Update and long vent about "skipper"

[writergal]

Yesterday I had quite an eye opening conversation with that guy I only went out on a few dates with, who I posted about here. It was the first real conversation we had since he got back from his trip.

 

We only dated for 2 weeks (saw each other a total of 5 times). Anyway, during the conversation yesterday, he disclosed to me that after he had a heartfelt conversation with his sister about me, he decided that he didn't want to date me. His reasons:

 

*Old ovaries: At 38, I'm too old to have children in his eyes (he's 39) and so therefore not "wife" material for him. (He didn't think I was capable of having children, finishing grad school and getting a career started at 40 successfully b/c I'm starting my life too late. He said he wants to marry a younger woman who is already established in her career, who would have babies and be ok with giving up her career to raise a family.)

 

*Communication: He thinks I'm high maintenance because I expect him this early on to make time in his day to communicate with me when I send him a text/email/make a phone call. (He said he didn't return my texts/emails/phone calls promptly because he isn't that interested in me as a long-term person.)

 

*Personality: While he likes my energy level, he's used to dating more calm, laid back women who don't care if he takes a couple of days to get back to them, who won't make the relationship the center of their world the way he felt I would if he continued to date me. He thinks I would be too distracted by the relationship with him to focus on finishing grad school and getting a job afterward. According to him, I'm way to intense and he's afraid dating me would mean a lot of drama for him, if he didn't meet my needs the way I asked him to. (By the way, why wouldn't you want to meet the person's needs the way they asked you to? I.e. if you say you'll call me at 5 p.m., please call me at 5 p.m., otherwise, don't say you'll call me at a specific time, if you won't call me at that specific time).

 

 

We only talked for an hour before he said he had to go meet some friends, and that he would see me today and we could finish the conversation in person. He said he felt pressured by me to call yesterday when I emailed him, asking him to call me b/c as I wrote in the email "it's important." He said I was too demanding because he thought our conversation could wait until we saw each other in person, and he was irritated that I made him talk about everything over the phone instead before seeing each other.

 

When he made the comment that he didn't think I was wife material b/c in his opinion I was too old to have babies, and too emotional for him to trust that I'd meet his needs, I was shocked because I felt that was a really mean thing to say to me.

 

I agreed to see him today to finish the conversation in person.

 

Well, now I'm more confused than I was before because of what happened after the conversation today, when we saw each other for the first time in 2 weeks practically. When we met, he gave me 2 really expensive gifts he'd bought me during his vacation. Then he kissed me and hugged me, telling me it's better to fight in person because the make-up sex afterwards is fun. (We did NOT have make up sex, because we met in the parking lot of my apt. building, and drove to a nearby art museum where we spent an hour viewing art and then went and had coffee).

 

The whole time we viewed art and had coffee, yesterday's conversation did not come up. I wanted to bring it up but when he didn't, I kept the conversation light and fun, waiting for an opportunity (or to get the courage) to bring up my issues with yesterday's conversation. But he said he had to leave and go help a female friend pack up her house for a few hours, and then asked if I was busy later tonight because he'd like to see me again.

 

He called me a few hours later, and I asked him how the packing went and he said "oh, she's not moving until the end of the month, but I told her I'd help her start the packing process today." I thought that was weird. But anyway. Instead of making plans to see each other, he dumped me over the phone, stating he was disappointed I didn't apologize for my attitude yesterday on the phone, and he called my email "crying wolf" because he said the conversation should have happened in person, not over the phone. He said he didn't see us working out long term for the same reasons as yesterday.

 

So, I asked him "why did you kiss me, give me those presents, and act like everything was fine while we were at the museum?" Who am I to say that the woman he claimed was a friend he was helping pack for 3 hours, wasn't just another date. I have no idea. But, he responded by saying that he thought I was too much drama for him, since he hates his job right now, and he is worried about his father who recently just had surgery to remove a blood clot in his leg. He said he thought I would be more of a drain on him than he needs.

