crrogers Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I have been dating a guy for about 4 months. He is 41 and I am 34. When we first met (through Yahoo! personals) we hit it off right away. On the 5th date when I tried to fool around with him by kissing his chest, he started giggling like a little kid and we had couldn't go any further because he would laugh everytime I would kiss him anywhere other than his face. I could tell he was really embarassed and worried I would leave him bc of this, so I told him that it wasn't a big deal. A month later he wanted to be exclusive and I agreed. One day after this, I found he had a profile for a hook up site (made before we had started dating) and saw an instant message conversation (made the day before when we were exclusive) where someome messaged him and he flirted with them but, when asked to come over to their house, he said he was too tired to do so. I confronted him, he apologized and erased his profile. I checked all the sex sites and he no longer has a profile. I have also done a little checking on him and am very sure he is not cheating on me. However, we still rarely have sex (once/2weeks). Recently, he has started to want fool around more and I oblige. Secretly, though, I have lost interest. It's not that I don't think he is handsome anymore, but I just don't find him sexually attractive anymore. I don't tell him this, I just play along and make sure I am very affectionate in other ways (kissing, cooking for him, et cetera) Other than the no sex thing, the relationship is great. However, I really want to be sexually attracted to my partner and although I find him handsome, I am no longer sexually attracted to him. Has anybody every experienced something liike this --- where the relationship is going great but you just lose sexual attraction for somebody so quickly???? .
Hkizzle Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Well I've never lost it quickly. But I lost sexual attraction for my ex GF in the last year of our relationship before we broke up. I just didn't even feel the urge to have sex with her even when she was lying next to me. I think you're relationship isn't going to work out if you're not attracted sexually, time to move on.
cognac Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 If learning a guy you're datings flaws makes them sexually unattractive in your eyes, I suggest you stick to one night stands.
Bejita463 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 If learning a guy you're datings flaws makes them sexually unattractive in your eyes I do not see how you have drawn this conclusion.
EcstasyX6 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Yes. This happened to me. I was dating a handsome tall sexy looking guy, who was an excellent kisser, and we got along great, but when it came down to nuts and bolts, he just kind of overdid things. It was as if he was an inexperienced teenager or something. He also pushed my hand away and kind of giggled when I tried to touch him for the first time after a third date. I ended the relationship after 9 months, because for me, intimacy is a big part of the relationship. I was 43 and he was 50, so for anyone who cuts me down for leaving him, I just think it's odd if you don't have it figured out by that age and at this point in my life after a long marriage, I'm not going to play teacher. How did you get from first base to scoring with him? Was it awkward? If my bf had been better in other areas, I would have stayed. Even with going down, I got the feeling he just wasn't into it, and doing it to please me, but I could tell there was an eeww factor for him. Just a deal breaker period.
aerogurl87 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Well I never experienced this but if a guy I was dating only had sex with me once every 2 weeks, I'd be out the door. I'm a highly sexual person who enjoys sex. I don't even get to see my boyfriend everyday due to our differing schedules but we still manage to have sex at least 2-5 times a week. So once every 2 weeks wouldn't cut it for me and it sounds like it's not working for you either. I say to cut your losses and find someone who can fufill your sexual needs before this snowballs into a bigger issue and your stuck in a sexless relationship in which your miserable sometime down the road.
bac Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I checked all the sex sites and he no longer has a profile. I just play along and make sure I am very affectionate in other ways (kissing, cooking for him, et cetera) Other than the no sex thing, the relationship is great. Has anybody every experienced something liike this --- where the relationship is going great but you just lose sexual attraction for somebody so quickly???? I have experiences of dating men in 40s. As for checking sex sites, attached and married men are seeking for a descreet relationship, therefore they do not have a pic and they provide distorted info, even about their age, town and everything. More of that, they just have pics of their body parts or c...cks so it is impossible to recognize them. But, of course, I do not mean at all that your guy is interested in those sites. I just give you general info that I know about other men. Could you please clarify what do you mean when you say "otherwise the relationship is great"? How often do you speak on the phone? How long? Is he emotionally open with you when you are together? Is he supportive and helpful towards you?
loveslife Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Is it possible he's gay? Some gay men want a relationship with a woman to fit in.
Author crrogers Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 By the "relationship is great" I mean that he is very affectionate in other ways: will go out of his way to help me (e.g., takes me out to restaurants, stayed up all night proofreading a paper with me last week, he will iron my clothes if I am in a hurry, he has driven an hour to pick me up when my car wouldn't start) and I will do the same for him. He always wants to cuddle and kiss, but that's it. We see each other almost every night (4-5 times/week). I just finished my residency and now am contemplating moving out-of-state and he wants to quit his job as a physical therapist and follow me in a few months. I just feel awful about the whole thing! I checked all the sex sites and he no longer has a profile. I just play along and make sure I am very affectionate in other ways (kissing, cooking for him, et cetera) Other than the no sex thing, the relationship is great. Has anybody every experienced something liike this --- where the relationship is going great but you just lose sexual attraction for somebody so quickly???? I have experiences of dating men in 40s. As for checking sex sites, attached and married men are seeking for a descreet relationship, therefore they do not have a pic and they provide distorted info, even about their age, town and everything. More of that, they just have pics of their body parts or c...cks so it is impossible to recognize them. But, of course, I do not mean at all that your guy is interested in those sites. I just give you general info that I know about other men. Could you please clarify what do you mean when you say "otherwise the relationship is great"? How often do you speak on the phone? How long? Is he emotionally open with you when you are together? Is he supportive and helpful towards you?
bac Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 When I have read the description of your great relationship, I was suprised because it sounded too good. If he is so much into you, he is one in million. As for sex one time per 2 wks, it is normal with men in 40s. Men in 40s may have sex once per 1-5 months, if they are in a long relationship. That is normal as well. They normally masturbate in meanwhile because it is better for their low sexuality and low testosterone level. But, when you mentioned the residency, ......... .
GorillaTheater Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 As for sex one time per 2 wks, it is normal with men in 40s. Men in 40s may have sex once per 1-5 months, if they are in a long relationship. That is normal as well. God save us from "normal".
stepka Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Take it from a woman who was married to a gay man for 23 years. This one sounds gay. My husband loved to cuddle and kiss, and even liked to have sex, or pretended to anyway, and some gay men do fall in love with women and/or like to be with them, but the attraction part just isn't there. You could probably break up with this man and still be friends, and it would be one of the few cases where that would work, and then you could go find a man that the relationship would truly work with--that's what I'll be looking for.
Author crrogers Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 Wow, how did you finally find out he was gay? That must have been very hard on you. Is there still a friendship b/t you two?
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