katie1991 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Ok, this sounds crazy and unbelievable . . . but it is my story, so please do not judge me or this post. Seeking true and honest feedback, ok? I am 18 years old. My boyfriend (Rick) is 21. We met between my Jr. and Sr. year in H.S., so we have been dating about 2 years. I come from a conservative home and now live at the University of Cincinnati dorms. My BF goes there too. I fell in love at first sight. He is kind of a "bad boy" with a soft caring personality (once you get through the exterior). We are very close and almost soulmates. However, I sometimes wonder if I am too young to settle down. No ruch to engagement or anything! Basically, I do love him, he treats me very well and we are almost the perfect couple. He is very attractive and so am I. I model on the side and he is very athletic. Prior to Rick, I had been with a only one guy (once). Then, Rick totally swept me off my feet. We were not intimate at the beginning. It took about 2-3 months and then we only were intimate as out schedules permitted (i lived at home, he was in college). I thought it was good, but very standard and safe. I always felt intimidated as Rick has had several partners and is much more experienced than I am. I am not jealous at all, just feel insecure. Ok, don't judge this part: I have dabbled into looking internet porn and enjoy it very much. I suppose this is rare for a girl. I look for really kinky and taboo stuff that I would never try in real life (group sex, threesomes, black guys, cum swapping, young boys, older men w younger girls, etc). Kind of a fantasy I guess. Coming from my conservative home, I suppose it was an escape to the scrict values. Well, here is where it gets interesting . . . Rick catches me pleasuring myslef looking at threesome pics (2 females and a male). He walks in on me (forgot to lock the door). I thought I was going to die! I turned of the monitor and started to cry and ran out of the room. He followed me and caught up to me. He told me it was ok and that he looks at porn sometimes too. I was so embarrased because he tough I was a good girl and I feared it would change his image of me. We went back to my dorm room and talked some more. He asked if he could look at some of my pics . . we did together and I was never so turned on. We had the best sex ever that day!! We talked about what we liked and did not in the porn. Obviously, the threesome topic came up. I shared that these were fantasies and that I have always felt insecure because I never have had many sexual experiences compared to him. he mentioned that he would like me to be a little more like the girls in the pics (seriously, I would like to be). He asked if I ever had thoughts of being with another guy. I told him that I loved him too much. He pressed the issues and I said of course! I look at porn, don;t I? he then chocked me to death . . . he mentioned that he gets really turned on thinking about me with another guy. I thought he was trying to trick me . . but he was serious. The next weekend, we were at his apartment having a good time drinking and a couple of friend came over. One of his friends (Bob) kept flirting with me all night. Rick took notice and they both seemed to be smiling at each other. As everyone else left for the night, just Rick and Bob were left . . . I knew what was going on. Rick started rubbing my back and softly asked if I would be interested in Bob? No, Bob is very good looking . . . he is an athlete and . . well, wow is all I can say. We openlytalked about the threesome and I felt like a 15 yo schoolgirl . . . all giggly and we all were. In the end, I said I want to think about it. We all set a date for this Thursday (the 8th) to get together again. Rick wants me to do this and honestly, I reall want to be with the two of them together. I have read all the posts. I know what you are going to say (it will change things, etc). I am going to do it. I went to Hustler tonight and picket our a nice schoolgirl costume and some toys. I want to do a little tease for them (so out of character for me). So, my mind is made up. MY QUESTION FOR YOU: WHY DO YOU THINK THIS TURNS ON MY BOYFRIEND (TO SEE ME WITH OTHER GUYS) . . . CAN I REALLY BE THIS LUCKY??
boldjack Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 You are going to be in for a very unpleasant surprise. You may think that your relationship with your BF will remain the same, but this isn't what's going to happen. After he see's you with another man, he will look at you differently, he may begin to suspect that he won't be able to please you anymore, by himself. You also won't be able to look at him the same, and may have issues of trust. Whatever happens, neither of you will be as close as you are now. Before you do anything like this, you should understand the risks.
