goatboytone Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Hey guys, first of all let me say how much I feel for all of you going through a bad time right now. I've been with my girlfriend for just over a year, recently things haven't been going too well, it started I think, because of my jealousy and paranoia over her with other guys. Even though I knew she loved me some part of me would be adamant that she would end up leaving me or cheating on me. I think this is not only because of experiencing this in past relationships, but also because of her past too. She has had 4 times the amount of sexual partners than me and in her previous relationship of 8 years (which was horribly destructive) she had many affairs. When we first got together it was in secret because of her violent ex. All these things added up in making me insecure, which is horrible because she has always told me everything about her past even if it was hard for me to hear. Also she has always said that she loved me totally, wanted my kids etc. So she went away on a dream holiday for 2 weeks before which things had been difficult and strained between us because of my insecurity and her unwillingness to be around that after suffering it for 8years with her ex. When she came back she told me that although she still loved me she was unsure over whether she still wanted to be in a relationship, she said she felt she needed to be selfish and focus on herself. I spoke to her and managed to make her see that it was just that I needed to change and stop making her feel negative. We had a bit of space and then agreed to give it another go. Things were going well, she said that although she still thought that she had gotten into this relationship too soon after her previous one that she loved me too much to leave me. Anyway, I she told me a few nights ago that she plans to start spending a lot more time with one of her very attractive male friends who has recently split up with his girlfriend, she said he had been round and they were alone together in her room, and that he was coming back another night to do her hair and also give her a tatoo. I felt so jealous and although I don't think I was too bad, I questioned her about it and asked whether she would be jealous if the situation was reversed. There was a feeling of negativity between us. Then just a couple of nights ago I was with her late at night night and she kept getting these calls which she was ignoring, when I asked her why she wouldn't answer, she told me it was some one she owed money to. She was quiet for a little while then admitted it was an ex boyfriend who she had got back in contact with and who had been trying to hook up with her in a friendship way, although people who know this guy say he is sly and not to be trusted. I got upset AGAIN and we had this whole drawn out conversation about it and there was jealousy rearing it's ugly head AGAIN! Now instead of having a nice day today like we planned, she is going to see her Mother who is having some problems. I asked if I could see her for an hour before she went and she said no. My imagination is killing me thinking that she may be with one of these other guys and not her mother, or that I'm pushing her away again. I've texted her today to see how she is and she's not replying to me, that just feeds my paranoia. Please I need some advice, how do I stop this? I love her very much, she is a good woman to me in so many ways, but some of the stuff she says and does make me so jealous. I really don't want to lose her. She is my sunshine. I'm sorry for the length of this post. I hope somebody can help me. Thank you.
lostsunsets Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 She is a serial cheater. Get away from her. You have every right to be jealous. I think she actually enjoys the drama. 1
Author goatboytone Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 I understand you saying that, but she only cheated ion her past boyfriend because he cheated on her many times first, whereas I would never cheat on her and treat her good, apart from where my insecurity is involved. She also was completely truthful with me and told me about things she has never told anyone else. I really do feel like she loves me and things could be great between us if I could only overcome my jealousy.
Bejita463 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 The story as you tell it makes it sound like she is cheating on you, and is manipulating you into feeling bad about suspecting it. I think if you stopped making excuses for her and stopped feeling guilty, you'd see things differently.
Author goatboytone Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 I honestly don't think she has cheated on me. I think she loves me, but feels pushed away and untrusted by my behaviour. I appreciate what you're saying though. I love this woman so much and want to improve myself for her, she is a good woman. I was unemployed for almost a year, but with her inspiration and motivation I've ended up getting a really good job. I don't think she is a bad person. I love her, but feel totally lost. Keep thinking about suicide, though I don't think I've got the courage to do it thoughts of this nature keep popping into my head because I always seem to lose the women I love somehow and all I want is this woman to be mine through thick and thin like I would be for her. When we first got together she had a cancer scare which thankfully turned out to be just a scare, but I told her right away that no matter what happened I was going to be right by her side throughout it. I see my jealousy as an illness so why wont she do the same for me and be there for me?
Stroon Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I honestly don't think she has cheated on me. I think she loves me, but feels pushed away and untrusted by my behaviour. I appreciate what you're saying though. I love this woman so much and want to improve myself for her, she is a good woman. I was unemployed for almost a year, but with her inspiration and motivation I've ended up getting a really good job. I don't think she is a bad person. I love her, but feel totally lost. Keep thinking about suicide, though I don't think I've got the courage to do it thoughts of this nature keep popping into my head because I always seem to lose the women I love somehow and all I want is this woman to be mine through thick and thin like I would be for her. When we first got together she had a cancer scare which thankfully turned out to be just a scare, but I told her right away that no matter what happened I was going to be right by her side throughout it. I see my jealousy as an illness so why wont she do the same for me and be there for me? the problem is, there is no way to prove you are faithfull, only ways to prove a person has been unfaithfull, so its like a 'guilty until proved innocent' scenario, which is hurtfull if you are on the receiving end of the mistrust. to be brutally honest, i did leave someone because of this type of thing. it didnt matter how many times i assured him (and i was completely faithfull) it just didnt make any difference, and I thought, 'if he's not listening to me and believing me, why keep bloody bringing it up? its not like i can even defend myself' you can see how tiring this becomes. If you truely believe she is faithfull, you HAVE to find a way to not bring it up. as her assurances are not helping you, whats the point in asking for them? accusing a person of infidelity can sometimes become a self-fulfilling profecy, so be careful you dont drive her away. Trust your own instincts, and go with them. if in your heart you believe her, then put everything you have into trusting her. Without trust any relationship is very very difficult.
Recommended Posts