Some1 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I am 20 years old, 21 in feburary, and have never done one thing with a girl. I just dont know what to do about it. I have been depressed for over a year now and I just dont know what I am going to do. Suicidal thoughts come and go, espicially while I am at work. While I was in school I huged a girl once, but have never even kissed. I so increadibally bad about this whole thing that I just dont know how I can continue with my life. At this point I dont even need sex, just some one to love and love me, but I do not believe there is such a thing. I am not going to say I sit a boo hoo about it but it does bring a tear to my eye sometimes.
boogieboy Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 start walking up to women and introducing yourself, and make yourself interesting to them. Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself isnt going to make anything happen. Get out there and make some moves.
loveslife Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I understand how you might feel very alone. Maybe you can do like boogieboy said and just start talking to people. It doesn't even have to be with the intent of affection, just learning what works in terms of communication. Don't despair. You're very young and these things can take time. The good news is you are learning and your eyes are open.
SilverChrome Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Wouldn't it be something if we could sit at home and a partner falls from above on our lap! Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Staying at home and feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to get a girl come to you. No way. I agree with boogieboy, go out and get to know girls. If you're the shy type, try having a bbq with YOUR friends and get them to help you loosen up or get them to invite their girlfriend's friends etc. Loveslife is right too - you're still young. There is plenty of time to get to know girls and what you want in one.
callingyouuu Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 The good news is you are learning and your eyes are open. This really is the most important thing. You know what you want, so go out and get it! Everyone does it his or her own way, and you have to find your own path.
smookie Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 I have recently started to go to the pub with one of my friends here (new to a small town relationship ended after 7.5 years) I had no clue how to meet people or do anything at all. I was scared and freeked out about the whole thing. I went to the pub and was play the machines (VLT'S) and my friend was over talking to a mix of girls and guys. Well befor I knew it was laughing my head off at there conversations and toher people just started to talk to me (I was across the room but could hear them). Go out wit your friends and do not go out with the intension of trying to get a date just to have some fun. It really does help. Oh ya my friend is newer to the town then I am. As well I look after mutli apartment buildings, alot of my tenants go there... I was so blinded when I went out I never even seen them there. Sometimes it is just opening our eye's. As well got a date that led into a second date ... Never know!
Author Some1 Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 I never said I just sit at home and do nothing. I try the best way I know how but it seems to be mission impossible. I dont have enough friends either to help me. I dont feel anything good from anyone, wether it be guy friends or women.
Brady_to_Moss Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) Trust me. Being in a R is not all its cracked up to be. I use to be somewhat like you but then i realized how much happier i was by myself with not having to worry about telling someone what i was doing every second of my life. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be with someone...you have to be comfortbale with being alone and on your own. Never think you need a R to be happy...many people make this mistake and a lot of people end up getting hurt. Edited October 5, 2009 by Brady_to_Moss
Lucky_One Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I thought you didn't just want sex? Why not try joining some meet-up groups, or clubs? Do you like hiking, riding bikes, political discussion groups? Find things like that in your area, and start going. Making yourself new friends or acquaintances is a good first step, and new activities help make you a more interesting and a happier person. If you just want to get laid, put an ad on CL. Tell some woman that you are lonely, shy and a virgin, and that you want to find someone who will teach you. There are hundreds of women out there who have a fantasy of molding a young man into the perfect lover. But, forwarned; just getting laid isn't going to solve your problems of loneliness. Sex for sex's sake is a pretty lonesome experience, when you are back home laying in your bed by yourself.
cognac Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I thought you didn't just want sex? Why not try joining some meet-up groups, or clubs? Do you like hiking, riding bikes, political discussion groups? Find things like that in your area, and start going. Making yourself new friends or acquaintances is a good first step, and new activities help make you a more interesting and a happier person. If you just want to get laid, put an ad on CL. Tell some woman that you are lonely, shy and a virgin, and that you want to find someone who will teach you. There are hundreds of women out there who have a fantasy of molding a young man into the perfect lover. But, forwarned; just getting laid isn't going to solve your problems of loneliness. Sex for sex's sake is a pretty lonesome experience, when you are back home laying in your bed by yourself. DON'T. DO. THIS. The only people who respond to the male ads on craigslist are homosexuals, trannys, and bots, even if you specifically tell them not to.
