pint07 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Alright, me and this girl were together for over two years. We were openly in love. We spent a lot of time with each other (too much probably). Everything was great until this past summer. We couldn't see each other as much as normal just for trivial reasons. When we could see each other, pretty much every time there were other people there. We never had any time to ourselves anymore. Towards the end of summer she expressed to me that she didn't feel how she used to feel for me anymore. She told me that she loved me but she wasnt in love with me anymore. That was hard to take, but we decided to try and fix it, and she said she was in love with me again after a few weeks. So I thought, alright no big deal, things are fine. And they seemed fine for a few weeks more, then she started to seem distant. She broke up with me two weeks ago for the same reason. The day before she blew me off to hang out with a childhood friend of hers (male). She hasn't seem him since then though, so i don't suspect anything. I trust her anyway. We've talked about things since then and she doesn't think anything will fix it, besides just space and some time. What we've decided to do is wait a month or two and try dating again. We never really dated, we just threw ourselves into a relationship, so we thought that might work. Part of the reason was that i depended too much on her, which is true. She helped me through some very rough times in my life, and because of that, i did depend on her more than i should have. But that's something that can and has been fixed by awareness. Since it happened i've given her total and complete space and i've been hanging out with my friends a lot and making new friends. We talked tonight and we said that we missed each other. I don't know what to do now. Should i not talk to her? How long should i wait before i ask her on a date? How can i make the first date not seem like any date we went on while we were in a relationship? I still love her and i still want to be with her. I just don't know what course to take honestly. Should i stay distant for a while? Should i date anyone else between now and then? Help please? (sorry for the length)
Exit Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Just back off and leave it alone. You don't necessarily have to go completely "no contact" with her since you have this arrangement to maybe date in a few months, BUT, at the very least, leave it up to her to make the contact. Let her decide when she wants to talk to you. Don't be bothering her every day, and don't be the one to suggest when to try going on this date. Should you date someone else? Sure, if someone comes along, not like you can force it. If you recognize that you depended on her too much when you were together, then the most effective thing to do is show her that you are okay with giving her some time and space and living separate lives for a while.
adamt Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 just give her all the time and space she needs. in the meantime, get out and enjoy yourself. Don't put your life on hold. if other opportunities come along then so be it. if she sees you are enjoyinhg yourself she might begin to miss you and want you back but dont be expecting it to happen. you also need to think if you dont get back together how you are goign to begin to move on
EricaH329 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I agree with Exit for the most part. I think you should let her decide when to talk and hang out, since afterall... this whole thing is happening because of her. Allow her the space she needs to figure things out. You should realize though that you cannot make someone feel a certain way. You can try as hard as you can to make things seem like the way they were when you both first fell in love, but if it works... it won't last long. The memories of being in love might temporarily make it seem as though you are still in love, but once the memories fade, or you go on about your normal life... that feeling will go away. As far as dating other people goes, you should probably ask yourself honestly whether or not you could handle dating anyone else right now. My guess would be that answer is no. You are still in love with someone else, and not only that, but you are hoping to get back together with her. Dating won't help anything.
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