Broseph Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Well not sure if people know my story but I am absolutely shattered right now. OK bottom line is I got dumped by my gf of 4 years for the reason that she needed time and all that jazz and I believed it. Look at my previous posts I wrote that I know she didn't cheat on me or want anything else... well wrong!!! Way fkn wrong. Of course there is another dude. I have talked to her a few times since our breakup and know when I look back it is all bull****. The lead up and reasons for the breakup bull****. OK I am not perfect but anyone of my friends I treat with utmost respect, this is especially the case for my best friend. Lying about cheating is worst than just cheating and shows no respect not that cheaters should get any respect. My relationship before this I got cheated on by my fiance but let me tell you the difference now between the two. My Fiance was honest enough to tell me there was someone else, it hurt and I never wanted to talk to her again but that was her. She was honest and she felt she owed me the truth. Well new GF hasnt given this to me and when someone lies to you it makes you rethink everything else. It sucks 4 years of good memories with someone and now I think its all sham. I do want to message her and tell her that I Know that she sucks and she can kiss my ass goodbye, she can rot in hell, and she pretends to be so nice but I hope her dishonesty keeps her up at night forever. I know this is all useless. I mean seriouslly I have been doing so much better this last 2 weeks... I occasionally log on here but I like some of the people here and I like to help them out. I want people to lean on me and vise versa and at first alot of people here were sincers and helped. It just sucks the two meaningful relationships of my life, both 4 years, ended by getting cheated on. The difference now is that 5 years ago I thought nothing could be worse... well try the same situation but this time the person flat out lies to your face. I think I am normal what did I do to deserve this? I know no one else can answer this but I keep asking if there is something about me that puts me in this spot? I dont want this relationship back people thats not why I am here!! I just dont want to lose faith in women. I mean alot of my friends married great people, and I get the short end. I want this and want to be with just one person which doesnt seem like its too much to ask. I just hate feeling this way, i dont want to lose faith, I dont want to lose any trust in the next girl i get with whenver and if ever that happens. Im in a terrible place right now!!!!
GrayClouds Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 sorry man people can just suck/ Love for them is jsut a game to be played and won and move on for new excitement.
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Yeah I know that too, I didnt want to loose faith in the opposite sex either but i had to face reality and realize that I can no longer be naive to the ways of the world. bad stuff will happen to you. Good people can and often will hurt you. You must do everything in your power to protect yourself. It's gonna take time but it can happen where you change for the better. I wouldnt talk to the ex if I was you, if she calls tell her: the new boyfriend is all you need, dont bother me. and hang up abruptly I'm sure she'll get the message. Sooner or later she will call you, as they all do.
Bobby2010 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 So you confronted her about cheating and she lied flat out? If so she is a piece of garbage coward. I was confronting my ex for months KNOWING something was off, she just kept lying until it was convenient to break up with me. Like you said, of course it was another guy.
Dream Brother Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 So you confronted her about cheating and she lied flat out? If so she is a piece of garbage coward. I was confronting my ex for months KNOWING something was off, she just kept lying until it was convenient to break up with me. Like you said, of course it was another guy. I got that too in last few weeks before she broke up with me - I kept asking what was wrong as I sensed something was bothering her - 'nothing I'm fine' but I was sure something was not right so kept asking and she got very angry with me for asking and made me feel guilty for asking! Then she broke up with me and moved on with another guy. Can't win with these people. I'm talking about a relationship that went on for more than 4 years here too.. unbelievable.
Bobby2010 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I got that too in last few weeks before she broke up with me - I kept asking what was wrong as I sensed something was bothering her - 'nothing I'm fine' but I was sure something was not right so kept asking and she got very angry with me for asking and made me feel guilty for asking! Then she broke up with me and moved on with another guy. Can't win with these people. I'm talking about a relationship that went on for more than 4 years here too.. unbelievable. Did she start finding (BS) faults in you when you demanded an explanation? Things she didn't mind in the past?
Dream Brother Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 We talked briefly the day after on IM and she said another guy - we're too different, moving on. She moved out when I was at work and that was the last I heard from her 2 months ago. Doesn't want to talk, nothing.
