sunshine_08 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I met a guy online a couple weeks ago and we planned a date to meet up and get to know one another better. All week we were talking about anxiously awaiting the meeting and whatnot, it was great He was supposed to pick me up on Sat afternoon, about an hour before he was to arrive he txtd me cancelling saying that he wasn't feeling well and he hopes it's ok if we could reschedule for next weekend. I txtd back and asked him to call me. He called and said he was sorry but he had a really bad migraine and he would call me later just to let me know how he was feeling. Day turned into night and I heard nothing back. All day Sunday passed and still nothing, so I txtd saying I hope he was feeling better, still no reply. On Monday I was very frustrated and I txtd asking for an explanation as I felt totally blown off. He txtd back saying he was sorry and he shouldve called yesterday (sunday) he had no excuse for not doing so. Then he went on to ask if I would please allow him take me out next weekend to make up for it....what should I do, I don't want a repeat...
hannie_1988 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 If you're still interested in him, then meet up. You'll never know where it will take you, if you don't meet up anytime in the future then you'll never know what's going to happen.. Always take a shot, find out and learn from an experience. I wish you all the best If it doesn't go too well, at least you give a shot! :-)
Author sunshine_08 Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 thanks hannie, i'll think about it, if i do end up giving him a chance im definitely not gonna get all excited as i did the first time, that way if he does it again i wont feel as hurt..
Lucky_One Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I'd be leery and cautious, but migraines can really knock you out. That's assuming that he DID have a migraine, and just not a better offer. Maybe another chance, but a chance with some scrutiny and no leeway.
Bejita463 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I can tell you from personal experience that migraines can be debilitating. Mine give me such extreme tunnel vision they nearly blind me, and that is just a warning sign (not an exaggeration) that I am about to be messed up in roughly 10 minutes. Depending on how bad it is, my personal brand of migraine can affect me for several days. Having said that, the excuse seems pretty flimsy. Even when my migraines are at their worst, and I get them pretty bad, they would not stop me from making a call the following day. In fact, they would not even prevent my going back to work the next day.
Author sunshine_08 Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 when i asked how come i hadnt heard from him the next day he said he felt embarassed and he knew i was upset so he was hesitant to contact me :s
aerogurl87 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 when i asked how come i hadnt heard from him the next day he said he felt embarassed and he knew i was upset so he was hesitant to contact me :s Ok see I would've let the migraine excuse slide, but claiming he felt too embarrased to call or text just seems a bit sketchy. I mean not calling I can understand, but a text is so informal and impersonal that I can text just about anything to someone. So if you take him up on his offer I would be cautious of him since this is starting to sound like he really was blowing you off.
loveslife Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I think he is playing games with you. It just doesn't add up. Ya know?
New Again Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 yeah, as loveslife says, none of this adds up. I wouldn't go out with him, or contact him. Plus, do you really wanna go out with a guy who's such a weenie he can't call you, just because he knows you're upset (and rightfully so).
loveslife Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Plus, do you really wanna go out with a guy who's such a weenie he can't call you, just because he knows you're upset (and rightfully so). Good point, New Again!
SummerLady Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 For me I say NO. He would cause untrusting feelings in me right out of the gate based off this and that would never work for me. Not sure how you are though with trust. I say go with your GUT. My gut never proved wrong. I just never followed it before.....
tkgirl Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I have zero patience for flakey guys these days... but flakey and a wimp? I say RUN!!!
DustySaltus Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 He sounds like a flake to me. I would meet him if he pursued you but not for anything big, just a cup of coffee or something during the day. This way you don't waste too much time and see if you really think he is worth pursuing. From a man's perspective if I am really into someone I would A) Do everything I can to make sure I show up on the date B) Call you to cancel, not text. In that situation a phone call is appropriate C) Ask to see you again and apologize (which he did to his credit).
Author sunshine_08 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 thanks guys, i really appreciate it. he was supposed to take me to a show to which he got no refund for the wasted tix but he doesnt seem to mind too much, he really wants to take me there and he insists he try and get tix for it again, up until last night i said sure whatever, but then after reading your opinions i txtd this morn saying i think it best we do not attend the show and jus go for a drink instead. he txtd back with "ok then". we'll see how the rest of the week goes as this plan to meet is for this sat, i will keep you guys posted, thx again for everything it's always so much easier to see clearly when you're an outsider looking in, much appreciated
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 what should I do, I don't want a repeat... Do not meet people in real life after just "two weeks" of online chat. You wouldn't be online with them in the first place if you didn't want the additional comfort of a greater personal investment in someone before such a meeting. What you experienced was little different than having met someone in a chatroom and both been enticed by being regulars at the same nearby coffee shop, only to both be inspired to meet at that coffee shop 45 minutes later. Once you would reach such a place, you still wouldn't have enough 'invested' in one another to inspire thriving conversation. Take more tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime before meeting in real life - even if he lives three blocks away.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I wouldn't freakin give him another chance. You teach people how to treat you and if this is how he's doing on the FIRST date, I can only imagine what he'd be like in a relationship. He doesn't view you as "special" at all and if you arrange another date with him, you'll be agreeing with his assessment. I wouldn't be giving a guy the impression he's right about that - move along jerk-off (the guy)...seriously, there are nice guys out there.