Angel1111 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 It's a very bad idea to go down this road because you'll probably feel degraded and disgusted afterward. Don't let a man - any man - talk you into this nonsense. Your bf isn't thinking about what this will do to you, or to your relationship with one another. You have to be protective of yourself.
clv0116 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I've done MFF and MFFF, but never what you're talking about; still, it wasn't really what I expected, it was sort of a logistical exercise. Just keep in mind that the reality might not live up to your fantasy.
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 It might not work out... and im just gonna leave it at that. dont do threesomes while your in a serious relationship! One of y'all will start to do worse.
Trialbyfire Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 katie, why does this sound like a male fantasy? If you're into it, go for it. I'm sure the three of you will have a great time...
boldjack Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I've had FMF threesomes before, and the relationship usually goes south, immediately after. Either My girl became jealous (with reason) or I began to feel that it was the norm, and wanted to have more of them, and therefore wouldn't committ to my original GF.
Hkizzle Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Just do it. You're in university and still young. As long as everyone agrees to it then go ahead.
Lucky_One Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Don't expect your BF to be satisfied with this one time, and don't expect either one of them to keep their mouths shut about it. If you don't mind being the topic of discussion among their friends, and if you don't mind Rick's other friends asking if they can get in on the action, and if you don't mind Rick asking you if Bill can come over on next Saturday night - then have fun. I would strongly advise against this. Fantasies are great, but fantasies are not real life.
Author katie1991 Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 Thanks for the responses. I am def. rethinking some things. But I really want to know why you all think this turns my BF on? Why does he want to see me with another man? Does he want to be with another woman? Do you think he already has been? Or does he really want to see me with other men. I might be open to the idea of having this kind of fun at my age. I am not looking to get married or anything. Good point on my reputation. I do not want this getting around. Some good things to think about there. Honestly, this has really gotten me thinking that I am very inexperienced and perhaps has some wild side to get out. Is this a way to do that and still enjoy the relationship with my BF. This is only sex . . our enjoy our friendship more. Just more randomthoughts.
boldjack Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Katie, when fantasy becomes reality, it loses it's attraction. When you do this, your BF and the other guy WILL talk about you as being easy, and you will be asked to do it again, probably with other guys. Your BF sounds like he has self-esteem issues, and doesn't think that he can satisfy you. Even if you're not looking to get married, the stigma can and will follow you through life. So if you do this, be aware of the possible risks.
boldjack Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 BTW, if threesomes were that great, everybody would be doing them, all the time.
hoping2heal Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Your boyfriend clearly sees you more as a sex object, then respects you as a human being. Listen when people tell you that fantasy such as this turning into reality is not as "fun" as you will think, also if you cried over being caught masterbating? Thinking it somehow meant you were not a good girl? Being used for sex by two males, is going to REALLY make you feel like sh*t about yourself. I just wanna kick your boyfriend in the balls as we speak. Dime a dozen hack he is. Grrrrr
Angel1111 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Thanks for the responses. I am def. rethinking some things. But I really want to know why you all think this turns my BF on? Why does he want to see me with another man? Does he want to be with another woman? Do you think he already has been? Or does he really want to see me with other men. I might be open to the idea of having this kind of fun at my age. I am not looking to get married or anything. Good point on my reputation. I do not want this getting around. Some good things to think about there. Honestly, this has really gotten me thinking that I am very inexperienced and perhaps has some wild side to get out. Is this a way to do that and still enjoy the relationship with my BF. This is only sex . . our enjoy our friendship more. Just more randomthoughts. The short answer is, it doesn't matter why. When it comes to your body, your self-respect, your principles, and your reputation, it doesn't matter what other people want you to do. It's about you and only you. As others here have eluded to already, this will be very difficult to live down, and you will be opening a door to something I don't think you're prepared for. Now, the actual answer as to why. Maybe it's because your bf watches too much porn, or he's super-immature about sex, or he's just really deluding himself into thinking this is an ok thing to talk you into. I agree with what someone else said - he doesn't really have any respect for you and probably only sees you as a sex object. If he wants this kind of thing, he needs to be alone to explore this stuff. I'm sure he'll tell you that other people just don't understand and that he loves you like crazy. But I'm telling you that no guy in his right mind would want to see the woman he loves with another man. Period.