 

Its hard for me not to take his rejection and perspective of me personally. I can't change my personality or who I am or how I want my needs met. And there is nothing wrong with his personality or how he wants to get his emotional needs met. He said he didn't want me to beat myself up, and he added (insult to injury) that he thought I would never have a successful relationship until I learn to be a less intense person.

 

I mean. I agree that I over-react as is my tendancy too, especially when I feel like the other person is neglecting me or I don't have all the information. And I also agree that I do tend to get distracted by my romantic relationships and invest too much too soon, and put pressure on the other person to be at my level. But what I don't agree with is his perception that I will never be able to have a successful relationship, and I certainly don't agree with his opinion that I'm too old to have children at my age, just b/c I'm in grad school and about to start a new career. My brother-in-law's mom gave birth to him when she was 40 and he has 4 older brothers and sisters. Plus, my brother-in-law is a 46 year old father of 3. So it IS possible for me to have my own family, finish grad school and maintain a career while raising a family. People do it all the time.

 

I'm done with online dating. And even if i take time out to figure out how to "fix" my dysfunctional triggers with regards to relationships, I still think he didn't have to be so harsh like I was this total loser woman who will never have a real relationship, according to his standards. Despite my foibles, I am willing to make compromises with the other person, to make them feel comfortable and feel safe etc.,. but he didn't even give me a chance.

[Art_Critic]

he disclosed to me that after he had a heartfelt conversation with his sister about me,

 

This is where I would've stopped listening to him and said WTF ???? where are your balls ?

 

also.. old ovaries..hahahaha

 

The guy is a fuQk twit.. he is also a hurtful person.. who says all that hurtful shiot to a person they like ?

 

Count your blessing that you didn't fall for this total waste of skin..

 

By the way.. my wife was 39 when she had our son, you are not too old..

 

Keep looking.. this guy shouldn't be dating.. and honestly he won't be in the future..

and please don't be friends or keep in contact with this guy..

[OpenBook]

I'm done with online dating. And even if i take time out to figure out how to "fix" my dysfunctional triggers with regards to relationships, I still think he didn't have to be so harsh like I was this total loser woman who will never have a real relationship, according to his standards. Despite my foibles, I am willing to make compromises with the other person, to make them feel comfortable and feel safe etc.,. but he didn't even give me a chance.

 

Whoa Whoa WHOA -- Why are you giving all your power away to this jerkface? Who died and made HIM Stud-King God Over All Women? He doesn't even HAVE standards. Just mind-f*cks. Sheesh.

 

He said he didn't want me to beat myself up, and he added (insult to injury) that he thought I would never have a successful relationship until I learn to be a less intense person.

 

He's a little off. It's more like, "You'll never have a successful relationship until you get away from guys like me."

 

I'm done with online dating.

 

No kidding! Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel...

[WTRanger]

Notice something in the talks with him? It was always you do this, you do that kind of bullspit. Never once did he appear to say anything about how he feels or his actions. He's making it all your fault while he sits on his throne of Judgment. This guy sounds like a total douche, be glad its over. He's pushing all of his insecurities onto you. Making you look bad for his problems or issues.

 

There's a fine line for some people (you and most certainly me) between feeling ignored and taking time to respond. In this day, I don't think it is completely unreasonable to ask someone to respond to a phone call or text within 24 hours. Unless something major is going on, but even then you can send a quick response letting the other person know. I know myself, I tend to flip out (in private or to a trusted friend) when someone I care about doesn't respond. I hate not getting a response. I know it's something I need to learn to deal with. I need to let go some of that control. I can't control if the other person responds, so why should it bother me? But, it does.

 

Just take this as a learning experience. Work on fixing you, then the rest will figure itself out. I know it's hard, I think we share similar personality traits when it comes to communication and responding insecurities. Ain't life grand?

[loveslife]

Writergal, c'mon here, no matter how many new threads you start, the truth will still be that many many people thought the same things this guy told you.

 

Do you remember how you hemmed and hawed over his every move after 2 dates? Do you remember how you sent him angry text messages about not being in touch when he was with his parents and told you he wouldn't be in touch?

