turnstone Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 I sincerely hope he fantasised about any and/or all of the other women while he fc uked them or I or himself. I want no part of him to have had any part of me, even in a fantasy.
NowhereToHide Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 I think the times he was with me but fantasizing about the OW....he frequently had performance problems, which was new and out of the blue for us, but it should have been a big, red flag! How stupid I was! He was also, heavily, secretly into lots and lots of porn on a daily basis during his affair. There may have been other extra-curriculur activities. I know he was talking to other women seeking the next crush, thrill, etc., during the time of his affair. So we have sex once or twice a week while he's texting her she is the love of his life and he seems to be trawling for other....ahem...attention. The OW convinces him that I must have a lover because he has convinced her we never have sex. Do you understand the depth of this delusional thinking????? I have no idea who he fantasized about when with her. I began to realize, like anyone who grows addicted to any substance, this behavior had......NOTHING to do with me, though I am sure he rationalized I was at fault somehow. Now there is no more daily porn, no trawling for others and all the sex we can handle. I am sure affair sex is off the charts! And I'm jealous for always having been such a good girl. But I believe it is the dynamics of the situation that make it sooooo exciting, less the person you are having it with. Two years out, he claims it was the attention and flattery he found sooo exciting. That's what really turned him on; being able to reinvent yourself to be the person you always wanted to be, with someone who didn't know jack about your past. Hmmmm....I guess I need to believe this to go forward. What do I fantasize about?? Mostly situational and always....him. My affair sex sucked... it isn't fabulous for everyone. The one time we did have sex, it was very disappointing. My husband is awesome in bed. I didn't have the affair because I needed sex... I did it because there was something inside me that needed what my AP was giving me emotionally.
2sure Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 My affair sex sucked... it isn't fabulous for everyone. The one time we did have sex, it was very disappointing. Even as a BS I have to say I'm almost disappointed for you. I mean the guilt, the betrayal, the risk, everything...and no hot affair sex. That would have pissed me off at myself. But I get it, you weren't looking for sex. A lot of people think they are when its really something else.
NowhereToHide Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 My affair sex sucked... it isn't fabulous for everyone. The one time we did have sex, it was very disappointing. Even as a BS I have to say I'm almost disappointed for you. I mean the guilt, the betrayal, the risk, everything...and no hot affair sex. That would have pissed me off at myself. But I get it, you weren't looking for sex. A lot of people think they are when its really something else. 2Sure... yes, I was disappointed. But it does make it easier in those moments where I start to fantasize about him and go to the place of "would I have been better of with him?" As far as the sex, he was like a 17 year old boy. And let's just say not at all well endowed. I actually have sympathy for his wife in that department, though I'm sure they've figured out a routine that works. After our really strong emotional connection, I was dying to be physical with him. I just assumed that if we felt that much passion for each other without even touching, that the sex would be amazing. Nope. Very strange.
I Miss the Kiss Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 After our really strong emotional connection, I was dying to be physical with him. I just assumed that if we felt that much passion for each other without even touching, that the sex would be amazing. Nope. Very strange. LOL My xMM and I had exactly three sexual encounters. The first was not actual intercourse, but let's just say he showed me where his talents and his interests lie with respect to the female anatomy! The second encounter was full-blown sex, but not as great as I had imagined it would be. Very emotional and amazing, but not so much his performance. He was kind of going crazy! All over the place! hee hee BUT..... the third time was mind-blowing, amazing, and everything we had both ever wanted. I still can't get it out of my head and neither can he... So to answer the original question: When I have had sex with my H during this entire A, especially after the xMM and I became intimate, I think solely of my xMM. Honestly, right now it is the only way I can get through it. I am not proud of that fact, but it is true... This is why I am ready to go NC with xMM and try to get my head back.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 Also, something I don't think I have seen mentioned here before, during the 9 month long EA at least, the sexual tension between MM and I greatly enhanced the sex between SO and I as well as between MM and his wife. Literally, since the hormones of being in love were running wild in MM and me, we were both highly tuned to sex even when it was not with each other. Now that would be hard for a BS to hear. Just when you think that your M is back on track, you find out that you're just the stand-in for the person your WS really desires. Ouch... Mr. Lucky
mybrowneyedgirl Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 when with BS i think about him. when with AP it think about him. both are equally great, but dont mix.
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