LB85 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I understand where your coming from, I'm a girl and just turned 21 myself. Although I have kissed a guy it barely makes a difference if there was barely any feeling to it. I have never really been in a relationship and I have only ever liked 2 guys a lot but never got them. So what should I do? Well I had a few days when I reached a point where I was so depressed, felt like no guy could ever like me etc and I have indeed stopped believing in love. I don't think you have stopped believing in since you can still feel hurt about not having love. I am content with my life but these few days obviously healed me faster than I thought. A friend of mine suggested therapy and she says she goes to therapy herself whereas she is doing perfectly fine but she did say there are always things to find out about yourself and that we always need to vent so there is nothing wrong with it. I would suggest you go in hoping to learn to be happy with your situation and learn how to change what you don't like about it. I also have to say that even in today's society, the guy is generally expected to take the initiative so you need to stop being so shy and insecure and just ask a girl to meet up (friendly gesture) and even if you guys don't end up liking each other etc...at least you learn from it and can do better the next time or know what to expect so that you don't freak out when you meet the girl you really do love so much. Believe it or not, I do know a guy or two who are in the same situation as you but they are ok with it. I think maybe you just want that feeling at times but probably don't really want to date? Otherwise I think you might have something thats stopping you from landing in those situations. I know that even though I think guys don't like me, its because I push them away and act aloof most of the time. As much as it sucks to aknowledge, the problem lies with us most of the time; I don't think you should always change it but if you realise something about yourself and don't like it then try changing it (as scary or uncomfortable as it may feel). Also look at the bright side of things, I'm the only single one. Every time its me who is yet single but my friends who have great relationships up until this point are starting to have problems and both partners are only increasing the misery for each other even thought they love each other. It might seem better than your situation but trust me, its not. Being single gives you the freedom to make your own choices without having to think about the other person, it gives you control, time for other activities etc. I am not going to say I don't feel lonely, of course I do...I have never had anyone worry about me or be happy in my happiness, upset in my failures but your young. If thats what you want to find then get out there. Stop upsetting yourself because a girl will subconsciously pick up that your not a happy person and whe you meet someone for the first time, their happiness is what intoxicates you (even if its fake). Your maybe guarding yourself, afraid of rejection?afraid of change?afraid of being hurt?afraid of being let down? I am sure its something along these lines, you need this time of being single to figure out who you are and grow. Because as my friend said to me...growing with the person you love can cause both partners to make so many mistakes and hurt each other a lot. Cheer up and I do believe there is a silver lining ...might no tbe what you expected but things will still turn out to be ok and hopefully everything will be worth it and make sense....
Author Some1 Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 I guess I am just looking for a girl who is a good friend and a F buddy. I definitely am not ready for some one to depend on me yet.
LB85 Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I guess I am just looking for a girl who is a good friend and a F buddy. I definitely am not ready for some one to depend on me yet. well that makes things sooooo much easier. You need to meet a nice girl who has been around. Have fun with her!Its not that hard but if your still a virgin and do believe sex is something special than you might regret it once your done with it (my friend had that and he wishes he waited).
Author Some1 Posted October 5, 2009 Author Posted October 5, 2009 But where to get started. I have on a rare occasion meet some hot and great girls that maybe sorta had some intrest but I didn't act fast enough. Then regreted it later.
LB85 Posted October 9, 2009 Posted October 9, 2009 well learn from it! Since I'm a girl I can tell you that girls loe it if a guy starts with a great joke and dares to be himself completely (of course making a bit of an impression:p). But girls love it when a guy is spontaneous and just walks up to them and asks anything really. It doesn't matter, what you say only matters 10% of the time. However, looking for advice? Hmmm I know its pretty tough but well recently I just randomly hooked up with a guy at a party and we ended up dating each other for the while we could since we were both on holiday. Its all about building chemistry, that spark might be there and we don't notice it but once you notice the other person smiling towards you, you also go closer and its easier from there. I think you shouldn't wait to get into a situation, make it happen. I know easier said than done right? Especially if your inexperienced! I mean for the first time doing this stuff just meet a reasonably doable girl who wont matter as much to you emotionally and then try your luck. You'll be more relaxed if its just a random cute girl then someone who makes you skip a heartbeat. When you see the girl, find a situation and maybe ask the way to some place even if you know. For example, if your at the pool just ask the girl "hey do u by any chance know where the bathroom is'' and smile and if shes abrupt, then just follow what she says and later try talking to her in the pool again by saying hey thanks for helping me out earlier, do u come here a lot.... or something along those lines, you can meet someone anywhere and everywhere. Unfortunately we have to make such an effort to get even close to what we want. Don't worry about being pushy....I mean this isn't being pushy, its being social and if she thinks you so wanna do her just because your talking to her then she must be too full of herself!! Just act cool, as if you talk to everyone but at the same time give her that extra special attention and don't rush the sex part. Let her be comfortable (if she isn't easy) and if she's easy then your task is already done for you:laugh:!
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