 

The "old ovaries" thing is mean but c'mon you were VERY demanding of someone you knew for a very SHORT period of time.

 

According to your own threads, every one of your boyfriends tell you that you become too aggressive, demanding and needy too soon. So, either you are picking the wrong men or maybe you need to consider that they might very well be right??

[writergal]

Thank you Artcritic for your support. I'm happy to hear your wife gave birth to a child at the age of 39.

 

No. I don't plan to maintain contact with him in the future. He gave me musical instruments that his sister brought over from Germany; an African Mbira thumb drum, and a Didgeridoo from Australia that she collects from her travels, as a travel writer.

 

I love those two gifts but am sick to think of what it means if I choose to keep them.

 

Should I donate them to a school? I don't want to throw them away.

 

Thank you Open Book for your support too. This guy did a number on my emotional state of mind, which is already sensitive to begin with. I'm not perfect. But at least I try to fix my problems. I'm sitting here teary-eyed because of my lack of faith in myself. I do have good instincts about men. But I don't follow through with them because of my fear I'll be alone for the rest of my life. So I give off this "desperate" vibe, and cling to men I know aren't the right fit for me, right off the bat, hoping I can fit a round peg into a square hole as it were, with regards to needs, values, and all that important core-building relationship stuff. So, I'm the one whose doing myself the biggest disservice here, by letting guys like "Skipper" have power over me emotionally.

 

I think I self-sabotage because deep down, I do fear that men won't accept me for who I really am. So maybe I choose men whom I know are emotionally unavailable, to validate that self-belief I have that I'm not capable of being successful in a relationship with a man. Deep down I believe that I am not good enough. Even though I know that's not true on the surface.

[hoping2heal]

Thank you Artcritic for your support. I'm happy to hear your wife gave birth to a child at the age of 39.

 

No. I don't plan to maintain contact with him in the future. He gave me musical instruments that his sister brought over from Germany; an African Mbira thumb drum, and a Didgeridoo from Australia that she collects from her travels, as a travel writer.

 

I love those two gifts but am sick to think of what it means if I choose to keep them.

 

Should I donate them to a school? I don't want to throw them away.

 

Thank you Open Book for your support too. This guy did a number on my emotional state of mind, which is already sensitive to begin with. I'm not perfect. But at least I try to fix my problems. I'm sitting here teary-eyed because of my lack of faith in myself. I do have good instincts about men. But I don't follow through with them because of my fear I'll be alone for the rest of my life. So I give off this "desperate" vibe, and cling to men I know aren't the right fit for me, right off the bat, hoping I can fit a round peg into a square hole as it were, with regards to needs, values, and all that important core-building relationship stuff. So, I'm the one whose doing myself the biggest disservice here, by letting guys like "Skipper" have power over me emotionally.

 

I think I self-sabotage because deep down, I do fear that men won't accept me for who I really am. So maybe I choose men whom I know are emotionally unavailable, to validate that self-belief I have that I'm not capable of being successful in a relationship with a man. Deep down I believe that I am not good enough. Even though I know that's not true on the surface.

 

OP, you need to consider your source. Don't ever let people who are spoiled eggs ( like this one) convince you of something negative. Second of all, it sounds like you two slept together..is that so?

[writergal]

WTRanger,

 

I'm SO happy to meet another person here who has the same struggles I do with regards to communication.

 

In my original thread about "Skipper" I started off venting about how weird I thought he may be, but I wanted to give him a chance anyway. Then I went on to complain about how I felt he was neglecting my needs by not responding to my texts/emails/phone calls immediately. Some people view that as demanding too much too soon. But I don't. I believe at any stage of the dating game, if you like someone enough, you don't hesitate to respond to them.

 

Plus, in my original post, I also complained about his lack of communication with me in between our dates, which only confused me more because he came on so strong with me right off the bat, and I went along with it because it felt good, even though I got emotionally attached too quickly, before really getting to know him first, which I now am going to try the next time I (hopefully) get asked out on a date...not let the guy get more than a hug on the 1st date with me.

