gordon_gc Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 well, after a few weeks of not really knowing (or not accepting) what was supposed to happen, my girl and i finally broke up. Broke up because of the religion and the different background. I'm feeling so sad we are going past something that could have turned wonderful (and challenging). Tomorrow is my birthday, I have all my friends around me cheering me up and still, I'm feeling so sad, so down she is not around. I'm having so much trouble coping with the whole situation. I know I should keep in mind we had a great time and this is what i should remember this but still. I don't know how to cope with this. :-(
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 What was the difference between your backgrounds? And also why was it so impossible to make work? In my opinion and perhaps its slight ignorance and naivity, because I cannnot relate to that specific situation, relationships have all kinds of roadblocks and challenges, some more so difficult to navigate than others but nothing IMPOSSIBLE. As I said it may be naive and ignorant of me, but I think even with different backrounds relationships can work. A prime example I know is a man who in his distant family history had a Nazi who ended up marrying and having children with a Jew. Essentially they had the trauma of trying to reconcile the pain of what had happenend on a mass scale to not blaming each other on an independent one. As I said - I think ALL relationships have their challenges but that they can all be worked upon. Some just take more heart and courage than others. It will always be difficult to sort out religious differences for instance because that is something deeply personal to the believer, but as I don't believe in enforcing religion on a child, simply teaching, I would teach future children yours and hers religion, and also the other options, and let them reach their natural decisions. Of course I can understand why this may not be easy or preferable, i'd just like to understand the backdrop to your situation. Otherwise, if you are truly over......it really doesn't matter if its Christmas, your birthday, the most perfect day in the world - pain will hit where it hits. I spent my birthday in tears and so I did something properly for it nearly a month on. Let yourself hurt but keep going.
Author gordon_gc Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 Basically, I'm Jewish, She is Muslim (from Malaysia). I was thinking the same thing as you. Everything is possible if love is here but most of the time, we tend to think with our western way of seeing things. Their cultures is way different and family and environment place a tremendous amount of pressure so she fits into the criteria she should be following. She is not ready to go throught this and I cannot force her to do so because her being isolated from her family would be selfish from me. And she also realises forcing me to convert so the parents would accept me is a selfish thing to do (even tho I'm willing to). Only problem in that scenario is that she doesnt want to carry the responsibility of my conversion and i cannot force her to. Basically, we (or should i say 'she' because she is probably more rational in regards to the situation) decided to break it off before it got even more complex. It's just hard for me accept we could have lived so many more great moments but i think it's even harder to accept that even though i tried everything (or considered every possible options), i still couldn't find a solution.
Bobby2010 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Happy Birthday! My ex didn't email or anything (Sept 28). Nothing. After 3 years, notta. Mind blowing stuff, how people are. Enjoy what you can, take care.
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I'm so sorry. Thats such a hard situation. Love knows no bounds, its a shame us humans put so many limitations on things. All you can do is know you gave your best and keep moving on, keep focusing on the future. Live for this moment.
Author gordon_gc Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 Bobby > Thanks a lot. Sorry to hear your ex didn't even contacted you for your birthday. To be honest, I still hope she will. Nikki > As you said, I gave my best. At time, I had my flaws but I'm just a human being and can't be perfect. I'm happy I was a good bf. I'm sure she'll realise and know this and the only thing i can do now is move on and hope for the best for ME and for her.
Exit Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 Ah, gotta love religion coming between love and acceptance, it's a bit too ironic. Sorry that you're going through this but sounds like you have a good support system of friends so enjoy your birthday!
Author gordon_gc Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 Ah, gotta love religion coming between love and acceptance, it's a bit too ironic. It is Ironic...a bit too much to my taste but oh well, that's life i guess. Hopefully, the best we can do is move forward, build a family and teach our kids the concepts of tolerance and acceptance.
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