kimflute26 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Alright, I need to vent. My boyfriend and I broke up about a week and a half ago and surprisingly at this point I feel 100% ok with it. It feels like it was definitely the right thing for both of us and I'm doing well. But suddenly I remember the one little thing about this relationship that will never.... ever go away: herpes . Luckily it is the kind of genital herpes that was passed from mouth to genitals (rather than genitals to genitals) so it is a less severe form. Anyway, this is the story: I was 19 (20 now) and never had any experiences with cold sores or anything like that. I didn't even know what they looked like... But from reading about them I DID know the dangers that were possible if you were kissed by someone who had one, or if that person gave you oral sex. I noticed a bump near my boyfriends mouth one day and pointed to it, making a frowning face. He said, "Oh yeah... that's just something I get maybe once a year .. I think due to not sleeping". I had NO idea that he was talking about a cold sore... and I didn't know what cold sores looked like (as I mentioned before), so I said "Ooooh no I think that's just acne...". My boyfriend always had some acne so it didn't seem far off at all. He continued to kiss me, etc. Then at one point he gave me oral sex. All was good, woohoo.... (or so I thought....). That was until one or two days later when I saw him putting cold sore medicine on the bump! My heart sank... "That's a cold sore!?!?!?!?!" I said. He said it was and a terrible conversation followed: "Why did you kiss me every day when you knew you had that?? Didn't you know they are contagious?????????" "Yes I guess I did.... but cold sores have been so normal for me... I've always gotten them.. and when I would get close to you I guess it was out of my mind..." "Don't you realize that they can be passed through oral sex!?!?!?!?!?" He didn't. And alas, I got my first herpes breakout about a week later. If only my ex had said the words "cold sore" as opposed to "a bump I get every year because I'm not sleeping" it would've clicked for me and this would have NEVER happened. While I was in the relationship I was able to put it behind me, although a bit of anger would always pop up whenever I'd get an outbreak. But now.... it's post breakup and I think I'm getting another outbreak.... and suddenly I'm angrier than ever. I don't know if I can even be friends with this kid anymore, or talk to him again.... Some kind words would be helpful and appreciated right now .
hoping2heal Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) Alright, I need to vent. My boyfriend and I broke up about a week and a half ago and surprisingly at this point I feel 100% ok with it. It feels like it was definitely the right thing for both of us and I'm doing well. But suddenly I remember the one little thing about this relationship that will never.... ever go away: herpes . Luckily it is the kind of genital herpes that was passed from mouth to genitals (rather than genitals to genitals) so it is a less severe form. Anyway, this is the story: I was 19 (20 now) and never had any experiences with cold sores or anything like that. I didn't even know what they looked like... But from reading about them I DID know the dangers that were possible if you were kissed by someone who had one, or if that person gave you oral sex. I noticed a bump near my boyfriends mouth one day and pointed to it, making a frowning face. He said, "Oh yeah... that's just something I get maybe once a year .. I think due to not sleeping". I had NO idea that he was talking about a cold sore... and I didn't know what cold sores looked like (as I mentioned before), so I said "Ooooh no I think that's just acne...". My boyfriend always had some acne so it didn't seem far off at all. He continued to kiss me, etc. Then at one point he gave me oral sex. All was good, woohoo.... (or so I thought....). That was until one or two days later when I saw him putting cold sore medicine on the bump! My heart sank... "That's a cold sore!?!?!?!?!" I said. He said it was and a terrible conversation followed: "Why did you kiss me every day when you knew you had that?? Didn't you know they are contagious?????????" "Yes I guess I did.... but cold sores have been so normal for me... I've always gotten them.. and when I would get close to you I guess it was out of my mind..." "Don't you realize that they can be passed through oral sex!?!?!?!?!?" He didn't. And alas, I got my first herpes breakout about a week later. If only my ex had said the words "cold sore" as opposed to "a bump I get every year because I'm not sleeping" it would've clicked for me and this would have NEVER happened. While I was in the relationship I was able to put it behind me, although a bit of anger would always pop up whenever I'd get an outbreak. But now.... it's post breakup and I think I'm getting another outbreak.... and suddenly I'm angrier than ever. I don't know if I can even be friends with this kid anymore, or talk to him again.... Some kind words would be helpful and appreciated right now . Oh hail no, I've never had an ex give me an std. If I did, he wouldn't be an ex he would be in the obituaries. Friends? Be friends? Girl, reading this post made me wanna do a drive by from here to brooklyn. So he gave you oral sex with a cold sore, and now it's given you genital herpes? Or what? I'm trying to understand this..sorry I just saw red reading this. EDIT: Okay I re read now that I've stopped the smoke flaming from my ears. Okay I think I understand now, seriously let's go roll this mother. Okay sorry, too much madea movies. Edited October 5, 2009 by hoping2heal
Author kimflute26 Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 Lol your reply made me laugh... thanks for that. But yeah, I guess not everyone knows this... but you can get genital herpes from someone who has a cold sore (who gives you oral sex). The only "good" news for me is that since I got the herpes from his mouth instead of his genitals, my outbreaks are less severe than the most typical kind of genital herpes (genital to genital). But... I still get outbreaks and it still SUCKS! Also... Here's an excerpt from one article I read with the technical mumbo-jumbo: "Usually, genital herpes is caused by infection with herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2), and studies suggest that in some countries, up to one in five people are infected with this virus. Genital herpes can also be caused by HSV-1, the virus which more usually causes facial herpes, including cold sores on the lips."