 

But yes. He DID make it all my fault because he never did tell me how he was feeling aside from, "I really like you" but when I ask him to call me back, he said I was too demanding.

 

I just talked to my sister about this situation. She is way different than me. She said when she and her husband first started dating, she was not bothered by his lack of communication in between their dates. And she didn't mind that he scheduled their dates at the last minute. I'm really different. I prefer dates be scheduled in advance because of my grad school, tutoring, and teaching responsibilities during the week. It is too difficult for me to be last minute with dates, b/c I reserve my free time for my friends first, and dates come second. Plus, I feel more secure if the guy makes a date in advance with me, because then I don't feel like I'm on his short-list of many women to call.

 

You're right. This is a lesson for me to learn from. Especially with regards to communication and responding, and having healthier boundaries and not so many high expectations so early on when dating someone.

[BobSacamento]

Apparently you've been dumped by God's gift, my sympathies.

[writergal]

I did not send him angry text messages "demanding" that he contact me immediately.

 

I was not demanding of him. I am not going to change the way I need to have my needs met, just so you'll like me on here, Loveslife. I am the type of person who likes communication to be reciprocated. And it is totally reasonable to be pissed off by someone who constantly breaks promises with me about when he will get back to me. That does not make me a demanding person. If you tell me you'll call me at 8 p.m. Thursday and I don't hear from you for 2 days, I'm going to be pissed off. If I didn't convey that to your understanding in my other thread about this guy, I can't help it. But that's the way it was.

 

And not everyone who replied to that thread said that I was too demanding. This guy used me. And I let him. He had some player characteristics that I suspected about in the beginning, but ignored for my own insecure reasons. And now I'm upset that he got the last word and was mean on top of it.

 

Hoping2Heal,

 

No. I never slept with him although we did come pretty close to doing that, the night he slept over. But we never went all the way.

Edited October 4, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[writergal]

Your response made me laugh. Thanks! I needed to laugh. I have to say I appreciate your sense of humor in your post here.

Edited October 4, 2009 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[WTRanger]

The hardest part is not realizing that you need to let go of some of the control, but it is actually putting that into action. It's very easy to revert back to your old self.

 

Then I went on to complain about how I felt he was neglecting my needs by not responding to my texts/emails/phone calls immediately. Some people view that as demanding too much too soon. But I don't. I believe at any stage of the dating game, if you like someone enough, you don't hesitate to respond to them.

I'll give someone a full day to respond to text/phone at 2-3 days for email. After that, I write them off. But it still gets to me, deep down to the bone. I take the time to respond or contact, so why can't they? That's what I've got to work on letting go. I never expect instant response. I don't expect my text to be responded to within a few minutes, that's totally unreasonable. But a full 24 hours? Unless the cell towers are down, I don't think that's too much to ask for.

 

Oh and if someone tells me they will call at 8pm, then doesn't call at all, PISSES ME OFF! I feel for you on that one.

 

This issue with communication could be the pivot point for your relationship struggles, as I think it is with mine. It's certainly not an easy fix.

Edited October 4, 2009 by WTRanger

[2sunny]

Its hard for me not to take his rejection and perspective of me personally. I can't change my personality or who I am or how I want my needs met. And there is nothing wrong with his personality or how he wants to get his emotional needs met. He said he didn't want me to beat myself up, and he added (insult to injury) that he thought I would never have a successful relationship until I learn to be a less intense person.

 

don't take it personally. you should actually figure he did you a favor by being honest about not having the same goals in life.

 

you shouldn't reduce yourself to his needs... be yourself. the right will come along and won't need to find anything about you that needs to change.

[writergal]

WTRanger: I know you're right. I do need to let go of some of my control issues.

 

That's what I tried to explain to this guy tonight when he called me and brought up my need for instant responding from him. I tried to explain to him that I was fine if he didn't respond a.s.a.p to my texts/emails/phone calls...but when he simply wouldn't respond, that's what pissed me off, confused me, and hurt my feelings.

