TomH Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Hello, I have written a thread about my current situation but I would really like to know what is going through the head of someone breaking up a relationship. How hard is it to do? did you doubt you made the right decison? did you ever reget your decison at all? also even if it wasn't a good break up did you miss the person? Thank you Tom
Ronni_W Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Hi Tom. I'm sorry you're going through this. Yes, after being together ten years, it would be a difficult decision for most anybody. But once the decision has been made, there aren't necessarily too many (serious) doubts...there could be some, though. Regrets, if any, likely wouldn't be felt until much later on. In the early stages of the separation (which could be months and months) there is probably more relief than regret. Relief for having made a decision and perhaps also for having extricated one's self from an unfulfilling (for whatever reason) relationship. Chances are that, after ten years, there probably will be SOME things that she'll miss about you and the marriage-life-lifestyle...and she'll probably also be happy to not have to deal with whatever dynamics and circumstances led her to want the separation/divorce in the first place. Of course, she is the only person who actually knows all her truths and answers to the types of questions you have. Unless you are prepared to ask her, there really is no reason for you to expend your mental energy wondering about it. If you won't be asking her, you could as easily assume-believe the answers that will leave you feeling good about yourself. It won't make any difference to anybody else. Hugs.
bluestraps Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Depends on the situation. Do you know what they are up to . Are they seing someon else? if thats the case was it before you split . If they are seing someone its a rebound relationship and they may not feel much of anything . yet . The longer the relation and the more history i think the more difficult it would be to stay apart there are many situations that may be occouringDo you know whats happening. If they are alone they may suddenly feel like they made a mistake but it would take time to start to reconsider. You need to take into account if you did anything wrong like abusive. or insensitive behaviors. Maybe it was bad habits you have. Or maybe you did nothing wrongIve always found that if you want to fix the relationship you just need to be assertive and not give up . I would'nt contact them 10 times a day, but wait about a week or two. see if they call you, that makes your work eaiser.good luck
Lamak Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Some feel relieved that they're done with the ex, some feel great sorrow, others could really care less. There's too many possible feelings to describe.
conehead Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Some feel relieved that they're done with the ex, some feel great sorrow, others could really care less. There's too many possible feelings to describe. Yup it really depends... Some regret it, some don't
muse08 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 it does depend on the nature of the relationship and situation.however, in the past i have typically had to make a decision to break up with a guy because of me not being happy about the way i was being treated.i would tell him what i didn't agree with and would put up with the issues until i couldn't tolerate them anymore and would be pushed to the point of breaking up with the guy, even when i cared for him. i haven't had a guy to break up with me yet. i have always been the dumper. so immediately after i "dump" i typically feel sad because i was forced to remove myself from someone i cared for. however, i usually get better in the long run. so for me it's sadness that turns into wellness eventually. right now i'm in the midst of a break up and trying to do NC for the 2nd time since yesterday. i feel this empty feeling because i went from talking to him and seeing him regularly to ignoring his calls and not talking to him or seeing him. he knew the issues that existed but acted as if they would work themselves out and i felt like he just refused to try to change. either way, i've often told him that i no longer wanted him to change since i had to bring it up.he could continue to "do him" and i would just have to do me since nothing changed. so basically i feel i made the right decision to let him go, i jst feel a bit empty right now.
Angel1111 Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 Yes, they almost always miss something about the person because they were part of their day-to-day life. They also msis the relationship the way it was when it was good but have given up hope. They also usually feel very disappointed that the relationship didn't work out because their dreams were shattered just as much as the other person's. They may also feel relief if they spent a lot of time working on the relationship, or trying to get the other person change certain behaviors but got no results. I always felt this way because I never broke up with anyone that I didn't give a chance to first. If they had that chance to change and didn't, but acted wounded and hounded me after the break-up, I would lose all respect for them. They had no reason to be surprised about the break-up. If they just leave without explanation, I'm sure they would feel a lot of guilt but, for whatever reason, they were strongly motivated to leave.
bluestraps Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 The other person must want to change their attitude /actions for sure. Some people just give up too easily. I think if you love somebody you need to be realistic about their faults.
