Arabella Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 (edited) I've posted multiple threads about my situation so I don't feel the need to repost the details but briefly... We went on a break about 6 weeks ago but decided to remain committed to each other for a time, in order to allow him some space to sort his life out. Things didn't go quite as we discussed. Contact became spotty and always on his terms, he turned into somebody I hardly know and started being cruel and dismissive toward me, lying about everything. I made attempts at breaking things off for good but he would always pull me back. He never treated me quite as well as he should have using his mental illness as excuse. Just over a week ago, I told him I was done waiting and did not want to be with him anymore, because I didn't think it would work out if he thought this kind of behavior was acceptable. I told him I wanted to be friends and I meant it. But he asked me to let him be, not to text him "for a good long while". I didn't - for a couple of days anyway, and I started to think about all the crappy stuff he had done. I became very angry and resentful and I ended up sending him a couple of emails, telling him I was done with him for good. I meant it, too. But now I find myself struggling with these feelings. I still love the person I thought he was, but I realize that the relationship itself would never have worked. At the same time, I resent him greatly for everything he did, that he never even apologized for. He never responded to the couple of emails I sent him. I printed out a copy of the email I sent him and mailed it to him snail mail (he's not very regular about checking his email), and seeing it printed, dated & signed did make me feel better... closure, I suppose. I guess I just feel like he owes me an apology, or at least some sort of farewell. I apologized for the things I think I could have handled better, and I wished him good luck. He won't even respond to me, and frankly, that hurts. I hate how everything has always been on his terms, even now. I decided to walk away for good, but here I am, bothered deeply by the fact that he won't acknowledge this. Like it doesn't even matter to him. I know I'm the only one that can give myself closure. I'm trying. I'm just having a hard time coping. I never fell so hard for anyone and just because I felt the need to walk away doesn't mean I wanted to Arabella Edited October 6, 2009 by Arabella
Maoky Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 "I decided to walk away for good, but here I am, bothered deeply by the fact that he won't acknowledge this. Like it doesn't even matter to him." From what you described, he's hurting too, and I wouldn't expect any contact from him. You got the last word, what more do you want? He has feelings too, give it a long while. I was in similar circumstances as well, where I knew the relationship wouldn't work, even though I still loved them. We were just at two different stages in our lives, and I still miss her like crazy, even though I broke it off. You've recognised that you like the idea of him, but the relationship just wouldn't work. That should help you gain closure sooner; you'll cope
Author Arabella Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 (edited) Maoky, Thanks for your response. Even when he asked me not to text him anymore, he was still telling me that he cared about me and that it was goodbye for now. He is such an exceptional person that I wanted to keep him in my life somehow, even if it was just as friends. There were four years of age difference between us (arguably five... I think he lied about his age) and he was at a very difficult period of his life. I was rationally aware that the relationship was doomed from the beginning, but I wanted to give it a shot. I was the one who made the goodbye into a permanent one... but only out of necessity. It's too painful to have him in my life and let him treat me the way he does. It just feels like he never cared about me. I could go on about all the crappy things he did, but I just feel like now, at the end... he owed me that much at least. An apology or some sort of acknowledgment. Sigh. Maybe when he gets the letter I sent him he will send me something, but I doubt it. Letting go hurts Arabella Edited October 6, 2009 by Arabella
Recommended Posts