2sunny Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I googled "compartmentalizing" and found quite a few interesting articles on the subject. I'm still not sure I can understand it - maybe because I suck at doing it myself. It's hard for me to separate things in my life. If I am having extreme feelings in one area of my life, those feelings tend to carry over to everything else. His boxes are going to change. I guess that is when I will find out exactly what I mean to him. I know he loves me, but is it enough? i was referring to his compartmentalizing. if you look at this from HIS perspective - it is what allows him the benefit of having his separate emotions and interactions for you - then having completely separate feelings and interactions with his wife, family and friends - as well as his reputation he shows to his community. it's all separate. and in his mind - he acts accordingly and allows his mind to justify interactions based upon what "box" his mind is processing at that particular time. it's hard to explain in writing - but i do this as a woman at times... and am perfectly capable of "compartmentalizing." it seems to be more prevalent in men than women. the mind stays in that box while "in that moment" i don't do this like i did a few years ago - but i definitely understand the method in which it works and why it works for the person who approaches life this way. i bet money he is one of the great compartmentalizers in the world... which means that he won't leave her. he will only enjoy "the moment" while he's with you or moments of thinking of you when he's not with you - but he is unwilling to take it further and risk his everyday life with his family for the love he may feel "separately" for you. in other words - he wants it all - but not at the risk of losing his comfort zone. expect to stay in the position you are now - or be willing to change it so that you get a totally different outcome... whatever that may be. stay strong! xo
Devil Inside Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I'm having another strong day. Could it be because of you guys? I have not had much contact with OMM in the last few days for various reasons. I have stayed busy and not missed him too terribly. I am in counseling. I saw my therapist yesterday. The hardest part of all of this for me is the overwhelming sadness that I feel I have no control over when I feel like our relationship is being threatened. He mentioned cognitive therapy. I'm not sure that will work and I hope I don't have to try anytime soon. It isn't that I have low self-esteem or that I don't value myself. I explained that to my counselor. I value myself. I have many things in my life worth living for. It's just that I miss him. I miss him so much I can feel it destroying me. I like having him around. I like talking to him. I like touching him. I like kissing him. I like the sex with him. I have fun with him. He makes me laugh. All he has to do is smile and I melt. He has a sparkle in his eyes when he looks at me and I can't explain what that does to me. I value the other parts of my life. I like spending time with my friends and my kids, but those are different kinds of relationships. Remember, I found passion. Passion that I never knew I could feel. I am 43 years old and just discovering this whole new world out there and within myself that I didn't know existed. I don't want to lose it. Your description makes me seem so pathetic, but that is exactly what I'm like - a child with her nose pressed upon the glass store window, longing for what is unavailable. I will move after we settle our finances and then I guess I'll have to see how I feel then. So what cognitive therapy would do is to help you identify how distorted thinking patterns lead to difficult emotions. If you can do that then you can work on your thoughts, and then hopefully some of the difficult emotions and impulsive behaviors become easier to manage.
Author HisSweetThing Posted October 8, 2009 Author Posted October 8, 2009 So what cognitive therapy would do is to help you identify how distorted thinking patterns lead to difficult emotions. If you can do that then you can work on your thoughts, and then hopefully some of the difficult emotions and impulsive behaviors become easier to manage. So, has cognitive therapy helped you? I've read your posts - with much interest, trying to figure out my OMM. You seem to still have intense feelings for your OW. You even seem sad. I just don't understand how telling myself my life is great is going to help me not miss him. But, I am not really there right now. Our affair is still happening. I worry about the day it ends though. I think the sadness will be unbearable.
NowhereToHide Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 So what cognitive therapy would do is to help you identify how distorted thinking patterns lead to difficult emotions. If you can do that then you can work on your thoughts, and then hopefully some of the difficult emotions and impulsive behaviors become easier to manage. DI... I don't want to hijack this thread, but can you explain more what cognitive therapy entails? I'm in therapy.... how does that differ?
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