SoulSearch_CO Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Do not meet people in real life after just "two weeks" of online chat. WTF? I totally disagree. Why waste more than 2 weeks of your life on somebody that when you meet up IRL could be a total freaking dud? I've met lots of guys IRL after chatting online. Most recent guy I'm dating, in fact - we chatted for 10 days online and met up in person. If it's the safety factor, as long as somebody knows where you're going (like a friend or family member) and you're going somewhere safe to meet the person, I don't see what the big deal is. I can think of one guy in particular that I'm glad I DIDN'T waste a ton of online time with. He took a picture of himself at a great angle and looked freaking drop-dead gorgeous. Great to talk to, interesting hobbies, etc. We met up after...IDK, I want to say probably 2 weeks... Oh, gees. The pic was VERY deceptive, he was a horrible conversationalist and more things about his personal life that were not cool with me came to the forefront. IRL, you get people off-the-cuff...it's much harder to lie and project an image.
Author sunshine_08 Posted October 6, 2009 Author Posted October 6, 2009 i dont know, he has apologized quite a few times in the last couple days and i will admit i am leaning toward giving him a second chance. i am not gettin my hopes up for it though, if he falls through on it then im definitely cutting him off, will keep u guys posted, thx again
seoa Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 i'm more sympathetic to this guy - if the migraine was real, he had to cancel... if he's not massively confident (or has previously been treated badly in a relationship), he could easily have been worried that you hadn't believed him, and was reluctant to call... (yes, that was stupid of him, but it can easy to be a bit stupid in the early days of a relationship) you don't know enough about him to make a decision yet - good or bad - that was why you were meeting up with him...
danny75 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 I agree with SincereOnlineGuy For all you no the migrane he had was his wife telling him that he wasnt allowed out that night with his mates. Talk to him alot more before you even think about dating this guy, if you have kids then make sure you have talked for at least two months on an everyday basis at all times.
Author sunshine_08 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 he did say he really thought i thought he was lying to me so... thx for your take on it seoa thx for the advice danny, i dont have kids so no worries there
WineCountry Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 OP, If you feel you want to give him a 2nd chance, from this point forth, make NO CONTACT with him. Dont text him first. If he texts you, just answer briefly. Dont fawn all over him. Dont call him first, and for Gods sake, PLEASE do not bring up the fact that he is supposed to be taking you out. Stop pursuing him altogether and see what he does. He is the one that bailed on you, so it should be up to him to contact you and set things up for any next date. This is not game playing, you are just trying to see if the guy is really flakey, or if you can take him seriously. Its easier to tell if you dont hunt him down all the time. Not that you do..just sayin'. If he is honestly interested in getting to know you, he will make it happen. Trust me. Just let him make the plans now, cause he is the one that canceled.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 He does sound like a flake and a wimp. And you let a perfect stranger pick you up at your house on the first date? Sounds scary to me. You know nothing about this guy -- and you are showing him where you live before you've screened him at all.
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 While I understand that migraines can be debilitating, the excuse about not returning your text was incredibly lame. To top it off, why the weekend afterwards and why not a closer weeknight? Is he still in elementary school where Mommy and Daddy don't let him out during the weekday? I dunno...I'd personally ditch this loser.
mortensorchid Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 We have to assume that the migraine was legit. If it was, then yes that is excusable. Of course, do you have any idea if this was true or not? Whether or not the migraine excuse was true or not, he should have been more considerate and made the motion to YOU first. I gave someone a second chance I shouldn't have last summer. I had met someone online, we had arranged to get together. Then, just as I was about to leave the house to meet him, he calls and says that his father was sick and he might have to take him to the hospital. Whether or not that was true, I don't know. But he texted later that night and said he couldn't meet me. A week or so later, like an idiot, after not hearing from him for a few days afterwards, I contacted him on the IM. We had arranged to go to a party a few weeks later, and the night of the party I never heard from him! I went to the party by myself. The next day, I get a text message from him saying that he was busy and he didn't have my number. I texted him back and told him where to go, saying I would never bother with some inconsiderate a****** like him again. He canceled once, he'll cancel again. Forget them and move on.
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