Im unhappy because i don't love him anymore or he cant satisfy me sexually?

[Station Air]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years now. We started off as a one night stand, but eventually got carried on...because of great sex lives, and how we clicked mentally. We did everything together, enjoyed each other company. etc. The problem now is we started to have less and less sex..now its probably once or twice a month, which i have to initiate it first. We had many talks about this, serious and open too. So, we managed to get through till now.

 

Though, the problem has come back again and again and i feel too tired to initiate anything. If he doesn't do it then fine im not going to do anything either. I give up dressing sexily to seduce him but his friends, as a matter of fact, i give up thinking about having sex with him at all. IF it happens, wow im so lucky. if you know what i mean.

 

Now i feel sad all the time. i often think about escaping away, to the seas and just be there alone. It will rejuvenate my soul. but i cant because of family and job. So i end up with a 9 - 5 office life. My boyfriend does not seem to have any problems at all. he doesnt even think we have a problem. As far as he's concerned we are fine and growing strong. he says that he doesnt really need sex anymore because he feels comfortable with our relationship very much that his love for me is entirely based on mentality level.

 

He doesnt cheat, he doesnt go out party (which he was like a man whore before he met me) he doesnt care about any girls. he just does men things with his colleagues i.e. play football, checking out new bicycles, etc.

 

I tried walked away from him a month ago but as you could guess, i had nowhere else to go, so i came back. I dont know how i can fix this problem because he doesnt even think we have problems. we are great....in his opinion, even if the passionate sex little exists. but he thinks its normal for a long relationship.

 

Now im sitting here feeling so bored of him. I dont know if i love him anymore, or if i ever do. Maybe i have fooled myself love with lust all the time. The whole thing about us exists based on sex....must be. Otherwise, why is it become this big of a problem for me.

 

Am i obsessed with sex? Do i like him for how he is or i like him because of sex?

btw, he doesnt even let me touch or play with his thing. He brushes my hand off and sed he doesnt want to get aroused...?!?

Edited October 4, 2009 by Station Air

[Brady_to_Moss]

How old are the two of you? I find it hard that a guy only wants sex 1-2 times a month..thats how much i want in a day. Could he be cheating?

[Station Air]

Im 25 and he is 29.

[Station Air]

No. Not at all. He's a cool party type guy.

 

He smokes and drinks 4-5 times a week. He got sick real easily until recently that he started to play football again. He even mentioned sports refresh him and for a little while, sex occured more than what it used to be. however now, its back to the same again.

 

I went swimming naked and nothing even happend.

 

Seriously guys, can this possbily happen to a real man who says he loves me and is very comfortable with me??

[JGenuine225]

From personal experience the first thing that struck me after reading your post is the level of comfortness. Once a guy gets too comfortable with his GF the sex drive will always be there but it's harder to reach it. It's like you know you can have sex whenever you want and how u want..so it's not something you look forward too anymore you just let it happend. It's great that you guys have a strong mental relationship you just have to remain calm and let things fall into place... as long as he's not getting attention somewhere else. As a man, it's a great feeling knowing that your partner is always willing to satisfy you but we have a tendency of getting to comfortable and just putting our partner on the sideline untill were ready. If he's worth keeping, just sit tight, keep yourelf busy and enjoy other traits/qualities that attracted you to him

[Station Air]

Sit tight until when? until he feels like it? and meanwhile my sex drive and loneliness probably drives me nuts?

 

 

Last night i confronted him, and told him that i accidentally found 2 draft messages in his phone, he was going to send to this girl at his office. It read, "Oh...don't dare me" and "the first room on the right, rite? I cant wait to kiss you."

 

Honestly, i think i know my men so i don't belive it. So i just asked him nicely, he sed it right out with no hesitation that its really him sending with an instant explanation that it was that time he sent home this girl (which he occasionally does, and i know most of his colleages) and he called to ask if she got home safely, and she just got outta the shower so he was joking around with her.

 

I sed i believed him that nothing happened. cuz he alwasy does this kinda thing to my friend, his friends.. Now come to think about it, i dont wanna know if anything ever happened. What hurts me though is those words he sed. "Cant wait to kiss you..." kept echoing my head over and over.

 

Then, he sed "**** sorry i was just joking around. i didnt know. im sorry and just went quiet. I told him hes so selfish.

 

This morning he msged me saying he wants me to not ever leave him and hes sorry. I haven't replied his call or msg yet because im not in a mood to.

