Ideal girlfriend but unable to connect sexualy.. Possible?

[JGenuine225]

I've been dating this girl for a month now, we have so much in common, love having each other around, first GF I bring along to hangout with friends even go clubbing with her...and the best is we always give each other enough space to miss each other.. It all sounds dandy until sex comes up. I am 25 years old, highly confident in every way and not to brag always been good in bed (as I have been told) well for some apparent reason I CANT GET AN ERECTION with this girl?? She lays on my bed naked, touching herself...etc. and my buddy has no reaction?? Once again I really do like this girl and we have a great bond so that has not hinder our relationship... so days later, me being a guy wondering if something is wrong with me, so I call another girl i used to date; invite her to the house and guess what... I F**k the brains out of her no problem what’s so ever. So now I'm relieved that I'm functioning properly so I decide to give it another shot... we go out to a concert, have a blast and come to my place... guess what? My buddy has no reaction! Any idea or possibilities why this can occur?

[sadintexas]

Ummm...a few things I guess.

 

Do you feel differently about this woman than you did the others that you've been intimate with? Perhaps others were a hook up and you have genuine feelings for this one?

 

Fear of real intimacy?

 

Maybe you see her too much as a friend and not romantically (although most men will have a physical reaction I think anyway to sexual stimulation - guys would have to chime in here).

 

Is there anything physically about her that turns you off?

 

I have two different thoughts here. First is, if it's where you have real feelings for her versus other women you've slept with, then it's an intimacy issue for you that you need to address. It will most likely happen again in this same scenario if you don't.

 

Second is, if it's unexplainable, I'd put her in the friend category and move on. Sex is very important to a relationship IMO. Without it, you're just friends anyway. I think that's okay later on down the road, but why would you want to start a relationship with that kind of issue?

[JGenuine225]

Thanks for your interest, you brought up great points... to be honest she's actually the first girl I've dated that I have considered taking seriouse. After I broke up with my x of 4 years I've been living the single life dating around and having sex with girls I really didn't see much more than just hook-ups.

 

As for the friend vs. romantically statement... As much as we expressed to eachother the importance of maintaining a great level of friendship and not wanting to jump start a relationshp its very mutual.. but hey, as a man, friend or girlfriend at the end of the day if the sex is available of course you would want it! so, I see where your going with that but damm for me not to get erected?? As for physically.. I met her in a club and she surely did attract me, she dresses great, I have no problem walking with her in places... etc. ONCE AGAIN, I'm single, have my own place and I bring a girl over that I love spending time with, she madly wants the sex and I cant get erected?? lol something is not clicking lol The first time it happend I took it well because I was sort of stressed and going through some things, but the 2nd & 3rd time??

[sadintexas]

When you've been with other women, are they actually doing it for you, or are you fantasizing more or less?

 

Here's my theory (and based on some of my experiences)...you're not attached to the other women. You aren't into them and are seeing them soley as sexual fulfillment. Maybe you fantasize or whatever when you're with them. You're not doing that with this girl. Try relaxing more and doing the same kind of thing you've done with the other women (whatever that is). If that works, it looks more like an intimacy issue to me than a physical problem.

 

What I'd do if I were you is try fantasizing about her when you're alone and taking care of business and see what happens. Just relax, lay in bed and visualize it. See what happens. Experiment with that kind of thing and see if it makes a difference.

 

Also, you're probably getting a little worked up over this now, so you might be compounding the problem.

[moman]

I had the same issue man. Dated for months a pretty girl all my friends would slobber over. She was smart, confident, funny, and great in every way except there was no attraction. Actually there was negative attraction and there was no chance of getting hard. I believe it was related to the way that she kissed couldn't turn me on. I just assumed it was due to my age (30) and dealt with it. I finally went out with a new girl and the attraction was so strong that I learned it wasn't me, and was just something not right between the lady and I so I moved on. Really hurt me as she was so awesome in every way except the sexual way.

 

I suspect you just need to let her go and find someone who turns you on.

[Trialbyfire]

Are you a chick? Teasing, just teasing!

 

Good on paper doesn't always mean that physical chemistry will spark. Try some of what sadintexas mentions and if you can't get it to happen alone, thinking about her, she probably just doesn't turn you on.

 

If making it happen alone works, is it possibly stage fright, in that you don't want to mess up so badly that you find yourself at a....loss?

[redhighheels]

I believe that the man in love is a man in lust . And according to your statement, I think you're not really in love. You just like her.

 

Since it didn't take him too long to cheat on her, I would agree.