JenniferxO Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Hey, Kimflute. Same thing happened to me. I was actually diagnosed september 1st, with hsv1 genital. Its so hard to deal with, especially since we are now broken up. I am 20 aswell. It is quite common, two of my friends have it. But there still in there relationships. =/
Author kimflute26 Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 So angry about this today. I have an active breakout at the moment..... it's very hard to deal. I'm trying to be friends with the ex but I'm still unsure as to whether I can handle that with this still going on. Even though I know he wasn't trying to hurt me, there's something that really sucks about knowing that his mistake has caused me this problem that I'll live with for life. He'll go off and meet some other girl (eventually), get married, have kids, whatever.... and I'll try to do the same, except that I'll always have this stupid herpes coming with me on the journey! Gaaaaaaaaah so ... annoying
clv0116 Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 A lot of people have herpes, it's a very successful virus. Many are asymptomatic after the first little bit. I don't think I have it but if I did, I wouldn't be too worried over it, I think. Good luck.
doublescorpio Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 So angry about this today. I have an active breakout at the moment..... He'll go off and meet some other girl (eventually), get married, have kids, whatever.... and I'll try to do the same, except that I'll always have this stupid herpes coming with me on the journey! Gaaaaaaaaah so ... annoying I too have the same problem, I contracted genital herpes from my current boyfriend of 6 years, he didn't have an active cold sore but he must have been shedding. It really doesn't seem fair at all, does it? Guess what though- your ex will probably give all the other girls he is with herpes as well. Even if thy have type 1 on their face, they might still get it down there... not that I am wishing it on a stranger. But don't think he is off the hook, he isn't! As for you, yeah a crappy stigma exists with having it below the belt but the stigma doesn't exist with it on the face. This makes telling future mates about it really hard for you. The best thing you could do though, is maybe on the second or third date, have a 'reveal all' date where you just bluntly tell the guy you received it from oral sex, the symptoms are not severe but you want to put it out there in case he is really squeamish about that sort of thing. Some guys may run and fast, but other guys if they like you a lot so far may stick around. Its a tough situation and it really sucks. PS: menstruation really brings out the outbreaks- if you can be on a form of birth control that prevents menstruation or keeps it down to a few times a year you will probably see a huge difference.
Amelia14 Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Have you seen your doctor for this? There are meds you can take to make outbreaks less severe. (Some people take them all the time to try to prevent outbreaks but its not usually prescribed that way). Yes, herpes is forever... but at this point, there is nothing you can do about that and you have to look toward the future. Whomever said outbreaks are less severe after the initial outbreak was correct. In fact, some people have a few and never have them again. Also, try to relax and find other things to focus on... the more stressed you are, the more likely you are to depress your immune system and make yourself more vulnerable to an outbreak. In addition, you now have the power of education that he either didnt have or chose to ignore when you started dating. You owe it to your future partners to TELL THEM and to use protection EVERY time (even if you arent having an outbreak because, while the possibility of shedding the virus during that time is lower, the highest risk for virus transmission is RIGHT BEFORE an outbreak... i.e. you may not know your are about to have one and you can perpetuate the cycle if you have unprotected sex). Yes, it sucks and its something you'll have to live with but you can make the choice to do it the right way and not put the same stress and lifetime burden on someone else that you care about. Amelia RN
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