luvflower Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 hello all. i'm a newbie and have been seeing NC(no contact...i think) in the forums...so i think i understand what it means and the purpose, but is there any way to fastforward the process or get through it easier? broke up with ex about 2 months ago and he's still contacting me after i've told him that he didn't need to. he still tries to come and see me and i have allowed him to. when i bring up the fact that we're not together and other issues that caused me to break up with him, he some\times tries to cut me off because he doesn't want to hear it. so he says things like "i don't want to talk about that" or "why do you have to be so negative and have that mentality"...?what? or "ok,ok,ok.i love you.call me when you get home(wake up, get to work,etc.)"...i never do it...he calls more in spite of the reasons i broke up with him, i still want to know that he's thinking of me.so when he calls it's a boost for my ego(am i bad for that?), but it only causes a cycle that makes it more difficult to get past him. i have tried NO CONTACT for about a 7 day max.then we resumed communication after i finally answered one of his numerous calls and textes.have been in contact since about a week ago now. i want to not need to hear from him...does this mean that i'm codependent?
hoping2heal Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Well, I don't know about co depedent or not, however you do sound very dependant nonetheless on this man for your sense of worth and happiness. A partner should enrich what we already have, they shouldn't be the sole source. It's very detrimental both to ourselves and our relationships when we project a misguided belief that another person is responsible for our happiness. Yes, a break up hurts. It feels lonely and you will feel very sad until you move on and have healed, that is natural. However keeping this man in your life when you want the relationship to be over, but not sticking to your own boundaries because you think you will stop breathing, and the earth will stop spinning, is a false belief you've built up in your thinking. You just keep reinforcing that belief and making it more "Real to you" by having no self control to draw your line in the sand and stick to these boundries of NC.
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