Devil Inside Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 We have had plenty of discussion on what kind of posts are not helpful...so I figured it would be a good idea to talk about what has been helpful...and how it has helped. Let's keep it focused on what has been helpful to us as people seeking help...not what has not worked...or discussions that do not involve your personal experience with being helped. Obviously we are all here...so there is a lot of good happening.
OpenBook Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Just reading all the other posts from OWs has helped me immensely. It was a great comfort to know there were many others out there who were in the same boat, struggling with the same issues. It actually helped me avoid another entanglement with a MM IRL! Instead of actually carrying it out, I "lived vicariously" through other OWs' experiences. The MM's weighing in definitely helped me as well. Seeing inside the mind of an MM - without getting involved with anyone or paying any sort of price for it (other than the $24.95/yr LS membership:lmao:) - was invaluable to me. I'm so glad LS was here!! I saved myself SO MUCH pain and heartache... although resisting the MM IRL was heart-wrenching as well. No way to avoid the heart trouble, I guess.
Luckyluss Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Well, for me, its' helpful to read about other people's experiences in general. What is even better is to read about those whose MM eventually got a divorce as they said they would, and ended up being with their AP at some point. I know it exists more than it appears here> Like some members said, happy endings don't often make it to this forum. So for me, no matter what happens in my case, it's useful to learn about those affairs that turned out well for the OW/OM. As I also keep saying, since more than 50% of married people end up divorcing, it;'s hard to believe that almost none were the results of affairs, so I know you're out there, and I want to hear from you!
playlislay Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 In my case, reading about everyones false hopes and 'waves' of emotions has helped me get through a major break up. I love the contrast of views, especially the posts from Caliguy (dude, youre a star in this place!). He always knows how to be the 'tough one', maybe sometimes he is too tough or maybe thats because I dont always agree with what he says It also nice to see how people get effected by cheating. Ok, so its not nice that those people have been cheated on, but the after effects are interesting and always differ. One man started a thread recently for those that are the cheaters. I think the cheaters should have their own section in comparison to those that have been cheated on and those that are involved with the cheater (the MM's OW etc). Due to the fact that everyone feels free to open up here and that there are so many different type of sections/themes to express yourself your views on, I think that this place would be great for psychologists to analyze. Following members and noting what is going through their brain and how quickly their thoughts/mindset change would be amazing! I tend to do this in the 'post here instead of contacting your ex' thread. Man, that thread is amazing! I like to see what other members are experiencing. Some will state that they are over that person, moving on etc. Then a few weeks later they are declaring their love for them again or wishing that they would contact them. It is a truly amazing insight into the human brain. Thank you LS!
Fallen Angel Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I would say that what has been helpful to me is seeing that I am NOT completely insane. And that if I am it is okay, cause there are a lot of people just as crazy as I am. I was slogging through the emotional wasteland that is My affair, alone. I still slog through it alone, but LS is like a good pair of hip-waders for me, helping to keep the worst of the s**t from squishing up between my toes. I see the things My MM says to me repeated here over and over from other OW's MMs and so I am starting to see it for what it is, a pile of manure he tries to cover up with roses. But no matter how many roses he piles on top, it is still what it is, and I am tired of stinking from it. I haven't been posting too much because I got slammed pretty hard when I did, and I am trying to pick through the trash and find the armour I need to dress myself with for the battle i know lies ahead. (The day I go completely NC) I am slowly sifting through, and am more well battle dressed everyday. Thanks LS!
MistyK Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 (edited) Its been really helpful to not feel so alone. There are few people IRL that I feel completely comfortable talking to about this stuff, and none who are or have been in quite the same boat. It's like one big AA meeting, but with a few spots of vitriol. I've learned to ignore it, so it's been more helpful being here as of late. There are posters I find more helpful than others, ones that speak from experience without being patronizing or nasty. Sometimes it means a lot just to hear your feelings validted, rather than cast aside as wrong or stupid. Sometimes there are things that are hard to hear and I so appreciate the posters that take the time to craft their posts carefully with the reader's feelings at heart. Edited October 5, 2009 by MistyK
skywriter Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 I've learned that if it smells like a fish, ....it's a fish. You can't make it anything other than just what it is, can't love it enough, or rewrite the history of. So I guess, in a round about way I'm learning to accept what I cannot change. LS has been beneficial in this acceptance.
LakesideDream Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 LS was what I needed when I needed it. Confirmation that I wasn't "the only one", knowledge that regardless of the situation, there were solutions. LS is a place to vent, get advice, and make friends. I thank you all.
TogetherForever Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 LS was what I needed when I needed it. Confirmation that I wasn't "the only one", knowledge that regardless of the situation, there were solutions. LS is a place to vent, get advice, and make friends. I thank you all. WOW, you took the words right outta my mouth!!! Thank you! And thanks to all that were here for me, with me, against me etc... TF
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