4givrnt4gtr Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Im fully aware that I will be marched straight to the gallows for this one....but Ive come to believe.......sometimes breaking NC is not as bad as people would think. (*cowering in a corner waiting for the rotten tomatos to fly*) I know I know....and before I get murdered let me explain. Breaking NC is not THAT bad as long as it is not done to beg the other party to come back, to reconcider or some such. If done carefully it might even help you move on. I think it has to be done when you have had enough time and distance so the rawness of it all had dissipated...it might take a month or a year.... The point is that once the rawness is gone, you are able to see this other person as they are and not as you remember then/imagine them. Now by breaking NC i dont mean calling them or texting them (though that could be done, again very very carefully). But for instance, reality check stuff, like checking out their facebook pages etc. The reason i say this is because I noticed that when Ive broken up with my exs, went NC for a few weeks/months and then went back to see how they were, unvariably I always end up with...WTF was i thinking. What was so great about this guy after all? Even if right before it i was still missing them, as soon as I saw how (or who) they were doing I would get a healthy dose of "no thanks" in me. Just today I sent my ex a birthday text, fully expecting him not to answer. He did...and though I still think he has a good heart (and a messed up head), I realize that he's just not what i need. Even seeing his status on FB where he put the definition of a fool ( bassically saying he was a fool), all i could think of is...yes...yes you are. *Click!* NExt!!! Actually even before today, when I checked his page a few days ago to see his woe is me post/status with the lyrics of some broken hearted song....i felt nothing more than...AND what? Again, made me feel he's just not man enough for me. At the very least not right now. in any case, I know its dangerous and it should be done without expectation....(the guy before this one, when i checked he was chasing after the chick he cheated on me with....that one got me furious....and totally over him ). And if done too soon, I do agree it might take you back to square one...so....I dont know. Its just has done wonders for me....it has debunked the idea that they are perfect and Im missing out....
Lamak Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I agree and disagree. In some instances breaking NC for the reasons you stated can make you see that the person you were once with has changed for the worse. Maybe you'll see that you never really liked them or come to some other conclusion. That sounds good, BUT it's not often that this happens. This is a habit that you have to not pick up by not doing it. In order to heal properly from a breakup, you have to be able to move forward in a new direction without looking back. Spying on their Facebook page is looking back in the tunnel, and what's the point of doing that? Maybe for you that may make you feel better, but it means more when you don't need that small ego boost to keep going. You have to learn to stand alone, without the help of outside forces. And finally, get the hell off of Facebook. Worst site evar.
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