scalcs Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 me and my ex wife anniversary comming up this firday, would have been 10 years, as of late we have been getting along, having sex and affecxtionate, but no real commitment yet, well we have only been doing this for 1 week. separated for 6 months, she give me mixed signals, says she just wants sex, but shows signs of caring, such as hand holding, kissing on lips, and hugging, what do i do on friday do i let her know, or just treat it as another day
tojaz Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Complicated question!! I think I would let her take the lead but be prepared for anything. Have a card or small gift lying in wait in case she brings it up, otherwise let it slide until you guys are further along. TOJAZ
carhill Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Looking at your history, I'd leave the anniversary alone for now and concentrate on being the man you want to be.
trippi1432 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Complicated question!! I think I would let her take the lead but be prepared for anything. Have a card or small gift lying in wait in case she brings it up, otherwise let it slide until you guys are further along. TOJAZ I was looking back thru your posts and trying to figure out who left who....I noticed that you are in another home now....therefore assuming you left on your terms or she asked you to leave on her terms....again...making assumptions without the bigger picture. At any rate, to a woman, an anniversary is an extremely important event, but yes, a man can blow it when treading on thin ice. I like the advice that Tojaz has given here, be prepared but don't force the issue. On one side, you need to know where you stand in this....is it a reconcilliation...time will tell? It appears that you have done some thinking on the emotional abuse and are turning a new leaf....that is an important thing..but you have to learn patience...10 years is a long time to work thru especially if you are just realizing this now. If nothing at all happens...if she doesn't even have a gift for you or even mentions it....leave a small token by the front door on your way out. Don't worry about what her "girlfriends" might say....you want what her heart is saying. You are the bigger person for doing it, even if she gets PO'd....give her a few days and you will know if it was a reconcilliation or just lonliness. PS. No jewelry or perfume on this one....make it something personal that she can only use for her (a book of poetry, a dozen roses or a favorite movie that the two of you shared)...not something she can wear out and about to make you jealous.
seibert253 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I was looking back thru your posts and trying to figure out who left who....I noticed that you are in another home now....therefore assuming you left on your terms or she asked you to leave on her terms....again...making assumptions without the bigger picture. At any rate, to a woman, an anniversary is an extremely important event, but yes, a man can blow it when treading on thin ice. I like the advice that Tojaz has given here, be prepared but don't force the issue. On one side, you need to know where you stand in this....is it a reconcilliation...time will tell? It appears that you have done some thinking on the emotional abuse and are turning a new leaf....that is an important thing..but you have to learn patience...10 years is a long time to work thru especially if you are just realizing this now. If nothing at all happens...if she doesn't even have a gift for you or even mentions it....leave a small token by the front door on your way out. Don't worry about what her "girlfriends" might say....you want what her heart is saying. You are the bigger person for doing it, even if she gets PO'd....give her a few days and you will know if it was a reconcilliation or just lonliness. PS. No jewelry or perfume on this one....make it something personal that she can only use for her (a book of poetry, a dozen roses or a favorite movie that the two of you shared)...not something she can wear out and about to make you jealous. Yeah, card and small inexpensive gift that is personal. Leave it at that. Of course expect nothing from her. Actually you are probably in a catch 22 situation. If you make a big deal out of it, she'll feel your pushing her, and actually she'll feel guilty for doing nothing. If you get her nothing, well, I don't even have to go into that.
trippi1432 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Yeah, card and small inexpensive gift that is personal. Leave it at that. Of course expect nothing from her. Actually you are probably in a catch 22 situation. If you make a big deal out of it, she'll feel your pushing her, and actually she'll feel guilty for doing nothing. If you get her nothing, well, I don't even have to go into that. Yep, that is why I am saying let her bring it up....if she has something for you, bring yours out....but if she doesn't, don't bring it up and leave it by the car keys at the front door or on the coffee table when she isn't looking...even if it is just a card...no funny ha/ha cards and do not personalize it with anything other than a signature....women read between the lines on personalized meanings....(just threw out the bday card one day after reconcilliation before he left again "I hope you get everything you wish for"...guess I didn't since he didn't want to work on marriage)....men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Blue Mountain has a great selection of sentiments for every occasion that says it all without any effort from your personalization. Here's the kicker, you can usually find them at gas stations like Citgo or Hess...lol! Not going there..!! ) Do NOT! And I repeat DO NOT EVER buy a rose from a gas station..live or not even as an apology. The only women who appreciate those are the last ones left in the bar at closing time.
tojaz Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 (edited) I'm glad Trippi brought up the rose! Try this. A single red rose on the coffee table on your way out the door, no card, no words. Let her decide what it means to her and let her tell you. The gesture will be appreciated without crossing any boundries. Meaningful, but also safe. TOJAZ Oh, and it bears repeating..... Do NOT! And I repeat DO NOT EVER buy a rose from a gas station..live or not even as an apology. The only women who appreciate those are the last ones left in the bar at closing time. Edited October 6, 2009 by tojaz
Ronni_W Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Or you can go the other route. Tell her today, "We both know what Friday is. And I'm totally confused as to what might be appropriate. Got any hints or tips for me?" Cos like someone's already mentioned, we (women) can be crazy about the craziest things. Of course, that's what makes us so lovable, yes? But. Just put the ball squarely in her court, and let her juggle it or hit it back for you. It's not necessarily the most romantic thing or the 'traditional' way to plan a 10th anniversary day...but yours is not a traditional anniversary and, if I read that correctly, she may not be feeling so much of the '10th anniversary' romance, either.
trippi1432 Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 Just wondering, is there an update to this?
Author scalcs Posted October 13, 2009 Author Posted October 13, 2009 I did not give anything, I mentioned to her does she not what day it is , and she said yes>>left it at that>>i have really given up on this relationship, there is no hope, and I am going to push divorce, becuase she just wants physically>>wasting my time, and emotions
trippi1432 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I did not give anything, I mentioned to her does she not what day it is , and she said yes>>left it at that>>i have really given up on this relationship, there is no hope, and I am going to push divorce, becuase she just wants physically>>wasting my time, and emotions Well, can't blame you there, I have a man who is doing the same thing....wasting my time, energy and emotions. Live for you, that is all you can do.
Lying eyes Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 My wife and I recently got back together for 5 weeks before breaking up again. During that time we had an anniversary. I got her a card, flowers, made breakfast, got a sitter for the kids so we could have a spa day. She did absolutely nada, zilch for me. I guess I should have read the tea leaves. Your situation may be entirely different, but my advice is keep it simple, don't show your entire hand by wooing her too much.
Recommended Posts