Author enchanted771 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 I like him, and his personality, what he has going for him, he is responsible, good father, etc. What i dont like is when were in the car and he sees a woman bending over, or in jeans, or has no bra or whatever and he feels a need to make a comment. I can either not see him again, or i can tell him how it makes me uncomfortable, and he can either stop or i move on. I don't even know if he deserves a second chance to be honest. It seems he is trying to show off, but i dont like that.
carhill Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 OK, try this: Next time you see a hot guy, go, 'hey, whoa, check out his package'..... Why do you think he's trying to show off? Conventional wisdom dictates that a man who values you would be on his best behavior, unless he's been reading PUA books or has become enamored of emulating bad boys. Regardless, accept the action at face value and see it as who he is, along with the good father, etc, stuff. Reconcile that for yourself. If he was a bad father but respectful of you, would your perspective change? Why?
Lauriebell82 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 I like him, and his personality, what he has going for him, he is responsible, good father, etc. What i dont like is when were in the car and he sees a woman bending over, or in jeans, or has no bra or whatever and he feels a need to make a comment. I can either not see him again, or i can tell him how it makes me uncomfortable, and he can either stop or i move on. I don't even know if he deserves a second chance to be honest. It seems he is trying to show off, but i dont like that. In my experience you can't really expect a guy to "change his ways." IMO that's the reason for so many divorces, women (and men too) expect their partner to change once they are married or try to get them to change. That doesn't happen. Yes, you can tone down certain behaviors but a tiger doesn't just change his spots. That's this guy's personality: an arrogant show off. Chances are he isn't going to stop being that way.
phineas Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 In my experience you can't really expect a guy to "change his ways." IMO that's the reason for so many divorces, women (and men too) expect their partner to change once they are married or try to get them to change. That doesn't happen. Yes, you can tone down certain behaviors but a tiger doesn't just change his spots. That's this guy's personality: an arrogant show off. Chances are he isn't going to stop being that way. I agree to a point. It may be his personality, but we are trainable. I'll bet he doesn't walk around the workplace dropping sexual comments like the above. If he can control at work, he can control it around her. I've got a potty mouth & perverted sense of humer. I never release either at work. EVER. I also can keep it in line around women but when i'm with the guys on the course or at the bar the locks come off. She will just have to tell him it's a big turn-off because I don't think she has & he honeslty hasn't figured it out on his own. It takes no effort to talk to him.
mem11363 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 If you hang around mostly polite, nice people they don't do stuff like you described this guy doing. A lot of texting while with you screams out "you are NOT important." All the comments about other women scream out "your feelings are NOT important." You didn't know how to react because the people in your social circle don't behave in such a rude and self centered manner. I have been in the same type situation where someone is doing something really rude and I simply lack a standard "script" to follow since their behavior is so unusual. I have learned that as soon as I identify a behavior that I think is not reasonable and makes me feel bad I simply say "I feel bad when you do that, and actually it is something I would not do to you if the situation were reversed." This guy is very deliberately using emotional judo to make you feel as if you are barely worthy of his time and attention. And he is clever, he is mixing in enough nice guy behavior to make it hard for you to mentally categorize him as a jerk. Someone else described this type person better then I, in another thread. >>>>>>>>> from another post >>>>>>>>>> Originally Posted by carhill My experience has been, with men like that (edgy masculinity) is that they push boundaries with everyone and take advantage of those who will let them. The only way to deal with them is to push back. I don't need people like that in my life. I hate perimeter watch duty. Life's too short. But, hey, if that makes women's clitorises hard, more power to 'em. Better things to do in the world than fight that battle. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> OK, try this: Next time you see a hot guy, go, 'hey, whoa, check out his package'..... Why do you think he's trying to show off? Conventional wisdom dictates that a man who values you would be on his best behavior, unless he's been reading PUA books or has become enamored of emulating bad boys. Regardless, accept the action at face value and see it as who he is, along with the good father, etc, stuff. Reconcile that for yourself. If he was a bad father but respectful of you, would your perspective change? Why?
