singlegirl Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I met a man online (local ad not dating site) sounded nice, friendly. We met for coffee and chatted for 3 hrs or so.... He was so confident in himself, almost to the point where I felt unerved.... He was very quick to secure a date over the following weekend and I thought it might be nice. I told myself my discomfort was just nerves....He called me on one occasion after the initial meeting and said he would call the next evening to finalize times etc but sent a text late instead. We met and had a text book date. Everything he did seemed well thought out and everything , every single detail was taken care of.... He was overtly romantic and affectionate physically but didn't give much of himself away.... I am the opposite and am open . Everyone tells me I put people at their ease immediately.....I am strongly attracted to him but I'm afraid that there's no rappor building... Next day he asked me to go to his home for dinner but I wasn't too well so declined making sure I let him know I had enjoyed my evening. I am concerned about going to his place so soon after meeting. I don't want to get physical.. Anyway isn't dating all about going out? The texts are fromal and cautious on both sides. I sent him a message tonight just to make sure he knows I like him and am not just waiting to be chased.. He said he will look forward to seeing me "well and on form". maybe we can have dinner at his place when I feel better ..He also told me sadly he's busy for the weekend but if I fancy a late night coffee midweek ( I work late all week days) I should let him know.... I have no idea what's going on.....I am not used to dating, is this normal. Am I aloof? is he? I would be grateful for any input?
leap83 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Both too scared and cautious?! It's been ONE date and you're already freaking out (I'm not trying to sound rude/rash or anything in between). Do you like him or not? If you do, what are you afraid of? Love IS a risk. A risk worth while taking even if you get hurt. So go out there, stop being scared and enjoy it. P.S. If you don't want to get physical, you'll tell him "No" and explain why. But why think about that when it MIGHT happen. Don't overthink it.
Author singlegirl Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 yeah youre right, one date and I am freaking out
Author singlegirl Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 Can anyone advise me on how to proceed? I really am no good at this dating thing
leap83 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Ok. So, how about you give him a call and you take things into your hands? Call him up and talk with him about setting up another date. Do you know of any good restaurants or something you wanted to see? That could be your way out of dinner at his place. You could say something like "I know you wanted to do dinner at your place but I have been meaning to go to this restaurant for a very long time. They have ______________ food and I was wondering whether you'd want to come with me? :)" Just go with the flow. If he says "No" to that and insists on making dinner at his place, I would consider that suspicious (meaning he wants to have sex). If he is cool with your idea, then it's all good.
Author singlegirl Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 Thanks leap .....I am not good with men/dating. I am a widow... Am not afraid of the physical thing but I think (you know ) being alone with a guy in his place so soon, maybe it's expected/ implied permission by him to get physical? better not get intot he situation than try and fix it once there I won't ask him for coffee late at night cause that's not really a date...I will take your advice and find something for us to do fun outside maybe Sunday eve if he's available.... I do like him, he clearly tried to do everything right on our date..I did text him tonight so have also put myself out there a bit...I don't expect just him to go out on a limb..... I guess I am just nervous of the whole thing and a little unsure of everything....I needed to hear what you said. One date and I am freaking....God what does that sound like?
leap83 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 It's all good. I do that too especially if I like a guy - I over-analyze it and worry too much. haha. Just relax and go with the flow. Don't push it and don't keep back. Find a balance and you'll do great.
ashleigh422 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 While Leap does have some very valid points.. I think you should not be afraid to let him know you are interested. I think If you are at a place that the games are out and the same for him.. call him, text him whatever you feel is right. TRUST ME.. you will know if the time comes that he's just not that into you. Also, I say that leap said about suggesting a place is great.. or even an event going on that night.. such as a concert on the riverfront (if you have those where you live) or any other event that is only in town that weekend, just so you don't seem like your only itinerary is going to the newest restaraunt.. BUT.. if he acts hasty about it.. ask him what the plans are at his house.. *MAYBE.. he is a very gooodcook and wants to show off.. which in that case, I would me a more open book.. however, if he says, we can order pizza.. then Id suggest going back to trying to get out with him anywhere other than his house.
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