weeble78 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Help! I haven't dated for seven years, met a great guy and it all went haywire. First date went out over a week ago - we were boyfriend and girlfriend some 15 years ago. Picture is I'm back home and we were meeting for a catch up, not really a date, besides he has apparently been seeing this girl for two months although he wants to split up with her. He spends the entire date talking about relationships, family, whether I want children, whether we'd be compatible and what kind of proper dates he wants to take me out on. Oh, and I spoke to his Mum on his phone. I'm bemused. I was blown away by him and the chemistry between us. I couldn't stop thinking about him, he said the same of me. He texts the second I get home saying he wants to split up with his girlfriend and hopefully be with me. During the week we have several convos re above, he asks me out for drinks again and I say no because he has a girlfriend and I just don't want to get into anything complicated. During this period I am taken aback by the way I feel and the massive chemistry between us. We talk every day until he texts me 5 days later saying he's split with his girlfriend and it would be really good to see me. Second 'date' - we meet for a drink (it's his birthday), his cousin is there, he calls his brother so I can speak to him. I have too much to drink and go home while he walks me. We kiss a whole lot as I swear I do not have the power not to. Nearing home I say he's being too complicated, drama queen and making a mountain out of a molehill and he should just chill, he says I'm too opinionated and argumentative blah blah blah, has a hissy fit saying it wasn't what he thought and he doesn't want this. Then he turns around and walks off. I text him saying 'you blow me away, crazy, it's not what I thought', he replies saying the same. We're both drunk. Next day I text apologising for him having a crap birthday (he'd wanted me to party at his, I went home) and offered to take him out somewhere fantastic. He texts back saying that would be nice, then texts again 10 minutes later saying maybe we should both admit defeat. I reply saying it's fine if that's how he feels however I'd wanted to get to know him better. Then I get no response. This is where it goes wrong, I think - two days later I can't stop thinking of him so text him saying so and ask if he's got back with his girlfriend. He says yes but wants to be friends. Then I make it worse by saying it's not a good idea because of the way we're touchy-feely together thinking let's just forget it. He does not reply. Then I think about how silly this all is so I text him and say that I'm being well shortsighed, of course I want to be friends. Ok, so if anyone got through the post, can anyone tell me what happened here? Am I desperate and did I try to take things too quick and misread the situation? Does anyone think he'll ever speak to me again?
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I'm trying to figure out how the hell it went from this: We kiss a whole lot as I swear I do not have the power not to. To this: Nearing home I say he's being too complicated, drama queen and making a mountain out of a molehill and he should just chill, he says I'm too opinionated and argumentative blah blah blah, has a hissy fit saying it wasn't what he thought and he doesn't want this. Then he turns around and walks off. WTF? You guys were both drunk, he was walking you home, you guys are kissing. Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you call him a drama queen. Where did that come from? I re-read that portion like 5 times trying to figure out what I missed. Are you a pissy drunk, or what? Out of the whole story - that's where things look like they went wrong. Maybe he thought based on the out-of-left-field accusation that you were quite possibly crazy, hence his comment about you "not being what he wanted." To further insult yourself, why did you keep texting him when there wasn't any reason to? It sounds to me like he's texting back out of courtesy, but isn't necessarily interested in keeping up as "friends," or he would have texted you himself.
