LB85 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I have known this guy for over a year and only recently found out from his brother that he has a girlfriend. He never tells anyone about his girlfriend because his parents want him to settle down and if he told them then they would have made him get married to the girl by now (being Indians). So he has kept it a secret and therefore, I never thought he actually had a girlfriend. I even asked him if he had one and he always said he didn't. When we met, he was the one who flirted with me and after that I added him online, now he never asked for my number but he would always make an effort to stay in touch with me and he flirted with me a lot. He once left his friends to hang out with me at a party and we tend to hang out with each other when we are at parties. He would always flirt with me, call me beautiful whenever possible. Once he was saying " I think your understanding, nice, well taught, and beautiful'' and I was of course absolutely flattered. He always remembers things I said and he did actually know I was interested in him but I was always less flirty with him and I never wrote to him myself, I would just reply to his msgs. We once bumped into each other at an Indian party and he was slightly drunk:p; towards the end of the party we were just talking to each other before I was leaving, but then he grabbed me and gave a kiss on my cheek in front of my brother. I'm surprised my brother didn't react but I got angry since people easily make rumours and I was scared someone would say something about me. So the next week we met at a friend's birthday and I confronted him about it, he claimed to ''not remember'' it and I have to say even I'm not sure if he did or not but it barely matters. So he said he wanted to make it up to me and I said his apology was enough for me but he insisted on going for dinner with me and my brother so I said ok fine. Then, he knew my brother was out of town but he still asked me to meet up except even I was going out of town so I couldn't make it. Then I tried to take the initiative myself when I got back and he didn't get back to me and we haven't been in touch since. We did see each other at a lunch but I was polite and avoided him the rest of the time. Then last weekend, I saw his brother who is bestfriends with my brother and he said he heard that me and his brother were in touch quite a bit. I said not that much but then I asked my brother what he told the guy and he said he just told him what was actually true, that his brother makes an effort to keep contact with me and of course his friend thought it was weird so he said " I don't get why he's doing this, he has a girlfriend for the past 1,5 years". I was absolutely shocked!! Now I'm confused. I don't easily fall for guys and don't really date at all. I fell absolutely in love with this guy. I never thought I would meet a guy who exactly what I imagine the guy of my dreams to be. He's got everything I look for in a guy and I doubt I would find something like that again. He once asked a common friend about me (this guy used to like me) so I wasn't sure I could believe everything he said but he told me that he asked how I was doing and that he hadn't seen me in a long time (it had only been 3 weeks) and that he said " She's a nice girl and I like talking to her but we're just friends". I think he wants to marry the girl since hes willing to settle down in a year or two and I wish I could do something about it. I don't know how to get over him because I definitely don't believe in going for a guy who is already taken. I also dont understand why he would show so much interest in me when he already has someone?
Bejita463 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 He's got everything I look for in a guy I doubt that. I do not believe neither honesty nor integrity matter for your potential partners. Even if you did end up with this guy, what makes you think that you would be anything other than the next secret to be kept so he will remain free to flirt with other girls? That is after all, what he is proving himself capable of with you now. This is not the behavior of a good person.
Author LB85 Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 I doubt that. I do not believe neither honesty nor integrity matter for your potential partners. Even if you did end up with this guy, what makes you think that you would be anything other than the next secret to be kept so he will remain free to flirt with other girls? That is after all, what he is proving himself capable of with you now. This is not the behavior of a good person. well the reason he is hiding it is because he doesn't want people to find out. That is because his parents would soon find out (the domino effect) and try to get him married when he isn't ready for it. My real question is why was he like that with me?
tigressA Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Well, sure, he's hiding it from his parents because he doesn't want them pressuring him to get married--but at the same time, he's betraying a girl he is committed to by flirting with you the way he is. He's toying with you. If he really wanted to date you, he'd have said so by now and he would be with you and not this girlfriend who's hidden away. Additionally, if you're not Indian--if you were with this guy, I'm sure he'd want to keep you hidden from his parents too! He's concealing a relationship he's got with a girl from his own ethnic background because he doesn't want to be pressured into marriage. If you're from a different background then he may have even more of a reason to hide you. His parents may disown him. And I don't know how old either you or this guy are, but if this is an adult we're talking about here and he's going to hide a girlfriend from his family, he's obviously very under their thumbs, and I don't know about you but I wouldn't want to date a guy like that.
Author LB85 Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 hmm I didn't consider that one, I wouldn't hide it from my parents or family either. And I am Indian but I don't understand why he did that? Is he attracted to me but loyal to her? Why let me believe he might see me as more than a friend when your actually already with a girl. Its so weird!
tigressA Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 hmm I didn't consider that one, I wouldn't hide it from my parents or family either. And I am Indian but I don't understand why he did that? Is he attracted to me but loyal to her? Why let me believe he might see me as more than a friend when your actually already with a girl. Its so weird! Guys will do that if they're jerks, and it looks like this guy is. And if he's loyal to her but likes you, why would you still want to bother with him? If he's loyal to her then obviously he won't leave her for you or anyone else. Seriously, just forget about this guy. He'll only break your heart.
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