prettybaby Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Right, I guess my last post was unnecessary, and I apologize. It wasn't meant as a personal attack though, although I realize it comes across that way now that I read it. You simply do not seem to realize that after so many people have written pages full of helpful feedback in all your different threads, you still seem to ignore every single piece of advice that you have been given, and strictly stick to thanking the very few posters on here (you can count them on one hand) who agree you did the right thing. Keep in mind though that those few people most probably did not read any of your past threads and have no idea about the whole background of it all. So their feedback is based on a tiny fraction of a story, and isn't really offering much help or advice at all. Except for maybe a quick pat on the shoulder, which of course never hurts the ego. We're all human, after all. The fact remains though that your approach towards dating could really use some tweaks and improvements. I'm sure that most of us here - including myself for sure - would love to see some more introspection on your part. With a true to desire to improve and move forward, which would hopefully result in a thread you'd post in the Marriage & Life Partnerships section one day. However, you have shown zero desire to grow from this forum and the input we provide every day. So I apologize if sometimes the tone of my posts may show a little frustration. I do realize it's not that big of a deal, and after all, it is your life and of course you are free to live it as you please. At the end of the day, it doesn't affect me in any way. I do hope you will meet the one some day. And I also hope you will not bump into the same issues and mistakes once you do.
Author writergal Posted October 16, 2009 Author Posted October 16, 2009 Prettybaby: Yes. You're last post was un-necessary. So why do you do that to me? Do you think that helps me see your point of view? You may not realize it, but words yield power online just as in real life. The worse you treat me here, the less likely I am to listen to anything you have to say. Can you not see that? Can you allow yourself to give up the need to be right all the time? That is my impression of your posts in my threads. If I disagree with you, you come back at me with sarcastic rants that I've told you hurt my feelings. Yet you continue doing it, as evident in every thread of mine where you've posted your opinions. No one has affected me more negatively, than you have here. You simply do not seem to realize that after so many people have written pages full of helpful feedback in all your different threads, you still seem to ignore every single piece of advice that you have been given, and strictly stick to thanking the very few posters on here (you can count them on one hand) who agree you did the right thing. Keep in mind though that those few people most probably did not read any of your past threads and have no idea about the whole background of it all. So their feedback is based on a tiny fraction of a story, and isn't really offering much help or advice at all. I will have to disagree with your perception that I ignore all of the advice I've been given here. Because trust me, I haven't ignored it. I don't agree with everyone nor do I have to. Do I ignore your advice? At this point, yes, I do. You're so mean to me, I just don't listen to you anymore. Any credibility you may have had with me in the beginning, has been lost now because of how disrespectful you've been to me here. If I see your name on a thread I post, I cringe, because I know I'm going to open the thread, and see nothing but scathing remarks from you about how I'm just stupid or not listening to what anyone says here. If you don't think your words have an impact how people feel, then you're not paying attention. There is a person behind my username who has feelings just like you do. There have been times, where I've read your mean remarks which made me cry. Do I agree with everyone's feedback? No. Do I have to? No. And I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion, which is why forums were created in the first place. Everyone deserves to be heard, even if tempers flare and arguments ensue. You have a low opinion of me. That is clear. There are a few posters here whose opinions matter to me, whom I always listen to and trust because of how they treat me with respect here. Not because they always agree with me. They don't. But they don't attack me the way I feel you have consistently. However, you have shown zero desire to grow from this forum and the input we provide every day. Do you speak for everyone on LS? Does everyone agree with you in your negative perception of me? Who are you to judge me? I think at this point, you have two choices: be more respectful towards me even if you disagree, and hold back on the sarcastic commentary, or put me on your ignore list. I'm done with this thread now. I've said everything I needed to say.
prettybaby Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Prettybaby: If I see your name on a thread I post, I cringe, because I know I'm going to open the thread, and see nothing but scathing remarks from you about how I'm just stupid or not listening to what anyone says here. If you don't think your words have an impact how people feel, then you're not paying attention. There is a person behind my username who has feelings just like you do. There have been times, where I've read your mean remarks which made me cry. I wasn't going to comment any further, but this one part here requires a response on my part. None of my posts were vicious or mean. I'm very sorry if I hit a nerve in my analysis, but my posts were definitely not mean attacks against you. I just read them again, and they were genuine feedback, backed up by facts you have posted yourself here in the past. I have actually shown sympathy to you, which you apparently overlooked and decided to focus on whichever parts it was you were considering personal attacks, when they definitely weren't. Again, Writergal, it is the way you take things so personally and blow them out of proportions that puts you in a painful position. I can definitely see a pattern with your analysis and perception of real life situations here. People aren't as negative toward you as you perceive them to be. There was a lot of sympathy in my posts, with genuine advice. And I'm baffled that you took them all in such a bad, and wrong way. That being said, I will leave it at that and will comment no further. So you are free to claim that I'm the meanest person on this board even though I'm most definitely not. I will refrain from posting any more feedback in your future threads, since I see that when someone calls you out on points that need improvement, it turns into unnecessary drama. Just like it does in real life.