JackJack Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 You do what you want. BUT here is my 2 cents, have some self respect.
AAlike Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 But I'm telling you that no guy in his right mind would want to see the woman he loves with another man. Period. that is completely and utterly untrue and extremely judgemental. Although it is completely not for me, I know of two couples that regularly engage in extramarital activity, and they are among the happiest couples that I've seen. It all depends. That said, I agree that this does not look like a favorable situation. Since this guy is only 21, and the reason that this came up is that he saw you watching porn, it just reeks of him thinking "oh man I can get this girl to do this, wait till I tell my boys" versus "I'd like to see my girlfriend receiving the goddess treatment." I can't say for certain, but if I were a betting man, I don't see this ending great... 18 is just a little too young to handle a threesome IMO - especially within a relationship. if you do want to experiment in this fashion, however, my suggestion would be to be completely single first.
Angel1111 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 that is completely and utterly untrue and extremely judgemental. Although it is completely not for me, I know of two couples that regularly engage in extramarital activity, and they are among the happiest couples that I've seen. It all depends. That said, I agree that this does not look like a favorable situation. Since this guy is only 21, and the reason that this came up is that he saw you watching porn, it just reeks of him thinking "oh man I can get this girl to do this, wait till I tell my boys" versus "I'd like to see my girlfriend receiving the goddess treatment." I can't say for certain, but if I were a betting man, I don't see this ending great... 18 is just a little too young to handle a threesome IMO - especially within a relationship. if you do want to experiment in this fashion, however, my suggestion would be to be completely single first. I have never encountered a guy who wouldn't be extremely pissed about me being with another man. I've known couples like the one you're referring to but I don't believe the majority of them are happy. Maybe they are and maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps it does work out in one in a million cases. Instead of saying a 'no guy in his right mind' maybe I should've said 'the large majority of guys' wouldn't want to see the person they love with another guy.
hoping2heal Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I have never encountered a guy who wouldn't be extremely pissed about me being with another man. I've known couples like the one you're referring to but I don't believe the majority of them are happy. Maybe they are and maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps it does work out in one in a million cases. Instead of saying a 'no guy in his right mind' maybe I should've said 'the large majority of guys' wouldn't want to see the person they love with another guy. If they were so happy with eachother they wouldn't need to be banging other people IMO. Maybe they are happy individually that they can go out and screw around with no consequences, sure.
AAlike Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I have never encountered a guy who wouldn't be extremely pissed about me being with another man. I've known couples like the one you're referring to but I don't believe the majority of them are happy. Maybe they are and maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps it does work out in one in a million cases. Instead of saying a 'no guy in his right mind' maybe I should've said 'the large majority of guys' wouldn't want to see the person they love with another guy. fair enough...I would disagree that the majority are unhappy, but honestly it's not really relevant. whether it's "one in a million", or "one in three" -statistics are kind of overkill - my point was only that this is not a black and white thing, which you acknowledged. Honestly, I'm not really sure how "in love" these people are considering she was already thinking that she might be better off single and frankly, I don't think that you can really be in love when you're 18 in this day and age. If I thought that this was a relationship destined to go the distance, I would probably advise much more strongly against it.
AAlike Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 If they were so happy with eachother they wouldn't need to be banging other people IMO. Maybe they are happy individually that they can go out and screw around with no consequences, sure. or maybe they just realize that sex is only a very small portion of what makes up a loving relationship, and actually enjoy sharing different kinds of sexual pleasure? look, it's not my cup of tea - sex is best for me when there is a synergy that I think the presence of a third party, regardess of gender, would only hinder, and the thought of seeing my fiancee with another guy is not exactly high on my list. but everyone has boundaries and perimissable activities that work within the context of their own relationship - and I don't see any reason why two people that don't require physical monogamy from one another can't be 100% happy. I can't imagine being so judgemental. happiness is rare enough this day and age.
