brock9911 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 iv had my ex on my mind since we've split. constantly thinkling about her. its f*cked up my judgement multiple times. now i was at the bar the other night when my friend was working. it turned out a girl he's had a thing for since the 6th grade (hes now 26) happened to be there. me and the girl talked for hours and she went on to tell me she was intrigued by me and was interested because she didnt expect me to be the person i was after so many years. me being a guy was intrigued as well. shes continued to contact me since the other night, and i havent declined or slowed down in my pursuit. now i feel horrible because he is my friend. but when i asked him about them he said he has no feelings for her any more because hes been hurt to much. he honeslty is hangin out just so they can f*ck. now in my conversations with her, she said they dont ****, he literaly will come to her front door piss drunk confessing his love for her and cursing at her saying they should be together yada yada. she says how she cant take his attitude and actions anymore, and shes really into me. now im torn cuz i do like her and i dont know if its the thrill or what but shes got something about her. on top of that she dated a famous ny hockey player which i think is awesome haha. i did hang out with her last night and i did hook up with her, but i feel terrible about it. i hate being secretive and having to sneek. but in the back of my mind all i think is, hes been contacting my ex to talk and chill, and i caught them and he's been lying and telling me to my face he didnt do it. i READ the emails. shoud i feel bad? am i doing this out of spite? im confused as sh*t
Ronni_W Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Not that you have to, but *IF* you had to, would you choose to pursue her --OR-- would you choose to keep him in your life? Pretend that your very life depends on choosing one or the other. And maybe that will help you to decide. As far as the other part -- if your interest in her is more about getting back at him, then that would suck the big one and really just leave her in peace (which, btw, I didn't think right up until the end there...you even had me with that whole 'going to go where the famous hockey player has been'-thing ) I wouldn't bother to feel bad about anything, though -- your friend sounds like a bit of a dick, quite honestly.
Author brock9911 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 ronni, this is the same thing iv been struggling with the whole time. we have been friends since i was 7. he was 7 also. im 26 now. we have always had an on and off friendship. him me and another friend and my ex had an appartment last year, and he was the one who caught my ex cheating on me. i respect him for telling me, and he says how much he hates her. but after i decided to try to make things work, we butted heads. we got into a huge fight and didnt talk for 10 months. low and behold i break up with her, and he lost the whole group of friends we had, and now we;re friends again. now im begining to wonder if hes friends with me to get with my ex behing my back...why eklse would he contact her? anywho, i havent pursued this girl at all, she came after me. she explained their situation and how she feels nothing for him. she loves him like a brother not a lover. in my eyes, their not dating and she wants nothing to do with him in that way, so whats the harm. on top of that, i dont even trust him after finding the emails. that and the fact he lied to me and told me someone else messaged her...it sounds like a crock of sh*t to me. i believe in karma, i think its catching up to him...oh and by the way, he stopped talking to me for 10 months, and he owes me $3200 that i spotted him for the appartment. he is not unemployed and hasnt payed me a dime since august of 2007
Ronni_W Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Oh, sorry -- can I change what I wrote before? I wouldn't bother to feel bad about anything, though -- your friend sounds like a BIG dick AND A TOTAL JERK, quite honestly. Or. He's friends with you because he lost the whole group of other friends? Cos I wouldn't think he'd actually need to be your friend to contact your ex and do whatever with her -- in front of or behind your back. In any case, though. Other than it is 19 years' old, what is it that currently makes this a significant relationship for you? How does it support, encourage and uplift you? He doesn't particularly sound too trustworthy, so I'd agree that you are being wise to not trust him. Do you have any insight into what is preventing you from having a discussion with him about him starting to repay the balance of what he owes you? anywho, i havent pursued this girl at all, she came after me. I misunderstood where you wrote, "and i havent declined or slowed down in my pursuit." But it's not particularly relevant who pursued whom when, is it? Isn't your more important consideration whether or not you want to pursue her and/or continue to be pursued by her? (Personally, I like it when there is mutual pursuit.) If we go by what she is telling you (and why wouldn't we?), I totally agree with you that they're DEFINITELY not dating. Crap...I forgot the question . Should you act secretively and feel bad-guilty for being interested in her, or hooking up with her, or eventually making her the mother of your children??? No, DEFINITELY not. The guy is a BIG dink and a really lousy 'friend', too! IMHO.
Author brock9911 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 the only reason i let him back into my life (friendship wise haha) is because after i lost all those friends which was a group of 12 i had to reach out and reconnect with old frineds. i wanted my friends back. i felt lost and depressed that i got pushed away. i did regain my old friends successfully and iv actually incorporated them into his friendship. but they to dont trust what he said or does. hes kinda eddy haskell like. charming in front of you, but hard to trust. but besides that, the money situation sux because he doesnt work, he's been laid off for over a year from the painters union, he didnt pay the last 5 months of rent, i lost security and deposit. and getting money from him seems like a lost cause. suing him will kill the friendship all together, but one reason i am friend with him was a bigger purpose of getting back to being friends with other people who were torn between him and me. they literaly couldnt decide who to chill with on night because i wanted to and he did, but we at the time hated each other....its weird and after him and my ex, iv lost what it feels like to trust anyone
fabulous_chk Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Brock, make sure that the girls you're hanging out like this are not going to be hurt. Get yourself situated before enganging in relationships...it could backfire big-time. This friend of yours seems shady, but do not stoop down to his level. If he's doing something with your ex, well, he's just dumb, since she's a serial cheater. Wish him the best of luck lol! He's gonna need it. About this girl you want to hang out with, do not use her please! Don't involve people in this mess, it's not fair to them. Think more than twice in this situation. Try being single for a while and not rely on relationships to make you happy. I know this feeling because i have a bf that I don't think I deserve to have at this moment. I rushed too soon in a relationship I'm not ready for.