[Station Air]

Is this something a typical man out there who loves his gf so much would do?

 

Is there such thing as so comfortable he takes it for granted?

 

Any man out there tell me, honestly, from a man perspective, will he change ? should i stay or go?

[armaxx8]

you wanted a "mans" perspective...here u go.....

 

i kinda went thru some thinking/emotional changes around 29, I noticed alot of my friends did the same around that age....that is surely one thing...his sex drive might be changing as well

 

the part about the other girl does not make sense, in my eyes, he is interested in this other girl and a guy doesnt "play" around and say, he wants to kiss another girl unless he really wants to! this is how it is...sorry = (

 

if u should leave him, maybe not..u should really talk with him first if you love him and tell him that he is not "stepping it up" and satisfying his woman. maybe tell him ur going to get a toy or something, see what he says...if he doesnt like what u have to say and says its over, then so be it, u were thinking about it anyways and he just made it easier for u.

 

I do know what u mean, I have a younger gf (23) I am 34...this same situation happened to me, not cuz I was interested in other girls, but mainly due to she has a strong sex drive and mine is not what it used to be...I started working out/training in martials arts now and I am in the greatest shape of my life...now I can "give it" to her the way she wants and as many times as she wants...all this has made my sexual drive just go crazy..I listened to her, noticed her body language and made a conscious effort to satisfy her..cuz I sure dont want anybody else to do it I just make sure I "wear her out" and foreplay and oral is a must!

 

anyhow....I do it cuz I truly love and care for her and "want" to make her happy, we are very honest and open with each other.... if he really wants to make u happy and "truly" loves you, he will try his hardest and be willing to work on these things for you.....we all change as we grow older,,you will to.....period! These changes will not happen over night but you should notice if he is making an effort...if not, there is a guy out there for you...who will mak e that effort...there is such thing as a "soul mate" believe me I have found mind and she has found hers...u will truly know when u have a very special relationship with another person.

 

oh, we also have been interested in 3sums...we had our first in july and that has really hepled our sex lives...her & me...maybe u might want to think about that...its not for everybody tho

Edited October 9, 2009 by armaxx8

[TogetherForever]

The op's partner may be "asexual".

[GrayClouds]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years now. We started off as a one night stand, but eventually got carried on...because of great sex lives, and how we clicked mentally. We did everything together, enjoyed each other company. etc. The problem now is we started to have less and less sex..now its probably once or twice a month, which i have to initiate it first. We had many talks about this, serious and open too. So, we managed to get through till now.

 

Though, the problem has come back again and again and i feel too tired to initiate anything. If he doesn't do it then fine im not going to do anything either. I give up dressing sexily to seduce him but his friends, as a matter of fact, i give up thinking about having sex with him at all. IF it happens, wow im so lucky. if you know what i mean.

 

Now i feel sad all the time. i often think about escaping away, to the seas and just be there alone. It will rejuvenate my soul. but i cant because of family and job. So i end up with a 9 - 5 office life. My boyfriend does not seem to have any problems at all. he doesnt even think we have a problem. As far as he's concerned we are fine and growing strong. he says that he doesnt really need sex anymore because he feels comfortable with our relationship very much that his love for me is entirely based on mentality level.

 

He doesnt cheat, he doesnt go out party (which he was like a man whore before he met me) he doesnt care about any girls. he just does men things with his colleagues i.e. play football, checking out new bicycles, etc.

 

I tried walked away from him a month ago but as you could guess, i had nowhere else to go, so i came back. I dont know how i can fix this problem because he doesnt even think we have problems. we are great....in his opinion, even if the passionate sex little exists. but he thinks its normal for a long relationship.

 

Now im sitting here feeling so bored of him. I dont know if i love him anymore, or if i ever do. Maybe i have fooled myself love with lust all the time. The whole thing about us exists based on sex....must be. Otherwise, why is it become this big of a problem for me.

 

Am i obsessed with sex? Do i like him for how he is or i like him because of sex?

btw, he doesnt even let me touch or play with his thing. He brushes my hand off and sed he doesnt want to get aroused...?!?

 

 

I think it is important that you ask yourself is it really about the relationship/sex or are you just bored with life and focusing on that issue to jsutify your feelings. I would suggest you find some other interests in your life that challenges you and peruse them. New hobbies that you always wanted to try, a book group, cooking classes, join a gym anything but focus on yourself.

 

Often what will happen not only do you start feeling better about yourself and your life (which makes you more attractive), you being less available to him the more the old flame heats up.