fabulous_chk Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I want to stay single!!! To clean up my sh.1.t, to get myself situated, be an "equal" and a productive partner in a relationship! This after desperately struggling to find the one who can "replace" my ex. This is the wrong way to go guys! My self-esteem is low, and although I could not deny the happiness the new man has brought me, I feel that going for a relationship is the last thing I should have sought. Guys, do not seek a relationship soon after a break-up. It's difficult to have stable one unless you have resolved the issues in your life, whether it's related to the break-up or some other existing issue. I repeat, get yourself situated first!
Ronni_W Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Just a thought. Have you considered doing the self-improvement work that you want to do parallel to having/keeping this relationship that is bringing you happiness? That's the route I took, and it did work out. Takes a bit of effort, and one's partner needs to have a LOT of understanding and patience but it can be done if both are really desiring to be together. Best of luck.
Author fabulous_chk Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 Thank you for responding! I'm in a bit of a panic because I do not want to lose this man. I have actually asked him if we can see each other 2 years from now, half-jokingly, but he is adamant that we see each other now. If it was any other man, if it was just an ordinary fling, I could easily let him go. But it boils down to this - he is actually the man I want to marry. He is everything I was looking for in a man- attractive, good-hearted, funny, ambitious, responsible, and laid-back. No dramas in his life. Comes from a good family, no childhood issues, cancer survivor....just an amazing individual and all his friends adore him! I have found the best match in my life! He fulfills me physically and emotionally. Now, I have a lot of problems in my life that I should have resolved months ago. Problems that could be resolved easily if I didn't have a partner. Ugh! I will try to resolve these problems while having him in my life. I'm glad it worked out for you. My bf is willing to wait and help me out, and take care of me but I am unsure what to do in this situation. I feel like I'm taking advantage of him, burdening him with problems that shouldn't be his. Thank you for giving me a little bit of hope that this can work out!
Ronni_W Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 If you don't mind my offering something further, based on my own experiences. I would STRONGLY urge, recommend, suggest and encourage you to keep your "healing life" totally separate from your relationship...I really meant do it 'parallel' to your relationship. Hire an army of therapists, if you have to. Keep a separate set of "healing friends and acquaintances." Talk very little, if anything, about what's going on in therapy or wherever/however you do your work. I also found that I needed a LOT of time-space to process the crap that was coming up for me, and integrate, and implement, and change. It ain't work for sissies, that's fersure! And it ain't attractive to have in a love relationship, either. It is a way of being...it can so easily poison the VERY BEST relationships. The 'other' person starts to feel inadequate to help, emotionally drained and depleted -- heck, I even wore out some of my therapists . But it TOTALLY can be done! We've been together 11 years...and pretty much got together when I was at a stage that sounds similar enough to where you might be now.
PinkToes Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Hey it's me: Wet Blanket Girl. Please be careful. Six weeks is waaaay too early to know someone is the guy you want to marry. Just have fun! And if he's really the one, he'll stick around, no matter what.
Turista Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Six weeks is awfully early indeed, but making such rash decisions in the first six months does seem to be the rage these days... Anyway, if you really think you've found Mr. Right, and he's willing to work through this with you, then go for it! No relationship is perfect and my most recent partner bailed as soon as it became clear to her that getting what she wanted (baby, marriage, wedding) would require looking out for me as much as she expected me to look out for her == loser. Which is to say this is an excellent opportunity for you to put him to the test in all the right ways.
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