ljzb Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Ok.....some background on myself. I'm a REALLY good girl when it comes to men...I've been very innocent. I'm 21 and I've been on 2 dates in my life....both of which led to relationships, the first for 5 months...the second for 3 years. So the dating game is confusing me but I'm aware that I've probably played this one ALL WRONG! With this one...I wasn't so innocent. I was in a club with my friend and my eye lit on this guy. Oh my God - I've never felt such a physical attraction to anyone in my life. Anyway he saw me asked for my number and I was immediately excited about the whole thing. He sent me a couple of messages the next day and I thought I was onto a good start. We met up another couple of times (on nights out again....but orgainised meetings)....nothing happened, no kissing etc. but I was aware that there was something there. It turns out this guy has a bit of a bad rep with girls but I was shocked and pleased to find out that he had been protective enough of my friend to tell a guy she was interested in not to bother being bad with her because he could tell we were really good girls and sex was not going to be on the agenda if that's all he wanted. So...already I know he's a bit of a bad boy..but I can't resist him. He's not what I look for in a guy...but just like an addiction, I know he's bad for me but I can't help but want him more. Anyway after this we started to talk on the phone every night for up to 3 hours at a time. Speaking about everything and anything and he admitted to me that he'd done a lot of bad things but that was because the kind of girls he'd met were not the type to deserve respect.....but he respected me. We spoke about family and it was obvious that although this boy liked to look hard but he had a soft centre. Anyway we continued to meet up a few more times, text, phone and then one night we kissed - full on kissing - the attraction was amazing....and of course (stupidly I suppose) he ended up at mine. The next time we met was great again and my friend said she could tell that the way he looked at me was much softer and rose tinted than the bad boy image that he usually gave. Some nights he would have organised to go out with friends but was on the phone to me and suddenly couldn't be bothered and would continue to chat to me insead. And then one night he went out and rang me as soon as he got home...albeit a bit drunken...but anyway! A few days later we were supposed to meet as a group to go out again but I wasn't feeling well, so instead he came to mine and we watched a movie. Any time it was us alone he would hold me and kiss me and look at me like I was his lover, the only thing on his mind...the kissing was amazing...the chemistryt was amazing..and he was delighted when I eventually gave in and told him that I thought he was a good guy or at least a good bad boy. He told me he thought that I should aim higher than him and that he didn't understand why I was different to the other girls....with them if he didn't get sex immediately he moved on...he said he didn't know or maybe he did but he just didn't want to tell himself. After we made love he could tell I was worried but put my mind at rest by telling me that if he didn't seriously like me he wouldn't have bothered with the £35 taxi fare every time he came to see me....plus the fact that if it were only a sex thing he could easily slip back into his old lifestyle. The next afternoon he left and we were on the phone in the evening - he told me I'd killed his phone bill but he didn't care, I joked with his friend over the phone and the conversation was great again. The next day I waited for him to call....but he didn't so I sent him a text which couldn't deliver so I rang and got a weird message from his phone saying that the network number is not available and it did this for the next couple of days. Then I sent him a facebook message...now its been 4 days and nothing..... Did he just get what he wanted and that's it?
carhill Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 When you get to the point where non-committal bad boys aren't attractive to you, then you'll be ready for a healthy relationship
New Again Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 He told me he thought that I should aim higher than him When someone tells you this, believe him.
boogieboy Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Yeah he got what he wanted. Unfortunately it wasnt as magical for him as it was for you. Everything he told you was a well reheased line. What a shame.
Lucky_One Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 He told you that you were different than the other girls because you hadn't had sex with him - and he liked that. And then you had sex with him. So now you are just like the other girls who were attracted to the bad boy and thought that you could change him and make him into the "softer" boy that you know he is deep down inside. He's not going to change. And you aren't a challenge anymore, and you barely took any chasing. Valuable lesson learned.
torranceshipman Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 He's a player and has used that line many times before - that line about not respecting other girls but respecting you 'because you're different' especially made me cringe. An important lesson: if a guy tells you he's disrespected other women he's previously dated, then RUN - because it means he is the type of guy who disrespects women, and who has no manners/is not a gentleman. If he tells you you can do better - BELIEVE him! Also, I'd stop worrying about the 'good girl' tag if I were you - the right guy will love and appreciate you for who you are, for all your life experiences, without you having to conform to what a certain guys' idea of a 'good girl' is. Sorry to hear the guy was only after one thing - scrawny mutt that he is - do NOT contact him again and if he contacts you tell him to go jump. Next time really watch the warning signs!
singlegirl Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 What he did truly sucks and blows. He has conned you. Men like this have no centre, there was no soft centre. He has no sense of self , no self esteem at all. He feels powerful as long as he's disempowering vulnerable women... You really do deserve better...I agree with every word except that you didn't need much chasing. You were honest and sweet with this guy....you did nothing wrong. Whatever happens remember this is all about him and not about you.... don't change who you are you learned a valuable lesson. I just hope you used protection cause these kind of guys could carry anyhting
Author ljzb Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 Lesson well learned...no point lying about it...I feel a fool but I'm just going to have to move on. It sucks that these guys get to you, start to make you feel something...start to make you believe there is a connection and then....nothing. It feels crappy for now but I'll get over it. It just feels like he still has this stupid hold over me that I can't shake and if he phoned me tomorrow I something inside me would urge me just to give in. But I'll be strong, I'm an intelligent girl - who made a BIG MISTAKE...and it won't be happening again any time soon!!!!!
Yukikazi Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 Lesson well learned...no point lying about it...I feel a fool but I'm just going to have to move on. It sucks that these guys get to you, start to make you feel something...start to make you believe there is a connection and then....nothing. You could always take solace in the fact that girls have been doing this to guys for ages also.. and that's even before any sex occurs..
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