Bobby2010 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 We talked briefly the day after on IM and she said another guy - we're too different, moving on. She moved out when I was at work and that was the last I heard from her 2 months ago. Doesn't want to talk, nothing. Jesus. Mine decided to move out when I took a trip home. We lived in Japan together, shes Japanese. Everything was "fine", "Work is too stressful", "We're just co-workers" I'm not even a jealous guy, but I'm not stupid. And yeah, I'm pretty much non existent to her at this point. Mind blowing, after what we had.
Bobby2010 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 My ex was doing this... The only thing I can think of is for whatever reason she had to make herself feel good about the decision... Even if it meant lieing to herself. Eventually the lies became reality Did you blame yourself after it ended because of what she said?
MrFun Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I just hate feeling this way, i dont want to lose faith, I dont want to lose any trust in the next girl i get with whenver and if ever that happens. Im in a terrible place right now!!!! Then why did YOU cheat on her? Why did YOU live with her for four years and lie to her? Why did YOU cheat on her when you know it had happened to her before? Didn't you realise how badly YOU treated her for being such a cheat??? Oh, wait, she cheated on you? Then why are you torturing yourself for being sucker-punched? She's the one that has to live with it. You put your cards on the table and she cheated at the whole game. You walked the walked, she just pretended. The burden is *on her* only. Once you realise this, you'll be rocking and rolling again. You know, you can look yourself in the mirror...
Bobby2010 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Then why did YOU cheat on her? Why did YOU live with her for four years and lie to her? Why did YOU cheat on her when you know it had happened to her before? Didn't you realise how badly YOU treated her for being such a cheat??? Oh, wait, she cheated on you? Then why are you torturing yourself for being sucker-punched? She's the one that has to live with it. You put your cards on the table and she cheated at the whole game. You walked the walked, she just pretended. The burden is *on her* only. Once you realise this, you'll be rocking and rolling again. You know, you can look yourself in the mirror... Easier said that done man. You are right for sure, but when you trust someone with every ounce of feeling you have and that person betrays you, damn....
contax Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Well not sure if people know my story but I am absolutely shattered right now. OK bottom line is I got dumped by my gf of 4 years for the reason that she needed time and all that jazz and I believed it. Look at my previous posts I wrote that I know she didn't cheat on me or want anything else... well wrong!!! Way fkn wrong. Of course there is another dude. I have talked to her a few times since our breakup and know when I look back it is all bull****. The lead up and reasons for the breakup bull****. OK I am not perfect but anyone of my friends I treat with utmost respect, this is especially the case for my best friend. Lying about cheating is worst than just cheating and shows no respect not that cheaters should get any respect. My relationship before this I got cheated on by my fiance but let me tell you the difference now between the two. My Fiance was honest enough to tell me there was someone else, it hurt and I never wanted to talk to her again but that was her. She was honest and she felt she owed me the truth. Well new GF hasnt given this to me and when someone lies to you it makes you rethink everything else. It sucks 4 years of good memories with someone and now I think its all sham. I do want to message her and tell her that I Know that she sucks and she can kiss my ass goodbye, she can rot in hell, and she pretends to be so nice but I hope her dishonesty keeps her up at night forever. I know this is all useless. I mean seriouslly I have been doing so much better this last 2 weeks... I occasionally log on here but I like some of the people here and I like to help them out. I want people to lean on me and vise versa and at first alot of people here were sincers and helped. It just sucks the two meaningful relationships of my life, both 4 years, ended by getting cheated on. The difference now is that 5 years ago I thought nothing could be worse... well try the same situation but this time the person flat out lies to your face. I think I am normal what did I do to deserve this? I know no one else can answer this but I keep asking if there is something about me that puts me in this spot? I dont want this relationship back people thats not why I am here!! I just dont want to lose faith in women. I mean alot of my friends married great people, and I get the short end. I want this and want to be with just one person which doesnt seem like its too much to ask. I just hate feeling this way, i dont want to lose faith, I dont want to lose any trust in the next girl i get with whenver and if ever that happens. Im in a terrible place right now!!!! I applaud you for in the end saying that you do not want to lose faith and trust. That takes alot of courage especially that it happened twice. You seem like an intelligent and great person. If anything I would say try your best to stay out of the victim mentality. Most of the world runs that way. People blame parents, this that. I take my responsibility and make my choices...even out of an upbringing where people act like victims....I see you are not a victim though and I see alot of courage in you.....both of those girls are garbage and you deserve way better!!!
