rainbowsandkittens Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 today is 2 weeks since we finally broke up for good and since we went nc. yesterday was a very hard day- i just really missed him. we unfriended on fb but i had a page that i had removed him from and he has put himself back on. i am ashamed to say but i'd still been checking his fb page. since we broke up he's been barely posting but i saw he added a few new friends. i'm not 100% sure but i think they were girls (and much younger than me at that). i'd been debating and debating blocking him but felt like it was too final- plus my friends told me to "stay classy" and that was not classy. well, i checked his profile this morning and he had changed his profile pic to one of the new ones on his online dating profile **a little background in case you didn't read any of my previous threads- his divorce is almost finalized and we dated for 4 months and he decided he can't be in a committed relationship. he needs to see other people. so behind my back he put up a profile on a dating site which i found. then we were just taking a break and 2 weeks agi we were getting along pretty well and i checked the site and he had added these new pics and changed his profile and it suddenly occured to me that he was getting MORE serious about seeing other people instead of less so. which is when i finally ended it. ** anyway those pictures, every time i see them, feel like he punched me in the stomach. i don't know why. maybe it's what they represent or bc they're good pictures of him. i don't know. but as soon as i saw them i knew i had to block him. so i did. i also took him off my page. this HURTS. it feels like he's finally gone for good. which i know he needed to be. but at the same time, i feel like i really got rid of the possibility of him ever coming back. i know you can't live in that but i guess i was. i know everyone feels the same way but it just SUCKS that he's out there meeting and dating women and that this doesn't hurt him at all. he sent me 2 emails last week- really stupid stuff that he didn't need to email me about. i responded but very standoffish. he also emailed my friend again telling her he missed me and asking how i am and telling her he's been keeping busy with work etc etc. yeah, and dating. ugh. this hurts again just like it did the first day. why? when will it stop hurting? thanks for letting me vent.
Author rainbowsandkittens Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 is it my user name? i know it's stupid but it was kind of a joke.
caramel c Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Oh, that has GOT to hurt so bad! I'm sorry dear. You are doing the right thing by removing him from contact. Stick with it. You have to move forward and that relationship is NOT. Be strong!
robinincarolina Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Been in the exact situation. Its been 3 months now and it's better, so hang on, the first few weeks is the worst. Don't torture yourself with his facebook. It just prolongs the healing. Its very common for a man who has been married to want to see if the grass is greener on the other side. He may return, he may not. Chances are good if he does, you won't be in the same place and you will be the one who has moved on. I am so sorry, I know how it feels.
Kaya Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) Sorry to hear about your situation - not fair of that guy to put up a profile behind your back and not having the guts to tell you - you're SO better off without him. ugh. this hurts again just like it did the first day. why? Because: i am ashamed to say but i'd still been checking his fb page. this HURTS. it feels like he's finally gone for good. which i know he needed to be. but at the same time, i feel like i really got rid of the possibility of him ever coming back. Giving up on the hope is one of the hardest parts of all of this, it means really accepting the fact that he isn't coming back. Believe me, I know how much it hurts, but you are making progress and well done for blocking him! Edited October 5, 2009 by Kaya
Author rainbowsandkittens Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 thanks guys! i so appreciate the support. i really can't talk to my friends about it anymore. my best friend is not being very nice about it (keeps making me feel bad that i'm still upset about it, essentially telling me that my heartache dating him for 4 months is nothing compared to his getting out of his 10 year marraige, which is true but um, be on my side please) and my other friends, well, it's just hard to talk to them. robin- sooooo glad someone else has been through this. I know now that this is common but since only one of my friends/ family (other than my parents) has been divorced i never knew what it was like. he is totally doing the newly divorced guy thing too- going to the gym, growing facial hair, got contacts, changed his wardrobe. he swore he would never wear sneakers and then bought 2 pairs without me! i am happy for him in a way and in another way the whole thing makes me feel sick inside. i can't explain it. well, i probably could but would sound pathetic so i won't. it is the hardest thing ever- knowing so much of what went wrong was timing that you can't control. i really haven't dated in like 10 years and he was married for 10 years and i feel like we just crossed paths- he wants the freedom (or percieved freedom) that i had and i want the marriage and stability and partnership that he had (only, you know, better). it SUCKS. part of me feels though, like my friend says, that this was not that long a relationship and i should be over it already. it's certainly not like his marriage or the other people on here who were in long term relationships. i guess for me i just took a very long time to find someone i really liked (and thought maybe i loved) and that i let get close to me and now he's gone and i miss him.
