Notsogood Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Well today I did something I shouldn't have - I looked at my Ex's facebook for the first time in about 3 months. We have been NC during this time, except for a text and IM once. She changed her status update to "*** heard that love has no handles" which showed up on my wall and I couldn't help but go onto her facebook. I didn't find anything new on her fb (such as new guy, photos etc) and not sure why but I am still hurting pretty badly, the most i've hurt for a while now, which leads me to my question... Does the pain help you get over it faster? From my point of view, it hurts like hell but I know that it is hurting so much because I have less hope. And thats a good thing in the long run. NC is good and all but isn't it really just delaying the inevitable? I've gotten to the point where sometimes I actually hope that I will find out that my Ex is dating someone new. Of course it will hurt like hell but crushing that hope completely is the only way to really move on.
JaggedRoad Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Maybe you should delete and block her on facebook. It's not really worth the pain.
Author Notsogood Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 yea thought about it but still can't bring myself to do it. My point is, though, that the pain is a good thing and will help me get over it faster.
conehead Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 You need to delete her facebook so you can't stalk her. Trust me. I had an ex I thought the SAME exact way as you. I checked his fb everyday waiting for him to be in a relationship. This went on for 1.5 years!!! Until he finally got a gf and I cried and cried and went back to square one. After that, I kept check still, hoping for them to break up. It was pathetic. Please don't be like me. Now with my new ex, read my thread below. I just delelted him 1.5 months after the breakup. FEELS GREAT!!
Author Notsogood Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 I don't think i'm stalking her. This was the first time I've looked at her facebook in 3 months and I don't really get the urge to check it. It was just curiosity that got the better of me this time. I understand where you are saying though, obsessing/stalking via facebook is definitely not a good thing.
conehead Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I don't think i'm stalking her. This was the first time I've looked at her facebook in 3 months and I don't really get the urge to check it. It was just curiosity that got the better of me this time. I understand where you are saying though, obsessing/stalking via facebook is definitely not a good thing. All it takes is one glimpse of her page and one weak moment to ruin things or get you back at square one. If you delete her, you relieve yourself of these curiousities. I bet the moments right before her page shows up, you are super nervous that she might be in a relationshop or whatever. Why torture yourself like that?
Author Notsogood Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 I appreciate your advice conehead. However, I think I am handling my situation pretty well. Sure it hurts and brings a sadness over me, but hey, thats life. I was with the girl with 5.5 years, everything reminds me of her, and brings the same feelings back. I've just learnt to live with it now, which is something I am proud of myself for as I went through hell and back during the breakup. I think whatever feelings it brings up I will have to feel one day, either sooner or later, and from everything that i've gone through so far, it will make me stronger. If I do find myself obsesssing and facebook stalking, then I may ultimately decide to delete her, but for now, I feel am handling things well.
contax Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 You need to delete her facebook so you can't stalk her. Trust me. I had an ex I thought the SAME exact way as you. I checked his fb everyday waiting for him to be in a relationship. This went on for 1.5 years!!! Until he finally got a gf and I cried and cried and went back to square one. After that, I kept check still, hoping for them to break up. It was pathetic. Please don't be like me. Now with my new ex, read my thread below. I just delelted him 1.5 months after the breakup. FEELS GREAT!! That's an awesome story one can learn from. I like how you put it in a cheery way after! Good job! To the original poster, I would suggest you delete her as well. N/C all the way. I'm at 5 months + NC and today was awesome!
adamt Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I don't understand why peoplejust don't unfriend and block their ex on facebook. It is as if people want to do self harm. It is hard initially but better in the long run if you cut all links
Northwesthunny Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 i have deleted my ex from FB, but i still managed to send him a drunken FB message oops! Anyway you need to delete her, you are adding to your pain by checkin on her.
Nedved Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 If you've only checked it once then its more of a minor set back rather than your back to square one again. Curiosity kills the cat sometimes. The temptataion is always there though and if her status update changed to 'in a relationship' or she adds a new photo album both of these will more than likely show up on you wall if her post did. If there's pictures you'l check them and lets be honest any of us would but what we might find could tear us apart in the recovery stage. If you really can't delete her i'd advise you to hide any updates from her to be on the safe side and don't check it again until you've moved on and are'nt bothered by what you might find.
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