 

And I agree with you. It is completely reasonable to give someone 24 hours to respond to an email/text/phone call. But he would tell me "I'll call you tomorrow at 10," and then he wouldn't call! And that pissed me off because he did that the entire time we dated. He would give excuses which is a sign he's not that interested in my feelings, which is what I tried to convey to the other posters in my original thread about the red flags I was seeing pop up with this guy's behavior.

 

And either I didn't explain myself well, or people just think I'm completely closed minded because I didn't agree with their responses.

 

My ex-boyfriend and I rushed into things, and then when we broke up, he said he only said he loved me to make himself feel better. He never complained to me about my need for a lot of communication, because he texted/called/emailed me almost every day which I really enjoyed. But that relationship failed for reasons that he was not in a good headspace after his divorce, and I wanted a long-term commitment from him moreso because we waited 3 weeks to sleep together and ended up seeing each other every day. So it burned out as quickly as it began. But that's very different than what Loveslife posted here about my relationship history that I've posted about in the LS forums.

 

This new guy was my first romantic attempt since my ex-bf. He's different in that he didn't communicate the way I am used to, expect, and like. And I don't think it makes me a needy person, to want to be in contact with the guy I'm dating, on a regular basis. It boils down to a personality thing, in my opinion. As I said, my sister is far more laid back than me, and wasn't bothered when her husband (then her boyfriend), didn't call her every day. I don't need to be called every day. I just want some consistency in communication, and I don't want the guy to break promises all the time, and then blame me or make me feel like I'm over-reacting because I make reasonable requests. I.e. Call me when you say you will. Or, if I text you, please text me back. Don't leave me hanging for a couple of days wondering what happened to you.

 

For example, he broke out in hives the night he called me from the road, driving back to town. I said please call or text me and let me know how you're doing the next day. Well, he didn't follow up with me. So then I left him a voicemail, asking him to call me so I know he's ok. So far, I think I'm still behaving reasonably sane here. He still didn't call me back that night. So then I woke up the next morning, and got an email from him, and he didn't acknowledge my phone call or explain why he didn't respond to me. He simply wrote that he was feeling better and looked forward to seeing me again this weekend. That's when I got irritated, because i felt like he was blowing me off, and emailed me back, "Call me after you get off work. It's important."

 

So this is when our stressful conversation took place yesterday for an hour. That email I sent him, he referred to as "crying wolf" as though I implied in my email, he better call me or else. And why should I apologize to him for wanting him to take me seriously. Because at this point, whenever I called him, even before his trip, he NEVER answered his phone. He RARELY called me back. And when he did call me back, the calls were very late at night, and only lasted about 15 minutes.

 

And when I asked him why he waited until 10:45 pm the day he left for his road trip, to respond to my flirty text, thanking him for a great date the night before when he slept over (no, we did not have sex just fooled around alot), he said he was distracted by his work stuff, and friend stuff, and then supposedly his sister called him to tell him about their dad's blood clot problem. So when I posted in my other thread about his lack of response and how I perceived it as ignoring me, well, all he had to DO was tell me when he called me that night, WHY he didn't respond to my text. But instead, he kept the conversation short: he made it to his parents place, he was tired and he'd call me the next day. But he didn't call me the next day. So I was frustrated! I had no idea of any of this stuff going on with his family or work or friends.

 

Had he told me, I would have backed off. So, his choosing not to fill me in on his life stressors is not my fault. Of course I'm going to misinterpret his lack of response negatively, if I don't have all the information. Does that mean I'm a demanding person if I expect him to explain why he didn't call me back until late that night, for example? I don't think so.

 

But i do agree with you that my communication expectations is a pivotal point in all of my relationship struggles as it varies with each guy I've dated.

[writergal]

Thanks 2Sunny and Open book for your responses. I do appreciate your support!

 

I agree that he did me a favor by being honest with me about how very different our goals in life are.

