mandangalo Posted November 30, 2003 Posted November 30, 2003 On thursday, my girlfriend told me that she couldn't see me anymore. She said that she needed time to think. The next day she called me up and said that she needed to finished use my computer. I picked her up and she finished. We had a long talk and she said that she still needed time alone. She also said that she has not been able to sleep the past couple of days. She said that she still wanted to be friends. I told her that I cannot be friends with you and that it is all or nothing. She told me later that night that it is hard not to touch me. Two days later, she calls to tell me that she forgot one of her DVDs in my car. I tell her I am busy and hang up. She calls me back a half an hour later and I don;t answer. She leaves no voicemail. What is my next move. Bottom line is that I want to make her deeply miss me so that she comes back. One thing that I never did was get really angry with her. She is probably expecting that I will be calling her back and begging for her back. How do I deal with this? She is 19. I am 24. Age is not an issue for either of us. A girl at work said to that she would come back if I *completely* ignore her. Is there ANY truth in this? Any advice from guys that have been in the same situations? Any advice from girls who have done simular things to their man? What does this really mean? Her actions encourage me.
moonspinner Posted November 30, 2003 Posted November 30, 2003 I don't mean to discourage you but I used to do this to "boyfriends" when I was a jerky, ego -tripping, just- wanna -go- shopping, 18 year old girl myself I am sorry to say. She wants to be friends? If you want to sleep with her more than talk to her about stuff, then the "friends" thing is not happening. Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, but is still power-tripping. (yeah I used to be that sh*tty to guys too). Leave her alone. Go find a long -term girlfriend..( one that will stay with you for more than 30 days, longer than a store refund receipt) because it sounds like that is what you want. And "24 ".......date lots of women...but treat them as you would like to be treated. over and out.
sarah12 Posted November 30, 2003 Posted November 30, 2003 I don't know if the above post is necessarily true in all cases. I was never like that when I was 19. There are a lot of missing pieces to this story though..what were her reasons for breaking up with you? Why does she need time to think? How long have you dated?
moonspinner Posted November 30, 2003 Posted November 30, 2003 I was only speaking about myself....And good for you for being a level-headed person at your age...applause ...and you are right there are alot of missing pieces to the story....but historically it hasn't been the best indicator for the continuation of a relationship to hear "I need time to think" or "lets be friends" imo...... (and I am glad I get to voice my opinion, like everybody else, at this forum of many different viewpoints). yes?
moonspinner Posted November 30, 2003 Posted November 30, 2003 P.S. Level-headed when you were 19 and now as well I am sure.
jtb0518 Posted April 29, 2004 Posted April 29, 2004 I am in the same situation. Yeah, I am trying to keep distance. Do not let her play games. What I did was tell her what I wanted, and it is up to her to come back and when to.
brucelovesall Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 I say you don't give her ultimatims (SP?), and you do give her the time she needs. My girl did the same thing and I stupidly got desperate and professed my undying love for her, gave her ultimatims, and took my anger out on her. Now I'm trying to rebuild what we had and it's hard to do. I bought some books on how to get back with the one you love, and they really help. Anyway, what I find works best is give her the time she wants, don't say it's all or nothing (it's too early to say that anyway)be patient, improve something in your own life (it'll take your mind off of all of it and make you feel better) and be understanding. Maybe she is scared b/c she is young or something else you don't know about. Give her the time and when she wants to come around for a "DVD" make sure to not argue or confront or force anything on her. She needs time to herself and so that's what you give her. If you play all of the cards right she will come back. So don't let fear, anger, resentment, or impatience get in your way. Give her the space and make the time when she is around positive and loving. Don't seem desperate but be honest. That's what is working for me.
dzdone Posted July 11, 2004 Posted July 11, 2004 i agree with bruse cuz i am going through the same thing right now. my girl broke up with me and said she needed time and all that stuff because she is young and whatnot. she says she still wants to be with me, but just not right now. she is currently dating a guy and it hurts believe me but after about a week, i am starting to feel better. when we talk i just act normal and i still tell her i love her when we get off the phone and she does the same. i dunno i guess time will tell.
nips5050 Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 I'm a girl in this situation. I confronted him last night about being inconsistent about his feelings towards me...he acts like I'm his girlfriend but he won't commit. He told me he wanted to be friends until he figures things out but I told him i think it's too late because we've already crossed that line by being intimate and acting as a couple. I really want him in my life but I had to do this to protect myself too....I had to tell him either we're a couple or we're not. I dont need the added confusion and i dont think that I should leave it all up to him (I mean, he can call me when he wants and play these little games while he tries to figure things out while I sit back, have it all figured out that I want to be with him....that's playing games wiht my heart and i refuse to be treated like that). We basically cut ties off last night....and it hurt like hell because we both care for each other so much but he's just not ready for a relationship (He ended a 4 yr relationship 6 mths ago) I dunno, what do you guys think about that?
