rebeccajones Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I dated women for about 5 years of my life, in my late 20's early 30's. This was 6 years ago. Six years ago I started dating men again. Growing up also only dated men. I was open about my life, but then with my current bf I have not been, because it was used against me previously and I feel I don't need to reveal my whole life or be an open book. The problem is I feel as if I'm hiding something. I have a couple of friends who are gay I consider them friends but because my bf does not know about my past I'm reluctant to get together with them and am not sure I want him to meet them. If he found out later would it be a big deal, would he be mad that I never said anything? I really want a new life, but I do care about a couple of people who I am currently avoiding because of my past and their lifestyle. I'm in a conundrum. At this point I really don't want to tell him anything, because what if he runs. Any thoughts are appreciated!
aerogurl87 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I dated women for about 5 years of my life, in my late 20's early 30's. This was 6 years ago. Six years ago I started dating men again. Growing up also only dated men. I was open about my life, but then with my current bf I have not been, because it was used against me previously and I feel I don't need to reveal my whole life or be an open book. The problem is I feel as if I'm hiding something. I have a couple of friends who are gay I consider them friends but because my bf does not know about my past I'm reluctant to get together with them and am not sure I want him to meet them. If he found out later would it be a big deal, would he be mad that I never said anything? I really want a new life, but I do care about a couple of people who I am currently avoiding because of my past and their lifestyle. I'm in a conundrum. At this point I really don't want to tell him anything, because what if he runs. Any thoughts are appreciated! I'm sorry but as a woman, in my opinion once your gay your always gonna be gay or in the least bisexual or bicurious. And if my boyfriend used to be gay I'd want to know. So I think your should be upfront with your partner on this since I know for alot of people it could be a big issue.
Author rebeccajones Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 I guess I don't see how it is important if I know myself. I experienced something and it was not for me.
boldjack Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Rebecca, The issue for me would be trust. Whether you are gay,bi, or straight, is less important than you are keeping something from your SO, which if he finds out from another source, could affect your relationship. You need not go into details, but should let him know that you have been Lesbian in the past, if only to show respect for him.
loveslife Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I experimented a little fooling around with women but decided I preferred men. Sorry, but it didn't take me five years to figure it out. Something to consider? You mention that you want a "new start" with this guy. Oftentimes when we have a bad experience we want our next relationship partner to be as completely different as possible. Maybe that's what's going on here? I've told bf's about my experiments with other women. They were all fine with it. Haha one guy even said, well, if you ever want to do it again that's okay with me but I have to be able to watch. Can you honestly look at him and say you're not gay?
Author rebeccajones Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 I can. because I am not. I have been in relationships with two men before him and was in love with both of them. PLus previously had always dated guys. Sex with a woman is not appealing, I never liked it.
Author rebeccajones Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 I guess I thought I might find a woman who was like a man, but just never did. I was confused. Once I dated a man again I knew this was how it was supposed to be.
loveslife Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I don't think most guys care much if you've been with a woman. Try not to make it a big deal or he'll think it's more than it was. For me, I just kind of made it a part of sex talk to get him a little aroused. "Ya know, I've been with women a few times..." That type of thing.
Author rebeccajones Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 thats sounds good loveslife. I tend to take everything so serious. I like that approach.
loveslife Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 thats sounds good loveslife. I tend to take everything so serious. I like that approach. Good. And quite frankly it probably will turn him on.
boogieboy Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 He might ask you to bring some girls into the mix.... HEs not worth your time if he runs after finding out you USED to be gay. Theres no reason to be alarmed at that. IMO, theres no reason to tell him, unless you dont want to hide from your friends. But if youre going to keep it a secret, you have to bite the bullet and bury the secret and own it. Dont keep thinking about it because you think you need to feel guilty that you need to reveal it.
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