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Yes, prettybaby is an authority on relationships around here. Lets wait until her BF starts having hots for a 15 year old and offer her some constructive advice
prettybaby Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Yes, prettybaby is an authority on relationships around here. Lets wait until her BF starts having hots for a 15 year old and offer her some constructive advice not gonna happen, but thanks.
leap83 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 Writergal, I write this message not to sound mean or harsh but to point out some of the things you should be able to change to make it easier for you to handle rejection as well as find a decent guy. I was like you a couple of years ago - same personality traits and as you write I see my old self in your posts, so I hope you take my advice and think hard about it. You ARE demanding. This is the new age. The new dating scence is VERY laid back. What do I mean? Well, when you start dating someone, they're just another person in your life - like a friend (especially if you met them online because really, you don't even know the person). So you meet a guy online and he asks you out. Now, when this happens, don't think of it as a date. Think of it this way: I met a new friend in class and I want to know him better so we're going out for a drink. Literally. Even though you'd probably know your friend from class better than this guy (saw him in person before). So you go on this so-called date and you listen to everything he has to say NOT revealing too much about yourself - keep it mysterious and for him to find out. Answer questions but keep them short. Act interested though. Now, this is the "get to know him better" phase and it is where YOU need to get to know him better. So, instead of thinking you're in a relationship (because you technically aren't and you're both testing the waters), you should pretend as though this guy is your new friend. As soon as you do that, you won't worry about the lack of phone calls, e-mails, texts, etc. Why? Because friends don't call you all the time (unless they're special) - maybe once a week (right?) So, he's a friend and he's allowed to call you once a week in these beginning stages. You move on with your life like you've made an awesome friend - you concentrate on your work and other things in life (go out with friends, etc.) If he calls you, or arranges to meet you again, AGAIN pretend as though that is your friend. So don't be scared to say "Oh... I'm so sorry. This day doesn't really work. How about this day at this time? :)" (all of this is said nicely and calmly). Again, to reiterate, he is your NEW FRIEND. Take it like that for about 2.5 - 3 months and if he's still around (don't include sex into this because really you don't have sex with friends) then that means he's staying (as a friend). Then comes the next stage called "building towards a relationship." By now you should have gauged whether he wants to be in a relationship and whether your vale match up. If they don't match up, the earlier you break up the better. If they do, you keep him and you have the exclusivity talk where you both agree that you want to become official. THIS is the stage where he should call you more than once. However, you NEED to keep it light. Guys don't like to be pressured and you know what?! Neither do gals. So, since he's not "pressuring" you, you'll feel more at ease to focus on your career and grad school because not much work needs to be put into the relationship - it's not taking up TOO MUCH of your time. BALANCE. That's the key factor here writergal. I have learned from my mistakes (especially the last one but the guy became a close friend of mine - only recently though) and I have changed my behaviour. This is how I act now and you know what?! It seems to be working. I'm in contact with 2 of my exes right now and both of them are my friends. I'm attracting more men and they like this new me and I like this new me too because I feel more relaxed. If I don't want to go out, I tell them so and instead go to a spa. I live my life they way I want to and men LOVE that. They call it a "breath of fresh air". So, take my advice and try doing what I told you. If not, then you're heading down a very long road of confusion and depression. Trust me. Been there, done that. You don't want to be there. Yes, this guy was mean by some of his remarks but he was honest (maybe too honest). You've got to give him credit for that.
Pink Cupcakes Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Writergal, I don't get how you can "expect" a guy to call you just because you have started dating. If he's not calling, he's not interested, and when he's not calling and contacting you, that's code for "I'm just not that into you, please move on." There's no right or wrong, it's just how it's done. I know you demand that a guy call you up and tell you exactly why he went out with you and decided he wasn't into you after that, but life doesn't work like that. Guys have a right to lose attraction for you without explaining to you why. Sorry, that is life. Please remember this....you are alone.....and it is definitely for a reason. You need to stop being defensive and get to the heart of why men are running for the hills after dating you a short while, time and time again. Sorry if this is too blunt but you need to wake up and smell the coffee.
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