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Lovely..more games. It's no wonder people are having such a hard time in relationships. Everyone says and does something other than what they really want to do or say.
nips5050 Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Oh no games here...I told him, I cant be friends...we've crossed that line. That's not a game...that's honesty....pure and simple.
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 12, 2004 Posted July 12, 2004 Oh no games here...I told him, I cant be friends...we've crossed that line. That's not a game...that's honesty....pure and simple. I was referring to the original post Didn't see your post before I added mine. Crossed in the wires I suppose.
robbie from crewe Posted August 5, 2004 Posted August 5, 2004 bruce ur a legend m8, my girlfriend finished with me bout 5 weeks ago and we have had regular contact and talks. she said she does want to be with me but she needs time to herself ..i hae bein looking for answers everyday i have improved myself and now i know how to treat a girl. i did get angry with her but have since chilled and i did give her an ultimatum "you have got 5 weeks or im gone" which i know now was a bad idea. since then i told her to not get in contact with me and to meet up in 2 or so weeks. i text her saying lets work this out alls it takes is some trying ! she replied lets c. so bruce u have enlightened me m8, im going to do my own thing if we meet il be a gent and be nice appologize bout the ultimatum and get on with it because i know she loves me and i her. cheers m8 u have sorted my head out a little least i aint the only one going through this ****!!
shouse45678 Posted August 12, 2004 Posted August 12, 2004 me and my girl took a break for a while thought she broke up with me. Then out of the blue she calls me back and says she misses me. Dont know if she wants a relationship or not. I just want to know how to make her really want me. I'm playing it cool she called 4 days ago and i didnt answer and then i called back today. I was drunk when i called and i think i may have sounded really needy what do u think i should do . Call her back and talk to her or wait until she calls. Any advice would be good.
Socom Posted September 12, 2004 Posted September 12, 2004 Maybe someone can help?? My girl left 2 weeks ago and moved in with another man. She tells me that she needs time to think and i am trying to give it to her. During this time i have learned that i have not been giving everything that i can and was talking all that she had. We have been together for 2.5 years and she has 2 children ages 8-4 from another relationship. The kids call me dad. Her son is in school where we live and she has been driving the 30 minutes each day to take him there. After taking him to school she come to our house and lays in bed with me and tells me that she misses me and loves me. During this time she tells me that she wants to come home and will. Then the weekend comes and all my effort is lost. I have offered in the past few months that she can quit her job and i can take care of her and the kids and she could go to school. She wants that so much because she hates her job. Is that still ok to offer? So this past week it started off by her telling me that she is moving out and transfering schools. I accepted that and told her that i would still like to be friends. She told me that she still wants to work on us and said that she wants to get help. Well i found that help and the appt is tomorrow. She has agreed on going. Then on Thursday i meet her on her way home from work and we talked and she hugged and kisses me like she never has, like she really missed me. The kids started to cry because they wanted to come home. She then told me that she will be home on Sunday (today). Friday, she came over in the morning and we had a great day loying in bed kissing and loving each other and then went out for the afternoon. She would grab me and tell me how much she loves me and that she will be home soon. So this morning i talked to her and she told me that she was coming to get her things and was very angry. I then asked what the past few days meant to her and she said that it meant nothing and she was only being a cold hearted bitch. I want to believe that but i cant. I talked to her Mom and her best friend and they both told me that she is so upset and loves and misses me so much but i afraid of getting hurt. And this guy that she is with is controlling her and telling her what she wants. They also told me that her and the kids are not happy where they are. So I am really confused, what should my next move be? Should i let her take all her things? Should we even go to counseling? Also i have a ring that i was planning on giving her in 2 weeks for her birthday should i offer it to her? Her mother says that she would accept it because that is what she always wanted. But, i dont want the ring as the reason that she comes back, i want her to come back because she wants to. PLEASE HELP
spanishlover Posted September 12, 2004 Posted September 12, 2004 well i think you friend at work was right. have you even heard the saying . treat them them mean to keep them keen. dosnt allways work mind you but its worth a try.