JamesM Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 MY QUESTION FOR YOU: WHY DO YOU THINK THIS TURNS ON MY BOYFRIEND (TO SEE ME WITH OTHER GUYS) . . . CAN I REALLY BE THIS LUCKY?? I am not sure that it is luck. And when he sees you with the other guy and sees you having fun, then he may be thinking differently afterward. I am guessing that (if this is true and you want this) he will be the one with second thoughts. And his opinion of you will change. BTW, have you considered the fact that in the future if/when your relationship with Rick ends that you will be telling future partners about this little escapade?
blair08 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) I remember a friend of mine years ago that this very thing came up in her and her partners relationship. I rember her telling me he wanted to bring other people into the mix. She also told me he reassured her many times that he loved her so much that he wanted to share her with others and that he wasn't the "jealous" type. I call BS on that. Most people will be convinced or even convince themselves that if their spouse or partner loves them so much then it must be ok to share them with another. I don't buy it. This is about HIM and what HE wants. The way I see is, in my friends situation, if he loved her so much like he said, he wouldn't want to share. Some would argue that he was greedy and jealous if he didn't share, that is BS again. Its about two people sharing something special between each other not bringing in everyone under the sun. If he wants to do that, he should remain single. Needless to say, my friend went along with what her then partner wanted. Of course it didn't last. She ended it when she found out he wanted her to be with another guy because he had already been with another girl and was feeling bad! Edited October 5, 2009 by blair08
Lucky_One Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Your title says "BF Wants Threesomes and More??" What is MORE than a threesome? James asked if you would be willing to share this escapade with a possible future lover. That is something to think about, as is your future in general. When you are 10 years older (and you will be, one day, even if it seems impossible now), will you want to look up your old college friends and meet for alum weekends and football games? Or will the knowledge that your old college friends still laugh about your sexual activities coupled with the fear that they will tell your new young husband about it keep you from remaining friendly with people in your past?
Angel1111 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 She ended it when she found out he wanted her to be with another guy because he had already been with another girl and was feeling bad! This is what I think is going on. Her bf either wants to be with other women or already has been, and the only way he can get her to agree to be ok with it is for her to be with another man (or men). Then he can throw it in her face and she has no recourse to ever expect him to be faithful to her. It's the perfect set up for getting someone to agree to cheating.
AAlike Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I remember a friend of mine years ago that this very thing came up in her and her partners relationship. I rember her telling me he wanted to bring other people into the mix. She also told me he reassured her many times that he loved her so much that he wanted to share her with others and that he wasn't the "jealous" type. I call BS on that. Most people will be convinced or even convince themselves that if their spouse or partner loves them so much then it must be ok to share them with another. I don't buy it. well of course under THAT premise it didn't work!!! if anyone says anything as retarded as "I love you so much that I want to share you with others" then they are being self-serving and completely moronic. However, this is different because it supposedly was conceptualized as a product of HER fantasies. That is totally different than him just going up to her out of the blue and saying "hey, I wanna share you." Plus, the idea is appealing to her too, it's not like he's trying to sell her on something that Its about two people sharing something special between each other not bringing in everyone under the sun. If he wants to do that, he should remain single. more judgemental crap. it's about whatever the two people that are in the relationship want to share and how they want to share it. just because the guy in your story was an idiot doesn't mean that everyone has to adhere to your standards. the funny thing is that I agree with most of you that OP shouldn't do this in the current situation...just the fact that she's worried about it "getting around" is a pretty good indicator that she's not certain if these are the types of guys that can aptly handle said situation, and that she's not 100% sure herself. and doing something like this when you're not totally sure is a pretty good indication that it's not going to be good.
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