TwinkletOes26 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Ok ive heard ppl say they dont spank unless the kid does something dangerous like stick a fork in the light socket or run into the street. My issue is why not place overs over the outlets or hold the kid tight so they dont run into the street? Kids dont come out of the womb knowing not to do these things. Im sorry if it sounds like ranting but my cousin made me so mad today. We were at my grandmas house eating lunch and my cousins kid who is 2 or 3 was going over to the light socket and getting ready to stick her barbie dolls hand into one of the holes. I caught her and moved her away and gave her something else to do(what i learned to do in my child psychology courses lol). My cousin grabs her by her arm points to the outlet and slaps her on her butt and says "no no NO!" hits her again. Now this seems a bit extreme to me. In my opinon if its anyone who needs a swat its my cousin. She wasnt watching her kid AGAIN if she had been watching her she wouldnt have gotten close to the socket. Ive seen this happen with parents and kids running into the street. Ill see parents talking to other adults and their kids run off into the street and the parent finally gets them and swats them on the behind. I mean the kid is a toddler you have to watch them like a hawk. Ive heard some people excuse this with "you cant watch them all the time" but i mean yes you can and should they are a child its your duty. Now b4 anyone says anything no i am not a parent. I dont want to have to watch anyone but me which is why i dont have kids lol. I know parenting is a tough job but ive seen people whod rather spank than buy electric outlet covers or hold their kids hand tightly. I know things happen but swatting a child for being a child is a little extreme to me. So if someone can help me to understand id reazlly appreciate it yes i know ive is spelled wrong b4 the grammar police come in lol
silverfish Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I don't really agree with spanking myself, but I also don't agree with being overprotective. Kids have to learn to look after themselves at some point and wrapping them in cotton wool doesn't help much. I never had stairgates for my kids...they learnt to be careful on stairs and never fell down once. You can't watch them all the time, you have to give them freedom and also teach them to look out for themselves, hopefully without too many accidents along the way.
Author TwinkletOes26 Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 but can you expect a toddler to think "i shouldnt run into the street bc i might get hit by a car" or "i shouldnt stick things into an outlet"?...they sale stair gates to keep kids from falling down the stairs? LOL i thought they were to keep them from roaming freely about the house. i know it may seem like im judging parents im not my cousin is just well this woman refused to take her kids to the dr when clearing they were having trouble using the bathroom properly. They are always constipated. The dr told her not to breast feed bc her milk was contanimated she gave her babies her tainted milk anyways. Now she has been caught more than once taking her children into a KNOWN drug dealers house...ppl like that make me mad. Im starting to think that they should make ppl take test to have kids:mad:... Is it true that spanking is looked down upon a LOT in england? I think i had a professor say that in a parenting class once....
silverfish Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Well I think it's illegal over here or something, but people do it still. I did it a few times when my kids were younger, but it was more of a tap on the hand or knee for touching something or doing something after being repeatedly told not to. I don't agree with putting a child over your knee or anything like that, but most kids get it after a few warnings. it's like with dogs, if your kid like mine goes up to every dog it sees and shouts in its face, one day it's going to get barked at or worse. But sometimes the only way they learn that is by experiencing it for themselves...that's why the phrase 'I told you so' was invented by mothers I think some people do use the stair gates like kiddy prisons though! I never thought of that one
ReturnToSender Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) If you do decide to become a parent, you will find that theory is pretty far from realism. No, its not possible at all to watch a kids every single move...they move FAST!!! Plus they are resourceful lil critters...curiosity will get the best of them every time! Anyway, the role of a parent is not to completely protect them from the world, its to teach them to grow up within the world they are in so they learn to take care of themselves, and being sure to protect them during this learning process. Things are going to happen...that how kids learn. While keeping the on a short leash will ensure their safety, it teaches them nothing. Now, I dont agree with going nuts on a kid when they do something wrong or harmful. The only thing that teaches is..dont get caught. They may make the right choices..but not because its the right thing to do..only cause theyll make mom/dad mad if they do otherwise. what happens then when mom or dad isnt there to get mad? The wrong message is being instilled there... Id explain everything to my daughter even before she could talk. Pretty much everyone told me I was doing too much discussion and not enough disciplining.. But Im happy I did what I did...because kiddo has grown to know theres a real reason behind what I will and wont allow her to do, or why or why not something is wrong...beyond a mere 'cause mom will get mad and hit me' and on the same note...when she is out of my sight (it has to happen eventually...you cant watch them forever!) she will be able to make better choices for herself whether or not Im standing right there. And thats the whole point afterall...to release fully self functioning adults...someone who is sheltered and protected and their every move is watched like a hawk has a hard time doing that and ends up being that person who "should be old enough to know better" Edited October 5, 2009 by ReturnToSender