 

And thank you for reminding me that the right person will come along who won't see a need to change anything about me.

[shadowplay]

WG, I get a strong impression of defensiveness and insecurity from your posts. If a personality trait comes across so strongly online, I wonder what it's like in real life.

 

I don't mean to make you feel bad, but I think you should know why you may be turning men off. It seems like other people have pointed this out to you and you've been kind of dismissive of their input.

[callingyouuu]

WriterGal, if communication is so important to you, I think next time you get the feeling that a relationship partner isn't meeting those needs in a consistent manner, you should be the one dumping him. I think that would save both parties a lot of hassle.

 

The problems that you're having probably wouldn't be nearly as much of a big deal for a lot people, but I think you've kind of made your 24-hour communication limit a dealbreaker. If someone isn't interested enough to meet those needs, you need to abandon ship before he does.

[Pink Cupcakes]

writergal, can you get over getting pissed off over the not calling when the guy says he will?

If you aren't in a serious relationship, you can't really dictate his behavior.

If a guy I was casually dating, as this sounds like it was the very beginning early stages, didn't call, then I wouldn't call him on it.

A guy does what he wants to do.

If he doesn't want to call, he doesn't.

Getting pissed off at him will not help the situation.

The best thing is to just assume he's not that interested and move on, if he doesn't call when he says he will.

That way you don't get so worked up and emotionally invested so soon.

[writergal]

I don't mean to make you feel bad, but I think you should know why you may be turning men off. It seems like other people have pointed this out to you and you've been kind of dismissive of their input.

 

You don't make me feel bad by pointing out that I probably turn men off because of my insecurity and expectations. I probably do.

 

I realize I come across as dismissive of people's input here. But I do listen to what everyone has to say, and take it into account. I always have. If I post a follow-up that has a negative outcome, its not because I didn't take people's advice to heart. It's because the situation, like today's post shows, did not end well despite my efforts. Also, in any relationship situation, I'm not going to take 100% responsibility especially with this guy, either. Its never just one person's fault. Yes. I have my issues. We all know what they are now that I've posted quite a few times here.

 

But I can't control who the guy is I am attracted to, or possibly predict his choices, or behavior. And while the guys personalities may differ the one consistency is me. In my other post, that is the general consensus of all the posters. See? I have been listening. It is my choices, my behavior that is the consistent factor in where I may contribute to my relationships with men not working out. But hey, the men are involved with me too. So, I cant possibly take all the credit for my failed relationships.

 

WriterGal, if communication is so important to you, I think next time you get the feeling that a relationship partner isn't meeting those needs in a consistent manner, you should be the one dumping him. I think that would save both parties a lot of hassle.

 

The problems that you're having probably wouldn't be nearly as much of a big deal for a lot people, but I think you've kind of made your 24-hour communication limit a dealbreaker. If someone isn't interested enough to meet those needs, you need to abandon ship before he does.

 

That's exactly what my sister told me tonight, that I should have dumped him after I felt he probably wouldn't be able to meet my needs. I hesitated because of my lack of faith in myself. I agree. It would have saved he and I both a lot of hassle.

 

I realize my need for communication response within 24 hours seems rigid, and for certain circumstances it may be. But in general, I think that is a fairly decent amount of time to expect to hear back from someone you're dating. And my mistake again, was to hang on longer than I should have, letting him dump me.

[loveslife]

Writergal, I know we've had our differences but my question here is very much trying to help and figure things out for a better way of relating -

 

What do you do with your time? Are you working? In school? Occupied with sports?

 

The reason I ask is because I know, for me, during the times when I've had less to do I've been much more concerned with people returning calls, etc.

 

During the times when I've been busy and fulfilled I'm much less concerned since I'm so busy myself.

 

We do need for the other people in our lives to be respectful but I also think it's important to not be totally focused on expectations. I know you know this. I'm just curious about how you fill your time. It might give some insight.

[writergal]

writergal, can you get over getting pissed off over the not calling when the guy says he will?