rainbowsandkittens Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 i agree with fabulous. the thing is you might like this girl but there are other girls out there. is she worth getting into such a messy thing? i just think relationships- be it friendship, dating, whatever are complicated enough. you bring all this other mess into it and it's just impossible. would it feel good to make out with this girl, stick it to your friend, etc? you bet. but is it worth it in the long run? probably not. i say, do the right thing, don't stoop to his level and let them both go. i would talk to him about the money (really, what have you got to lose? he's a crap friend and it's not like he's paying you back now) and if that doesn't work drop him. you can find other friends, i'm sure.
GrayClouds Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 iv had my ex on my mind since we've split. constantly thinkling about her. its f*cked up my judgement multiple times. now i was at the bar the other night when my friend was working. it turned out a girl he's had a thing for since the 6th grade (hes now 26) happened to be there. me and the girl talked for hours and she went on to tell me she was intrigued by me and was interested because she didnt expect me to be the person i was after so many years. me being a guy was intrigued as well. shes continued to contact me since the other night, and i havent declined or slowed down in my pursuit. now i feel horrible because he is my friend. but when i asked him about them he said he has no feelings for her any more because hes been hurt to much. he honeslty is hangin out just so they can f*ck. now in my conversations with her, she said they dont ****, he literaly will come to her front door piss drunk confessing his love for her and cursing at her saying they should be together yada yada. she says how she cant take his attitude and actions anymore, and shes really into me. now im torn cuz i do like her and i dont know if its the thrill or what but shes got something about her. on top of that she dated a famous ny hockey player which i think is awesome haha. i did hang out with her last night and i did hook up with her, but i feel terrible about it. i hate being secretive and having to sneek. but in the back of my mind all i think is, hes been contacting my ex to talk and chill, and i caught them and he's been lying and telling me to my face he didnt do it. i READ the emails. shoud i feel bad? am i doing this out of spite? im confused as sh*t i suspect both the girl is playing you a bit. She is trying to hurt this other guy and what better way then to do it with his friend. I really think that you have out grown your friends, their behavior is suck in high school. Their have a mentality that being loyal means they can do whatever they to each other. It is loyalty with out integrity. Brock focus on yourself, forget the chicks for now. Your hooking up with a person who will not be there when you need her, and that will kick your ass again. Heal, get strong, start liking yourself. Drugs, drink, chicks are all distraction right now keeping you from facing the internal issues. You are looking for external assurance for internal doubts. Your strong enough to face that stuff now and having a better life in the future. Lift the heavy weights now to be stronger tomorrow.
Author brock9911 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 yeah you all really have good advice. but its weird she pursued me, which iv always been the pursuant. i was intrigued. on top of that, we talked and i layed my feelings out there. she knows the situation wit my ex, and she also even said she thinks im not over her. i think she has an understanding of where im at right now. and i think shes looking for a friend, and a person to have benefits with if you get my drift. i dont know, im not the best with woman so i could be way off base....and one more thing, im a huge hockey fan, and im from new york, she happened to date the goalie on the islanders in new york....i think that rocks haha. and its not like she dated him b4 he became famous, she dated him while he played. but either way, im going to let her know if things get uncomfortable or im not feeling right about things, than i cant go on with it...but last night didnt feel so shabby haha. i dunno, my heads still all mixed up...its confusing
rainbowsandkittens Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 ugh- the islanders? i could understand if you said the rangers. but the islanders. no. lol
Author brock9911 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 your a new yorker as well? haha i HATE the islanders. im a huge ranger fan. but she dated rick dipietro. i think thats pretty cool. i actually went to the islanders home opener....my idiot friend got jumped because we all wore pittsburgh penguins jerseys but he kept mouthing off. f*cking 20 people were on top of him, we couldnt pull them all off
rainbowsandkittens Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 yes, i'm a new yorker. born and raised. huge rangers fan though i haven't really followed hockey in years. growing up we had season ranger tickets. it's a good thing you weren't wearing flyers jerseys. i might have beat you up myself
Author brock9911 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 same here born in brooklyn, raised in long island haha hell no....im suprised i wore pittsburgh, but i hate the islanders so much so that i had too. but im not a loud mouth like him where he gets into trouble. i play and watch hockey religiously
on edge Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Sounds to me like you have already made up your mind. You have already hooked up with her, and have continued to see her. It sounds like you and your friend have a lot of history, and a lot of drama. I just dropped my best friend of 8 years, and I know that I made the right decision. People just change over time, and friendships can become more of a burden than they are worth.
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