waterrabbit Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I am currently dating a guy 15 years older than myself. He is a great guy and we both like each other alot, there would be alot of irony if we both found each other and the age thing gets in the way! We have spoken about our concerns over the age thing, he obviously is looking for something long term. I wasn't looking for anything in particular but i was open to if the right thing came along then yes. He says he doesn't want to be unfair on me and hold me back and on the other hand i don't want to waste his time as he doesn't want a short relationship or anything. However it could be a great thing and it could be a really successful relationship! OR it could not work at all, however you don't know till your like a year down the line and alot of things have changed. I want to make the right decision for the both of us whether that be carry on dating or not. Are we going to encounter alot of problems and could it work well?
Author waterrabbit Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 How old are you? I am aged 22.
Bejita463 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Ah. Well does it bother you that he is almost as much older than you are as you have been alive?
Author waterrabbit Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 It doesnt bother me at all about his age. Just about the problems we could face and what other people would perceive of us? Also what if in the future we want different things then i could have wasted his time. Im just concerned about things as the eldest guy ive dated before has been 8 years older than me.
Bejita463 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Well, what other people think is not something I hold much stock in. However, this guy is old enough to be sure of what he wants in life, and you may or may not be. He'll have medical problems related to age long before you will, and his sex drive may taper off before yours as well. I could probably think of more things that relate to age, but the point is that if his age and the differences they create do not bother you, then there's no problem. If they do, there is. Other people's perception doesn't enter into it, unless you care about that sort of thing.
bean1 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 (edited) Been there, done that, utter disaster (exact same ages as you). Here's the thing. When he tells you he doesn't want to "be unfair" or "hold you back", he is clearly telling you that he does not take you seriously and that no relationship will come of this. Men who don't want any real relationship rarely ever lie and say they do - they usually tell a woman, but she doesn't want to hear it and often thinks "something will come of it". It doesn't. He's been around a lot longer than you and knows how to play this game. Looking back, at 22, I was pretty naive to think that a 37 year old man would want anything more than sex from a 22yr old girl. Hope things work out for you, butttt..... Edited October 6, 2009 by bean1 ...
Scottdmw Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I don't think it's quite so definite that those phrases mean he's not interested in a relationship. I'm 36 myself, and though I would prefer someone somewhat closer to my own age I would consider dating someone as young as 25. I am most definitely looking for a long-term relationship leading to marriage. I do think that 37 and 22 is a pretty big gap, and I'm not saying that problems would not exist, but as far as whether he is looking for a long-term relationship I would not be too hasty to judge. Scott
CaliGuy Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Who knows if it will work out or not. The main thing you should be concerned about is "Does this relationship feel right?!" If the answer is yes, then relax and enjoy each others company. If not, then you will know when to walk away. You just can't approach your relationships with the mentality of "What if it doesn't work out?!" Nothing in life is guaranteed but if you go into a relationship thinking that, well, you're bound to fail. Relax. Have fun. That should be your priority.
soozie86 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I'm also 22 and dating someone who is 37. At first the age gap did bother me a little and me and my boyfriend did discuss it but 8 months on it's not an issue anymore. We have had no bad reactions from anyone and most of the time I feel like the older one lol. My relationship happened so naturally I felt that it would be unfair to give it up just because of an age difference. Therefore, if you really like this person and can't think of any other reasons other than the age difference is to why you should not to got out with this person, then you should give the relationship a go. Just let things flow naturally and enjoy yourself.
aerogurl87 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 I'm 19 and dating someone who is 30. From the get go his age never really bothered me personally, not even when we went out. I just saw and still do see him as the great guy I'm lucky to call my boyfriend. So I must ask you, age aside, would you still want to date this guy given all other circumstances? Also, do you really think your ready to settle down and have a long term relationship because if your not I don't think it would be fair for you to continue to see this guy who told you straight out that's what he was looking for. But in the end it will be your decision, so good luck.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Ha. I was 22 when I met my XH - aged 15 years older than me. I don't see the big deal. We got along famously. I loved it. Great to talk to, we had similar sense of humor, etc. We got divorced on completely unrelated issues. I dated a guy just one year older than me after we split and there wasn't much there. Now dating a guy 14 years older than me (I'm 29) and once again - get along famously. So as long as you two are both comfortable, you get along, you have similar goals, I say go with the flow. Quit focusing on the age - it doesn't matter as much as you'd think.
artchick88 Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 i would date him until it doesnt feel right anymore. i would not assume that he was only interested in you because you are young and sexually appealing for that reason, as someone above wrote. Just be true to yourself always and if he wants to be with you knowing that you may become bored and move on, then you are not being unfair. You may find that you will end up with him for the long run, and if you don't then you will still have time to find someone else, and so will he. Does he want a family? Is this something you want? that is the only potential problem I can see.
burning 4 revenge Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Based on some of the answers Ive seen on the Polanski thread and some of the other OM/YW threads Im starting to think men are even more messed up than women
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