Phedre Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 So the vast majority of us here despise cheats and liars and know we would never put someone through that, we would end our relationship long before we ever even talked to someone new in a romantic way. All of us want to maintain our faith in the opposite sex.. even though having the person you had put up on a shelf as 'better' than the rest (I am assuming since you are dating/married to them you think they stand out of the crowd) so when they cheat and lie and crush you beneath their boothill while happily marching out of your life it crumbles the foundation not only of that relationship, but all relationships, current and future tense you have with the opposite sex. I mean if the person you thought was better than all the rest could do this to you, then so can all the others. Right now, I highly doubt the ability of males to be monogomous, faithful, or honest.. well I guess I doubt it more of humans in general, but since I'm not trying to hook up with the ladies the men bear the full brunt of my opinon. But I am sure there are many of you guys who would argue with me that it isn't the men you have to wonder about, but the women. My point is, there are men and women in the forum... so clearly it isn't a GENDER based problem, it is a PERSON based problem. So thank goodness we aren't with those crappy people anymore.. no we can find a more like minded person
Exit Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 IF you can manage to keep your head up and keep on going, I'm sure you are headed for better days and better people. Just play the odds, sometimes you meet someone good and sometimes you meet someone bad, well two times now you've had a woman who left for someone else, I'd say you've had your fair share of misfortune and something good is heading your way, as long as you don't give up now. That's the only positive spin I can put on what happened to me. I loved my ex to death and wanted to marry her, but being left by her made me learn so much about myself and relationships in general. Now I think she wasn't meant to be the love of my life, but she was meant to prepare me for when I DO meet the woman I am supposed to be with.
MrFun Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Easier said that done man. You are right for sure, but when you trust someone with every ounce of feeling you have and that person betrays you, damn.... I know, man. It's easier said than done, but still, a man has got to do what a man has got to do. Full stop.
395x Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 It is a risk we take and even the best can fall. All we can do is set boundaries, be very careful who we date/marry, and hold up our part of the deal. People in general take what's good for granted. The right path is never going to be easy. I don't need someone to complete me, but the right person can definitely fulfill me. I was married for fifteen years and my x told me (once divorced) I guess I was not meant to be a father or husband. Nice, couldn't have come to that conclusion a little sooner. So count your blessings.
Author Broseph Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) @ exit- thanks man and I have followed you on here and its great to see your moving on.... even if good people outnumber bad 2/3 then I like my odds @ mr fun - totally know what your saying but like they said totally disappointed @395x - I agree with what u say about date/marry thing and I think this might have been my mistake here, in the end her maturity showed. Anyone else who is single be mindful of this too. Its not that i settled for less than I should have but looking back 4 years ago now, there might have been some warning signs @ contax - your post made me feel so much better and yeah I don't want to be the victim. Similarly, I don't want any ex relationship baggage. I love making the girl i'm with happy, I don't want to worry about these other losers. @ phedre- very well said and yeah its not gender based...I have known a few unfaithful men... but like you ladies are taking my brunt. Shame on you, shame on you all!!! @backontrax - did you cheat on someone and feel guilt? I dont get it? Anyways thanks for the replies, I am not as steamed as I was last night when this came to light but I am still on edge. I want to confront her so there is regret inn her eyes. I hope she wakes up disgusted with herself. I shouldn't care though right? If I move on it makes me stronger than wasting any more time with this girl. We have a car we split, its a good car and before i knew of the lies I was ok with splitting it. Anyways, we thought maybe one of us might leave the country (Australia) so we could sort it out then which seemed fine as a carpool to work but I have to sort this out eh? In the end, It will be constant contact with someone that i despise Edited October 5, 2009 by Broseph
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