singlegirl Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Am relatively new to this dating thing...Had a few weird experiences which kinda freaked me out for a while there and am quite shy. I am very delicate/fragile emotionally, lost all of my family and my BF died in my arms 12 yrs ago.....I am all alone in the world,. I have no emotional support in the form of family. I am not good at connecting to men only on a superficial level, find it scary because of all the bereavements ...All the superficiality of dating is like torture to me to be honest...It's not who I am in my real life...I am appropriate but people know who I am and like me for it. I have difficulty in meeting new people in general and get very anxious with lots of people I don't know. It can prevent me from going to parties etc... I couldn't possibly tell him this This guy I am dating seems uber confident and this unerves me as I am not at all at ease with him...He asked me about my relationships in the past and so I asked him, he mentioned his ex just in passing, just sharing a story and then added' "isn't it written somewhere that you shouldn't talk about exes on dates?" I took that as my que to back off even though he asked me first? So the problem I have is how do I date this new guy and be myself without revealing too much too soon? how do I not project a false image? I did tell him I am shy and that it can be an issue for me. He said youre not shy
Hkizzle Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Generally it's not a good idea to talk about exs, because people tend to say: Negative things, which makes them look like mean people or Positive things, which makes your date think you're not over the ex yet. So, it's a good idea to stay neutral, just say how long you dated for and it didn't work out because of such and such and move on to next topic. So relax, don't over think, but I don't think you should bring up your traumatic past or your insecurities too soon.
robinincarolina Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 In manspeak when you talk about an ex, what he hears often is wow, she is still in love with him. There is tons of things to talk about on dates, talk about him. I was shy once upon a time too, but I overcame it with a lot of reading and work. Just smile, be upbeat and positive and relax on your dates. Think of it as practice. Get some books on dating.
Author singlegirl Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 Thanks to all of you for your replies.... Sad in texas thank you so much for your kindness...I recieved some form of CBT a while ago but need some more...The traumas were/are hard to deal with and it comes from nowhere, this terror inside me...I have never been afraid to die but am afraid to live and love so in a way I'm dead already ? being so alone terrible Just to be clear he was the one talking about his ex. i just answered his questions..He just answered mine I think the discomfort is all in my head, all on my side and entirely down to my imagination I think the only men I am automatically at ease with are so dysfunctional that for me they wouldn't be relationship material.... My fear comes from the fact that I really like this guy Thanks for the lists robin
Author singlegirl Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 (edited) Wanted to post an update Went to his place tonight....he made me endless cups of tea, treated me so lovely and didn't even try to lay a hand on me though there was lots of snogging...... he told me something he said he had wanted to say and had lost a friend because of this thing....Honestly to me it was not so much a big deal but he had worried about it...He said he was glad I was still there. So I took all of my courage and said, if were trading secrets......... His response.....That's not such a big deal.... Awww, am fallin!!! Edited October 8, 2009 by singlegirl
Recommended Posts