Author rainbowsandkittens Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 and yes giving up hope is the worst. again- ashamed to say but i kept thinking maybe he would just be waiting for me after work or at home or he would call. how silly is that? not only will that never happen- it's been 2 weeks! he is enjoying the hell out of dating right now i'm sure! he told me and my friend that MAYBE this would work out in the future and letting go now was the only way that could possibly happen and i clung to that maybe. of course i did. we hold onto what we want. but i know i have to let go. i just wish there were definative steps a person could take- how to give up hope without being negative and wallowing in that, kwim?
Kaya Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 ashamed to say but i kept thinking maybe he would just be waiting for me after work or at home or he would call.how silly is that? Not silly at all! We all think those thoughts not only will that never happen- it's been 2 weeks! Yip, the longer we don't hear from them, the more time that goes by, the worse it feels. But there will be a turning point. i just wish there were definative steps a person could take- how to give up hope without being negative and wallowing in that, kwim? Me too.. it's hard to shake the hope! Fast forward button please.....
Author rainbowsandkittens Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 yes please! fast forward button straight to the turning point!
caramel c Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I wish I could turn my feelings on and off like a switch. Just kill them.
Author rainbowsandkittens Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 totally. i wish i could hate him or cry it all out or something. i've been reading "it's called a breakup because it's broken" which is helpful. been keeping a breakup journal which sounds silly but helps. and just started a thing my friend is doing- 21 days of gratitude. writing down, every day for 21 days, things i'm grateful for. i'm on day 3 today. my friend said it's really helped him feel more satisfied in his life. here's hoping... at the very least maybe it will get me less focused on the negative and drowning in the positive
GrayClouds Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 totally. i wish i could hate him or cry it all out or something. i've been reading "it's called a breakup because it's broken" which is helpful. been keeping a breakup journal which sounds silly but helps. and just started a thing my friend is doing- 21 days of gratitude. writing down, every day for 21 days, things i'm grateful for. i'm on day 3 today. my friend said it's really helped him feel more satisfied in his life. here's hoping... at the very least maybe it will get me less focused on the negative and drowning in the positive Sound like your doing the right things. Make sure your getting some exercises.
coliflower Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Hey rainbows, what he did was not a nice thing. I hope that you feel better soon there is some great advice on this site. Good luck x
Author rainbowsandkittens Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 of course i got an email from him this morning. of course i did. i wrote back. i'm such a jerk. it was a stupid joke he thought i would appreciate. grayclouds- i do have to force myself to work out. i've been making myself walk home from work every day though which is about a mile so that's something. coli- thank you! have a massive headache. this is like my 3rd day in a row. sigh.
Author rainbowsandkittens Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 ugh totally got sucked in. wrote back something funny (but not what he wanted to hear), he wrote back basically disappointed that i didn't drop at his feet and appreciate how funny he is. so i wrote back again and said "omg that is so funny! (better?)"- can't ever resist the urge to be a sarcastic biotch. of course i probably won't hear from him. why did i get sucked back in? why? why can't i just be normal? ugh.
Kaya Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 "omg that is so funny! (better?)" nice reply Don't beat yourself, just try not to let your mind spiral out of control with thoughts as to why he felt the need to send the email in the first place. I know I would probably be over-analysing.. I'm going to try the 21 days of gratitude too - need to focus on the good things for a change.
Author rainbowsandkittens Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 thanks. he actually did write back: hahah!! i know, right!?!? (much. thank you) and we're done. no more for today. i am not going to analyze why he wrote to me. i'm sure he just wants to keep in contact with me. i am much better about that stuff- i even told him that when we first started talking about taking a break. when i'm done with someone i'm done. i may obsess about them in my head or to my friends but they will NEVER hear from me again. ever. no calls, no texts, no emails. that's why i feel a little bit bad about responding to him. so glad you're doing the gratitude too! i have to say one of my things last night was about you guys- it's really nice to have people who understand how things are with you bc they're going through it to. though i wish none of us had to go through heartbreak it's nice to not be alone. [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
Author rainbowsandkittens Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 feeling a little lost today. yesterday was the first day since i totally blocked him. but he emailed me so we had some connection. today feels like the first day- kwim? i actually just looked up his profile on the online dating site. no idea why. i so want to move past this....
9Lives Posted November 1, 2009 Posted November 1, 2009 feeling a little lost today. yesterday was the first day since i totally blocked him. but he emailed me so we had some connection. today feels like the first day- kwim? i actually just looked up his profile on the online dating site. no idea why. i so want to move past this.... girl let me tell you. I am so where you are and I have hurt and hurt and hurt myself over this man of almost 5 years. You probably are not going to listen but I can tell you the BEST thing to do is Accept what has happen & let go completely or you are going to get hurt really really really bad You are not going to convince him to get back together think of the relationship you had as a circle...he has stepped out the circle. He is not in the relationship circle with you anymore. ACCEPT WHAT HAS HAPPEN & LET GO COMPLETELY He moving along just fine...you do the same beautiful
Recommended Posts