Peaceful Guy Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 In my opinon if its anyone who needs a swat its my cousin. i know it can be frustrating to see another adult being hotheaded or losing their temper with a child but try not to be judgmental. everyone loses their cool with kids and many times people only see part of the situation. it may look like a parent is flying off the handle for what seems like nothing but if you'd seen the way the child was behaving all day their reaction might seem more appropriate. different adults will have different approaches to raising and disciplining children. most approaches have their merits and problems. over time ive come to see these differences as a good thing rather than a problem. children will learn different things from different adults and no one way of raising kids is the only correct way. maybe your cousin was in the wrong.. and quite possibly she was embarrassed that she was not watching her child more closely and you saw.. just something to think about. i think many times when parents over react with their kids, especially in public or when other people are around, its part show to cover the genuine hurt they feel from a child misbehaving. children have a knack for looking innocent but really knowing better! my suggestion would be to do what you think is right, and at the same time recognize that there is good to what other people will choose to do with their kids. ultimately, caring adults are on the same side and are trying to do what they think is best for the child. sorry for being long winded but this was a lesson i had to learn by being both the judge and the judged, both of which are no fun! about spanking in particular.. from my parents - use sparingly, and only with young kids (toddlers i would assume, ive never had to do it myself).. its the idea of being disciplined more than the pain that results from it that affects the child to think about what they've done
Kenyth Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 (edited) With younger toddler and pre-school kids, I don't think spanking is necessary. It doesn't accomplish any more than scolding, explaining, or time-outs. Danger is one of the first concepts learned, so if a child is too young to understand danger, they are too young to understand repercussions for their actions in general. Spanking and other negative reinforcement discipline are not really effective for kids under the age of two. A well cared for and adjusted child doesn't need spanking. They listen to their parent because they trust them and are not afraid of them. Children like this are made by constant loving effort, not born. That said, I don't think spanking should be ruled out for really bad behavior when they are older since scolding and time-outs have little effect at those ages. It should be the exception rather than the rule and never abused. Still, other methods, such as loss of priviledges and rewards, are more effective. Coercive force is one of the worst motivating factors. It has a quick initial result, but it doesn't last since it does not instill self discipline. Read a book on child development. The ages at which certain skills and reasoning capabilities emerge may surprise you. Edited October 6, 2009 by Kenyth
Peaceful Guy Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 what Kenyth said sounds really resonable. i can't actually think of an appropriate age for spanking. however, i do remember being really bad (i remember my attitude, the way that i felt, and my approach to others) when i was little, and my parents spanking me.. it helped set boundaries for me. it was not a frequent occurrence and i know they really hated it.. but it helped. i do not plan on spanking my kids if i have some but i will try to keep an open mind about other people's choice to. i think this is interesting so i'm going to start a new thread: so, what, if any, is the appropriate age to spank a child?
Author TwinkletOes26 Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 With younger toddler and pre-school kids, I don't think spanking is necessary. It doesn't accomplish any more than scolding, explaining, or time-outs. Danger is one of the first concepts learned, so if a child is too young to understand danger, they are too young to understand repercussions for their actions in general. Spanking and other negative reinforcement discipline are not really effective for kids under the age of two. A well cared for and adjusted child doesn't need spanking. They listen to their parent because they trust them and are not afraid of them. Children like this are made by constant loving effort, not born. That said, I don't think spanking should be ruled out for really bad behavior when they are older since scolding and time-outs have little effect at those ages. It should be the exception rather than the rule and never abused. Still, other methods, such as loss of priviledges and rewards, are more effective. Coercive force is one of the worst motivating factors. It has a quick initial result, but it doesn't last since it does not instill self discipline. Read a book on child development. The ages at which certain skills and reasoning capabilities emerge may surprise you. i took several child development courses(was a psychology major) thats part of why i was shocked at her wacking the crap out of her kid. During that age they are exploring and they are going to do things like that bc they are little and dont know danger like u said. you are right her wacking her kid will work short term but not long term. I suppose part of why it makes me so mad is bc spanking is the ONLY punishment she uses. She never talks to her kid unless its to yell or spank her. Shes shown up to daycare with welps on her. Its so bad that shes left THREE different day cares bc they have threatened to call the police on her for child abuse. No one says or does anything about it. I have thought about calling defax myself but didnt bc i dont have a full picture of what is going on....but i see all the signs of child abuse :(
Peaceful Guy Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 I have thought about calling defax myself but didnt bc i dont have a full picture of what is going on....but i see all the signs of child abuse :( you can call child protective services and just ask for more information without revealing details of people involved or the specifics of the situation. i think you should, even if you decide not to do anything. then, perhaps after calling, you could speak with this person before going to the authorities if that's what you think is necessary. i am in no way qualified to professionally comment on this kind of thing.. but my mom and i were discussing this the other day, different circumstances. when i was little there was a neighbor that seemed to be neglectful and gave my mom a weird vibe. she called child protective services to educate herself about the situation. she was glad that she did and i think you would be too. im sorry, i know this must be difficult.
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