Author weeble78 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 I'm trying to figure out how the hell it went from this: To this: WTF? You guys were both drunk, he was walking you home, you guys are kissing. Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, you call him a drama queen. Where did that come from? I re-read that portion like 5 times trying to figure out what I missed. Are you a pissy drunk, or what? Out of the whole story - that's where things look like they went wrong. Maybe he thought based on the out-of-left-field accusation that you were quite possibly crazy, hence his comment about you "not being what he wanted." To further insult yourself, why did you keep texting him when there wasn't any reason to? It sounds to me like he's texting back out of courtesy, but isn't necessarily interested in keeping up as "friends," or he would have texted you himself. Ok so maybe I wrote the above a little short. He spent the last week constantly talking about whether he should split up with his girlfriend, stressing over whether we're good for each other, how compatible we are - and I mean constantly. When he split up with his girlfriend he was then talking constantly about how much he'd hurt her, to which I talked to him about it but he didn't stop! I've known him for 15 years and believe me, he creates drama through procrastination, he thrives on it, he's the biggest drama queen I've ever met! (and I say this fondly, he knows this). I told him NOT to finish with her for me, and I tried to advise him not to make a rash decision in case he regretted it. When he was talking about her, I told him that if he felt maybe he'd regretted it then he should go and talk to her. I was trying to be fair! We weren't both hammered or anything, just lowered inhibitions I guess.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Well, I'd say he was still hung up on his GF. He had allowed himself to be lured to you (greener grass) because he thought he saw something. I'm not saying it was YOUR fault - you did tell him not to. But he made the decision, realized the grass was not greener, and went back to her. I'd say there isn't much more to know. He sounds wishy-washy. Not the kind of guy I'd want to be in R with. And really - I'd quit texting him. You're making it difficult on yourself and it really doesn't NEED to be, Weeble.
Author weeble78 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 Well, I'd say he was still hung up on his GF. He had allowed himself to be lured to you (greener grass) because he thought he saw something. I'm not saying it was YOUR fault - you did tell him not to. But he made the decision, realized the grass was not greener, and went back to her. I'd say there isn't much more to know. He sounds wishy-washy. Not the kind of guy I'd want to be in R with. And really - I'd quit texting him. You're making it difficult on yourself and it really doesn't NEED to be, Weeble. Hi SoulSearch Thanks for your response - I did beat myself up for texting him the second time, but I was glad I did as I had a feeling he wasn't telling me the whole truth and if I hadn't have texted him again then I wouldn't have known he was back with her. I don't know if this is bad in dating, and maybe I got caught up in a physical attraction whirlwind with him, but I prefer to put my cards on the table. I know you're supposed to 'create mystique and intruige, play it cool' etc, but with this guy I just couldn't hold back - I mean when we were around each other we just couldn't stop touching! If it had been something with more potential, would it have been a lot more chilled? I'm thinking of the two serious relationships I've had - they both started out as friendships.
Hkizzle Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Is "I want to juggle between two girls" spelt PLAYER or PLAYA? Please tell me...... Chemistry is overrated. A guy can fake it in a girl's mind.
Author weeble78 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 Hi again I'm happy with cutting my losses etc, but I'm wondering where I am with this whole dating thing. Can anyone tell me their opinion please if they think I came across as insecure or having a lack of respect for myself? I seem to be bad at reading cues from people and don't want to come across as desperate or not respecting myself, and basically I want to learn from my mistakes and use this time being single to sort myself out. I spent the last seven years with somebody who stole from me, was a compulsive liar and a cheat, and I am interested to see if it was something in me which attracted that kind of a person and what I can do about it? I'd love some feedback on this - thanks x
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Honestly, weeble - the only thing that gave the insecurity vibe was the texting. I understand your reason for doing it, but really...what did it matter whether or not he was back with his GF? He wasn't contacting you... he wasn't making you a priority. That would be enough for me to say sayonara. So, really - just remember - Never make anybody a priority when they only make you an option. Seriously - I didn't see anything else glaringly obvious that said "weirdo." But it's only a small snippet of a story. Hard to judge somebody based only on that. Just hang in there. Not every guy is going to end up being a winner. It takes patience and trusting yourself. Remember that YOU are a prize and if they don't put in the effort to win you, that's THEIR loss - not yours.
Author weeble78 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 Hmmm, ok fair enough - I just wonder why I didn't think the same thing myself. I can almost see you rolling your eyes ha ha! I guess I always just think, I'd rather know for sure whereas I see what you're saying is you should try not to care if they're not putting in 100% effort to be with you. I think my feelings just run away with me, and also I'm an incurable romantic - I actually thought I'd met someone I've been waiting a long time for and didn't want to jeopardise it. I guess being an idealist and a romantic are other words for naivety - I get misled easily. I don't like the way I get taken advantage of (that's how I feel anyway).
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 LOL...the only reason I DID see it is because I've been there. I wouldn't see the mistake if I hadn't made it myself in the past.
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