white_angelbreath Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 I was just reading some post and came upon this comment... if you ignore the girl, the girl will come back to you, Is that true? Talk about reverse psychology. I don't know about that because the way I see it I have been ignored by my ex-bf for quite sometime. Everyday, I was dying and wishing for him to call me on the phone. I miss him terribly. But still I ignore him too because I don't want to beg him to come back. I've already done that and it backfired. It only left me crying.. So I totally ignore him. Now, he's courting some girl. While he's done that, he looks at me. It's weird actually because I thought if your serious with another girl you don't have time to look at your ex-gf's expression. Of course, I was mad and jealous but I kept cool. I didn't confront him. What for? But sometimes his absence makes me miss him. Although at the other side of my thoughts, I wanted to kill him for betraying me. Talk about ignoring the girl...
princevaliant Posted October 4, 2005 Posted October 4, 2005 I too got the same story,but withh her parents sabotage our love.It all happen when i play online game and she felt alone.Many kind of stress make her break with me.At first she wants to hurt me as bad as possible{she usually does that when this sort of things happened and in the end come back to me,of cos i beg and give her motivation.} Actually she was lieing the whole time. She want a fake break to catch my attention. But i pack her suitcase thinking that it would be better for her. Well i was wrong. After few days her pareents find out,they force her back home and since then,i couldn't do things right{backfired}. She stop contacting me{inline/reply emails}. But i know she love me deep. Last week i found out she went to some other place to look for jobs.{try to forget me?}. I believe she force herself to do so just to forget me or so. But I managed to find out she still cares as she read all my mails and I found out she is coming back to my country soon..... I want to know how i can get her back by doing the right thing? When she come back. Should I beg?I have been successful doing so for many times but this is quite different already. It just pains me seeing her suffer and hurt by me again....
princevaliant Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 she left me cos i make her lonely,{faking but i tot real and pack her cases thinking to sacrifice myself}then i found out fake but many ppl involve so become complicated.her parents dislike me so they find chances to get us apart and make her back home.we had bad times on our bdays i called her parents {don't know she said she told her parents was a lie}and her parents make the move to force her back home. yup during that time what she said was only to anger me and take revenge of me mistreating her.she fake everything out just to catch my attention and enjoy totrueing me but thats her way of saying you should love me more.not first time{she always did this to me when we qorrel and after that she had enought she will return}.this time different as everything we do backfired us and more ppl involved making the problem worst. our last parting was very sad and she hide her true feelings for me.but she told my mum.she love me deep but can't disobey her parents,and said she won't find a better person like me.beg my mum to reasons with her parents}mum said not time yet cos they having her sis wedding.she disappointed and leave.we contact in icq.she told me what makes her leave me.i admit and she soften and about to let me back but time out. 3 days never see her,despreade,{she warn me never to call{she know why cos she dont want her parents to have better chance to further us}but i called,unfortunately at a wrong time.she got preasured and try to end calll asap but she was angry so its not really what she planed,i too sad.mum call say she called her.mum angry with me for calling her cos she advise me not to call and things will be fine.mum was angry at her{she doesn't know my gf always act cold when she is angry and worry about me}.for not caring what happen to me.and my gf attitude talk to her makes her suggest to my gf to cut the internet connection.{bad advise} she agreed {i know with disappointment}.never see her again online.i know she still hasn't give up.a week after her sis marriage i called and find out she was not at home{at sabah,MALAYSIA}.looking for job.her mum told me.she won't give me her contact{of cos lol expected}i was so sad that she was forced to make such decision.if she doesn't love me she don't have to go far to some strange place.{make sense?} no news.i found out she is coming back to singapore around 18 th this month but yday i found out she might not,she might start a new life in kl malaysia. is she coming back?so what must i do now to do the right things?{not backfired this time}to get her back to me.....i must have her back{not selfish cos i really can take good care of her}....give solution pls. i emailed her many things about motivations, begs,even i am currently very sick.i wish she would come back to me knowing i sick many times for her during these months.....what should i tell her to make her turch and come back to me? __________________
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