Author enchanted771 Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 I know, it's a very crappy thing to do. I mean, you are trying to make a good impression, right? how would that make a woman stick around? The first date he was a perfect gentlemen, but after that he started acting like that.
caramel c Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 If they talk about their past relationship as if it were just yesterday that is a red flag.
Author enchanted771 Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 not just yesterday but was complaining about his ex-wife
2sunny Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 why have you even continued to communicate with such a complete jerk after he has shown these very disrespectful actions/words? the fact that you continue to see him tells him that YOU are willing to put up with his behavior. next time you date someone even remotely close to this one - dump him the very first time your gut tells you something's "off." i'd rather be alone than with such a guy that intentionally disrespects women with demeaning behaviors. and tell him - he has a right to understand what a jerk he looks like when he acts this way.
2sunny Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 not just yesterday but was complaining about his ex-wife wait... you are STILL seeing him days after everyone here said to dump his sad and sorry a$$? geez, what's taking so long for you to stand up for decency?
Author enchanted771 Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 No, i haven't seen him since last Sunday. I saw him the week before that, and he had pointed out one or two women on the street, but i didn't think it was going to get that bad. He had announced when he had to text a worker and said he wasnt trying to be rude. But it got worse from there. I mean, what the heck do you say to a guy that points out women on the street??? i was shocked.
2sunny Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 No, i haven't seen him since last Sunday. I saw him the week before that, and he had pointed out one or two women on the street, but i didn't think it was going to get that bad. He had announced when he had to text a worker and said he wasnt trying to be rude. But it got worse from there. I mean, what the heck do you say to a guy that points out women on the street??? i was shocked. what do you say? why are you saying nothing? you are training him that it's ok to be a jerk and that you are willing to put up with a lot of crap! YOU say - BYE - you've been a jerk and i'm unwilling to deal with your crappy attitude about women any longer!!!!! have a great life buddy... that's it. can you do this or are you going to stick around and expect him to change? he won't - so don't count on it...
Author enchanted771 Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 I know, i was being stupid! i should have never talked to him again. I need to be more tough! i am in NY for goodness sakes!
harmfulsweetz Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 You have actually two options here- talk with him about it, explain how it makes you feel (men can occaisionally have oversights) and say if he doesn't stop, you will stop dating him. Or leave it at this.
New_Life08 Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Yeah sounds a little control freakish. If he is over the age of 18 and still behaving this way....Run for all you're worth, and don't look back.
2sunny Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 You have actually two options here- talk with him about it, explain how it makes you feel (men can occaisionally have oversights) and say if he doesn't stop, you will stop dating him. Or leave it at this. ummmm, or the other option which is to run like the wind and never look back.
Author enchanted771 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 Yeah sounds a little control freakish. If he is over the age of 18 and still behaving this way....Run for all you're worth, and don't look back. 36!!!!! the last guy i dated was 30 and is more mature. He just didn't want the same thing as me, but were still friends, but he was very respectable. I thought, at 36 your relatively mature not oogling women everywhere you go!!!!
Author enchanted771 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 I updated my profile online. So, i am on his list, and he texts me last night. Oh, your so naughty looking for men. What the heck does he care? i am not in a relationship with him! geez, obviously he is being possessive. So, i gave him my two cents and he said i was being nasty to him. Gee, i wonder why!!!! so then i stated my case, and he ignored my texts (passive-agressive behavior you think???) and then he texts me later with stop. I had stopped was only defending myself, so whatever i am gladly stopping.
redhighheels Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 I had a date with a guy that went fairly well. Nothing over the top, but I would have probably gone on a second date. After I found out his last name, I checked his facebook. He had a photo album entitled "Bums" and it was full of pictures of girls' bottoms that he took on various occassions. That was my cue to run for the hills. He's an idiot, so don't even bother explaining yourself any further. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you're not interested, and then push the ignore button.
Author enchanted771 Posted October 9, 2009 Author Posted October 9, 2009 Surprised this guy didn't have that. But has way too many female friends.
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