harmfulsweetz Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Guilt for hurting the other person, uncertainty, pain for the loss of a relationship. Generally they feel a lot of the same emotions that the dumpee experiences, it's just that it's their choice to feel such. But sometimes feeling the pain of a break up, is better than feeling the pain of the relationship, if you know what I mean? I agree people do give up easy, but sometimes, the decision to break up isn't easy, rarely is it ever easy. If something isn't working for you, you shouldn't stay in it. Yes, if it is fixable i.e. he goes out too much you could always attempt to fix that, but there are things which aren't fixable. Damage has been done and so forth. Or to change behaviours, attitudes which was fundamental to that relationship working, could well be to change the person themselves. Some things won't change. Breaking up with someone should never be taken lightly, it will cause a flurry of emotions, pain, confusion, unless it's definitely not going to work, don't do it. Work on it. It's a quite a misconception to think the person that ends the R is the person who feels nothing for it. Course they do, they will cry, they will get angry, they will feel all the pain, and the guilt, they'll want to contact you at times either with guilt or with genuine concern. Don't be under the impression that the dumpers get off lightly, yes lighter than the dumpee, (who often end up confused etc although there are signs nearly always) but they still hurt, and need support.
lsb Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Guilt for hurting the other person, uncertainty, pain for the loss of a relationship. Generally they feel a lot of the same emotions that the dumpee experiences, it's just that it's their choice to feel such. But sometimes feeling the pain of a break up, is better than feeling the pain of the relationship, if you know what I mean? I agree people do give up easy, but sometimes, the decision to break up isn't easy, rarely is it ever easy. If something isn't working for you, you shouldn't stay in it. Yes, if it is fixable i.e. he goes out too much you could always attempt to fix that, but there are things which aren't fixable. Damage has been done and so forth. Or to change behaviours, attitudes which was fundamental to that relationship working, could well be to change the person themselves. Some things won't change. Breaking up with someone should never be taken lightly, it will cause a flurry of emotions, pain, confusion, unless it's definitely not going to work, don't do it. Work on it. It's a quite a misconception to think the person that ends the R is the person who feels nothing for it. Course they do, they will cry, they will get angry, they will feel all the pain, and the guilt, they'll want to contact you at times either with guilt or with genuine concern. Don't be under the impression that the dumpers get off lightly, yes lighter than the dumpee, (who often end up confused etc although there are signs nearly always) but they still hurt, and need support. This was extremely well written. You just described how I've been feeling these past couple months. Thank you for this post.
GrayClouds Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 In my EX case they was "eeling" someone else's private parts:sick:
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It's been my experience that "relief" is what was felt.. Later on maybe some remorse for what could've been and some sadness.. but all in all when I have broken it off it was because the relationship had gotten toxic and removing a toxic relationship out of my life had always felt uplifting and good..
alphamale Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 It's been my experience that "relief" is what was felt.... i usually think "thank god i'm rid of her, dodged another bullet..."
tryagaintoday Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 In my EX case they was "eeling" someone else's private parts:sick: *chuckle* Good one!
NopeNah Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 I just ended it last night and for me it is a feeling of relief. I don't have to worry about her wants,needs,hangups,ect..any longer.
costablanca Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 assuming good person = feelings...........bad person = no feelings good person dumper over it / good person dumpee over it = relief, some pain / relief, some pain good person dumper over it / good person dumpee wanting more = relief, some pain, pity / no hope, lots of pain good person dumper not over it but wanting to be / good person dumpee wanting more = some relief, pain, some pity / false hope, some hope, lots of pain good person dumper not over it but wanting to be / good person dumpee not over it but wanting to be = relief, some pain, / relief, some pain good person dumper not over it with replacement / good person dumpee wanting more = temporary relief, temporary no pain, eventual crash, second thoughts / some hope, lots of pain good person dumper over it with replacment/ good person dumpee wanting more = happiness, pity. / no hope, unbearable pain bad person dumper over it / good person dumpee over it = nothing / relief, some pain bad person dumper over it/ good person dumpee wanting more = nothing / no hope, lots of pain bad person dumper not over it but wanting to be / good person dumpee wanting more = who cares ass hole / stupid hopes, lots of pain bad person dumper not over it, with replacement / good person dumpee wanting more = who cares ass hole / stupid hopes, lots of pain bad person dumper over it with replacement / good person dumpee wanting more = nothing / no hope, unbearable pain just passing time on, cant think of anymore LOL
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