 

If you aren't in a serious relationship, you can't really dictate his behavior.

If a guy I was casually dating, as this sounds like it was the very beginning early stages, didn't call, then I wouldn't call him on it.

A guy does what he wants to do.

If he doesn't want to call, he doesn't.

Getting pissed off at him will not help the situation.

The best thing is to just assume he's not that interested and move on, if he doesn't call when he says he will.

That way you don't get so worked up and emotionally invested so soon.

 

I'm not trying to control his behavior by setting a time limit on when he should respond. I certainly don't want to dictate his or anyone else's behavior.

 

Your choice to be more laid back is because that is your choice. You and I are different. I wish I was laid back. But that's not my nature at all. I'm a very uptight person, who is high energy.

 

My getting pissed off at this guy did help the situation. It forced he and I to communicate and get the issues out in the open. I would rather have open communication than just walk away not knowing the "why." Because that's just my nature.

 

Would I like to get to the point where I can just walk away and move on, when I sense disinterest from the guy? Sure. But because that goes against my nature - to just be laid back and walk away - it will be a challenge. The benefit as you pointed out is that it would save me from getting worked up and emotionally invested too soon. But so far, for 38 years, that's how I've operated in all of my relationships and why they have not worked out.

[loveslife]

The benefit as you pointed out is that it would save me from getting worked up and emotionally invested too soon. But so far, for 38 years, that's how I've operated in all of my relationships and why they have not worked out.

 

There's a saying, "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results."

 

Do you have any suggestions for achieving new and better outcomes to your relationships?

 

Remember, it all begins and ends within ourselves. I can say that I like to eat chocolate cake but I also want to stay slim. It's just not gonna happen though.

 

Most people don't change though until the pain of staying the same becomes worse than the pain of changing.

[writergal]

W

ritergal, I know we've had our differences but my question here is very much trying to help and figure things out for a better way of relating -

 

What do you do with your time? Are you working? In school? Occupied with sports?

 

The reason I ask is because I know, for me, during the times when I've had less to do I've been much more concerned with people returning calls, etc.

 

During the times when I've been busy and fulfilled I'm much less concerned since I'm so busy myself.

 

We do need for the other people in our lives to be respectful but I also think it's important to not be totally focused on expectations. I know you know this. I'm just curious about how you fill your time. It might give some insight.

 

I'm busy 5 days a week. 3 of those days are long from 8 am. to 9 p.m. the other 2 days are more for studying, and some socializing. I try to balance my work, graduate school and social life but every week is different. Some weeks are really stressful. And some weeks aren't. Right now I'm extremely stressed out with my course load and tutoring schedule. But I knew that when I chose my courses, that this semester would be an extremely challenging one. But I can't slack off. I have to keep going.

 

So I don't think my concern about his not calling me is related to being bored, with no time on my hands. Although that completely makes sense. I think it has to do with my expectations for communication. If I can return texts/emails/calls promptly, then I don't think its unreasonable to expect a guy I'm dating to do the same. Do I need to be more flexible? Probably.

 

Do I need to learn to walk away and not get emotionally worked up when I realize a guy isn't going to meet my needs the way I want him too? Definitely.

 

This guy wasn't respectful of me at all. I knew that from the beginning. But I hung on too long and went through a lot of un-necessary drama. How does my dating life relate to my graduate school commitments and work schedule exactly?

[loveslife]

Well, I was asking because, like I said, when I'm busy I don't worry about how long it takes for someone to get back to me, etc. Not saying that should be you. It's just me.

 

Okay, well let me ask you this - What do you think you can do differently in the next relationship to get a better result?

[Kamille]

 

I do have good instincts about men. But I don't follow through with them because of my fear I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

 

I have the perfect cure to heal that fear. Get ready: So what?

 

Is it really the worst thing that could happen to you?

 

I'm single. I enjoy my life as it is. Why would I fear what I know and can attest is actually a pretty good deal.

 

Do the same. Being on your own isn't the end of the world. It's even... well.. nice sometimes. Don't you think?