jshaw Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Long story short: my friend of 6 years was broken up with by her boyfriend of 7 years four months ago. Since then we've been hanging out a lot and talking for hours everyday. We've always been really close but now we've become a lot closer. We usually hang out alone and more times than not there's playful touching, horsing around, and general closeness. She's been very upset over the break-up and I've been there for her for support because that's what friends do. She now considers me her best friend, whereas before her best friend was her boyfriend. She's told me she's always happy when she's around me, she loves hanging out with me and she misses it when we don't talk for much of the day. Last night she was upset because she went to a party where there were a lot of couples. We talked from midnight to about 3am. I was trying to cheer her up and it seemed to be working. Out of nowhere she says her mom thinks she shouldn't spend so much time with me because she doesn't want her to give me the wrong idea and that she's using me. The thing is she's not looking for a relationship right now, obviously. because her heart is still broken. I feel bad because I do have feelings for her, and will wait until she's ready to hear them, but now I'm really confused. I don't know what "giving me the wrong idea" means in terms of a potential relationship. I think it's just that she's not looking for a relationship right now, but I'm worried that it could be nothing will ever happen between us.
EcstasyX6 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 My opinion is that you didn't hear the part of the conversation with her mother where she says that she's not into you like that, and what you heard was her mother's answer. Have you been waiting all this time, hoping that she'll break up with her bf?
Lucky_One Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 My son is of an age where he is starting to go to parties and on dates. I have told him that he can always use me as an excuse - "Aw, man, my mom would kill me if I drank that!" or "I promised my mom I would never smoke, because my granddad has emphysema" or something like that, if pressure got too bad. I think your friend has the same idea. She is telling you something, but you are not listening. She knows you are interested in her romantically, and she is not interested in you in that way, and so she is giving you a made-up conversation with her mom so that you get the information she wants you to have, without having to point-blank say "I am not interested in you romantically, but you have been great to keep me from being lonely for these few months."
Author jshaw Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) Thanks for the replies. I'm not discounting that those could be definite possibilities. The thing I forgot to mention that may be important is after she told me what her mom said she said her mom was nuts and she didn't know why she'd say those things. She said her mom lectured her about it which leads me to believe my friend didn't bring up the situation in the first place, and the only reason she told me was because she thought it was so ridiculous. If she was going to tell me there was never going to be anything between us, she'd tell me without being sneaky about it. Her mom knows her daughter isn't ready for a relationship and doesn't want me to get the wrong idea about why we're spending so much time together. I thing I always forget is that she's not ready. I remember how her and her ex used to be and how much she loved him and realize alright, 4 months is not enough time to get over that. Then I feel like an ass because I'm putting my feelings before hers when her healing is the most important thing. And no I wasn't waiting the whole time for them to breakup. I was genuinely upset when they broke up. She never talked to me about him and I only met the guy once or twice, but I knew how much she loved him. I never wished or hoped they would break up because I was happy for her. I'm pretty confident but I'm very quiet so it's hard for people to get to know me. I had a couple girls I was interested in but they didn't work out. Edited October 5, 2009 by jshaw
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