Lovingnature Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Hello everyone,I have a question about a long distance relationship.I am talking to a person I met online more than 2 years ago.She and I were friends for about 3 months of talking then we decided to become more serious.I was 17 when we started talking and she was 16,things were so great for us we even had plans of eventually seeing each other.Then around a year in a half into talking I noticed her attitude starting to change and she even said we she wanted to part ways but she still called me things like honey and baby so I still stayed around.Then just a few weeks ago she came out told me she has been dating someone for 5 months and lost her virginity to him.She even left her family to be with the guy and then she got her heartbroken because the guy cheated on her.Her family wouldn't take her back so she is staying at another guy's house.I still have deep feelings for her but she told me that she can't feel the same way anymore because she lost her virginity to another person. I asked her does she want to be with me and she told me that she has to get over her ex boyfriend first.She tells me she still has feelings for him but she doesn't want him back nor does she want me.She is broke and basically homeless now,so she asked me to mail her money until she could get a job and her own place.I have only been a few relationships in my entire life and its hard to see myself getting into another relationship with anyone else for a while.I am so bitter because I formed my whole life around her and I love her to death.Should I get over her or should I just stay around and help her.
Island Girl Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Wow. If I found out that a guy had been yanking my chain. Fell in love with someone else and ditched me. Moved in with her and then came looking for a handout from me because it didn't work out -- I would block him. And he'd be shut out of my life. It isn't about how much I cared for him -- or even still cared. It is about the fact that he had no respect for me and wanted someone else NOT me. So he can then move on to someone else while I find someone who loves me and respects me as much as I deserve to be loved and respected. -- So the answer would be - you shouldn't be in contact. She made choices and ALL of those did not include you. The fact that those choices bit her in the behind and now she has to figure her way out is HER problem. If everything was fine with this guy she wouldn't be giving you a thought. She wants something from you so she is pulling your strings. You deserve better. And you won't find better if you stay stuck on someone who discarded you in the first place. I know it may be hard but if you get wrapped back up -- it'll be that much harder. Never allow yourself to be used. You are worth so much more than she has given you.
shame Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 She obviously knows that you still have feelings for her. I got the feeling from all of this that she just needs you to hang around as a friend until she's back on track. I wouldn't put up with that. Like Island Girl said, I would block that person and continue my life without them even if it would hurt. But the thing is, after something like that there is a huge chance that it'll happen again and then you end up hurt anyways and then it might and probably will hurt even more. I get a red flag from her saying that she doesn't have any feelings for you but she still gives you (false) hope by saying that she doesn't want to get together with you before she is over her ex. If she doesn't have any feelings for you, why would she say something like that? In my opinion it's just something to keep you around. Like in the beginning when she clearly stated that she wanted to part ways and still kept on havng cntact with you, even calling you honey etc. There is a pattern here. What makes it even worse is that se actually has the guts to ask you for money? After all of this? No way. I kindly advice you to forget this girl. Someone special will come along and she will treat you the right way from the beginning on.
Lucky_One Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 This is serious disrespect, and I hope you haven't sent her any money. SHE IS LIVING WITH ANOTHER MAN, AFTER DATING ANOTHER GUY FOR 5 MONTHS AND NEVER TELLING YOU. She is only 18, and she is starting off very young on the road of cheating, lying, and using. Red flags all over this one... Block, ignore, and work hard on forgetting.
Author Lovingnature Posted October 7, 2009 Author Posted October 7, 2009 Thank you so much guys,This makes me feel so much better about the whole situation.I was so bitter because I really felt she was perfect for me and I loved her more than life itself. She gave me signs here and there that she wanted to be friends but when I asked her do you want to be a couple she agree and we shared a close bond for a while.I was so down on myself to find out she made love to another guy while she still calling me baby,etc..it makes is so creepy. I noticed she stopped talking to me as much but I never been ignored like that in a relationship but I never puck up on the signs.She always talked to a lot of guys as friends which use to make me jealous in the beginning but I learned how conquer my jealous ways. When I asked her why did she hurt me so bad she told me it wasn't either of our faults which I feel is bologna.I feel she is definitely at fault for most of this situation,because she never really had trust for me.She had a tough childhood and it made it hard for her to trust people,and I feel that is what made our relationship couple. She wants me to stick around as a friend like shame said which I feel is way to much for my heart to handle.I was a few thoughts away from going insane because everything makes me think of her and I wanted to forget her.I feel like as long as I focus on becoming successful and work hard then everything will be fine.What makes it weird is the fact that she helped me become more a deep minded person because I was on the wrong path. I feel she got bored because I changed my whole lifestyle for the better and she didn't feel needed anymore.The guy she lost her virginity to is in jail,never tells her he loves her,and basically just treats her bad. I think she likes being treated bad by the guys she is with because those are the types of guys she socializes with.She called me a few days ago and really didn't feel like answering the phone but for some reason I did. When I picked up the phone we talked for a while,she was just telling me how she is basically homeless because her family won't taker her back anymore after how she left.The guy friend she is living with beats her basically for no reason. The guy she was dating for 5 months is in jail and lies to her about not cheating on her when he did.Obviously I still care about her very much because we had a bond but I am wrong for ignoring any future calls or Im's? I still cry here and there when I think about how she broke my heart because I gave her my all when she was giving her all to someone else.I had to find out she lost her virginity to the guy by him because he stole her phone and told me everything they did.Then she basically had no choice but to tell me because it was already out there. She did really seem sad when she told me that she did,she just told me she did it and that's how it was.One side of me hates her and the other side loves her it's a confusing feeling and I just want to find someone who will love me as much as I love them.
Island Girl Posted October 7, 2009 Posted October 7, 2009 I am wrong for ignoring any future calls or Im's? No. In fact you should block her and remove that kind of contact. If you can block all contact that is even better. You won't begin to heal until you remove contact. Every time she sends a message it will reopen those wounds. I just want to find someone who will love me as much as I love them. Somewhere out there is a woman who will love you the way you love her. And she deserves you as you really should be - a whole person who has healed from all of this and moved on doesn't she? So block contact from this girl (she is a succubus) and get healing so you won't drag these horrible thoughts and feelings into your next relationship.
Author Lovingnature Posted October 17, 2009 Author Posted October 17, 2009 I totally agree with you guys,a few weeks ago I would have found it impossible to move on.She has left me numerous emails,and voicemails telling me how she is doing good and cut of contact with her ex boyfriend of 5 months.She has had a hard life but it gives her no excuse to go out and hurt me the way she did.I figured as much as I want to feel bad for her that it is best for me to leave her alone until she finally matures as a person. She has my heart and she knows it,that's why she keeps on trying to contact me. She would never tell me that she is sad,or depressed but I can tell by her voicemails she is not happy with her life right now.I am not going to reply to her unless she offers me an apology for all her wrong doings,until then she is going to be blocked.It makes me upset that she still to the day has not apologized to me for anything.I hold in the pain but from time to time it gets me upset.what should I do to keep my mind off of her for a while?
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