novack Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I met my ex gf 1/2 way through my first year of college two years ago. Before i met her i never really had a serious gf, i've had sex with plenty of girls but never had a meaningful relationship. My Ex never really had anything she was a virgin. We dated for the a little under two years, experienced a lot of good times and some bad ones (not too many). We both underwent 2 summers without seeing each other and have both met each other's parents numerous times. When i returned to college this year early for frosh, i had an amazing three days with her before frosh started (i didnt spend as much time as i usually do just bc there was alot of errands to be had). We both did seperate froshes and both had plenty of guys/girls throw themselves at us. A couple of ****ed things happened during frosh On the 2nd night her friend called me telling me that my gf was so drunk she was being taken home. I went over to check up on her within the next ten and when i got there she was stumbling down the stairs (black out drunk). There was a guy in her bed, they hadn't done anything it was an awkward situation. The next day we both had frosh again at the same beach club we fought a little and there was tension, but we both got drunk and when we got home we had sex. She got far to drunk that night and was hungover the next day. She was acting very strange during that day and half, and she calls me over to tell me she needs a break to figure things out. Her reasoning was that she needed to see if she could be independent of me and stand on her own two feet. I accepted the situation and tried a week break. We were both at an open pub and it wasn't that big, there was this guy talking to her for an hour and they were dancing, i so drunk couldn't handle it left utterly destroyed. I called her the next day a day early to figure it out, told her how i felt but it was clear to me that she wanted it over so we broke up. I have tried no contact, very unsuccesfully. small texts every now and then and a couple of conversations. i have seen her three times 1. was middle of sept, at a party we talked in a room yelling a little bit at each other eventually making out, i left before it could turn into more 2. Saw her this last thursday at a party (month after we broke up) she was very depressed and i wasn't so nice to her (not mean just not the way i normally am with her. When she left gave her a kiss on the cheek and she started to cry and ran out I have slept with a couple of girls since we broke up in an attempt to make me feel better , didn't work. I think she knows this though. Last night i was coming home from the bar at 3AM, and i saw her taking the guy from the open bar a month earlier home with her. My legs literally collapsed on seeing her with him again and was seriously upset. I am not upset that she slept with him or w/e cause she needs to figure out her life, as do i. I am more upset that i think we both have feelings for each other yet we are doing this to each other. I told her last time we spoke that i wouldn't call her and i havn't but that she should call me if she want, she hasn't. I know i have to get over her, but its so difficult because we both love each other still.... just looking for insight what you guys think thanks
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 (edited) People who love each other don't act like that. You guys aren't in love, you're in infatuation and you're confused about the feelings surrounding that. I'm not trying to dismiss your feelings or put you down, just being real with you. You both need a good chunk of time apart to let the chemicals in your brain settle. You may think there is love between you, but that's not what it is. You are both inexperienced in how a solid, long term relationship works, so it's natural for you to assume what you're going through is love- but that's not what it is. What you're in is called a toxic relationship, something you need to detox from. Maybe when the two of you do some growing up something may come of it, but for now I'd let it go and try to get over the stew of emotions you're feeling. Think of it as rehab if you must. Edited October 4, 2009 by UrKillinMeSmalls
Author novack Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 Really toxic!!! Maybe your right about infatuation and that the love we felt for each other is gone. We did date for almost two years and they were amazing i know we at least DID truly love each other. But never was our relationship toxic, maybe now it is, never while dating... What's my game plan... i understand i need to move on but easier said then done
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Well you want to create space between you and her. Space that she knows is not ok to invade. You know more about your situation than me, what you described doesn't sound like love, but I'll take your word for it. Even so though, the relationship has turned toxic, it may not have always been. You have to think of it as letting the dust settle after a chain of storms. Get space between you two, that's really all that's required. The less communication during, the better. If it takes months, then it takes months, but you need to be at the point where your almost indifferent to wether or not you end up with her. That may take a while.
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