BariBoy87 Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Alright, I have been going out for a 1 year and a couple of months, but I was good friends with her for almost 4 years. The relationship was going smoothly with a few hiccups which I assume is normal. We lived very close to each other and spent a lot of time together every day. I then moved out my moms house and moved in with my dad because of many problems with my mom. Now instead of a 5 min drive to her house it was about a 25 min drive which isnt that bad. With the move, I had to buy a car and because of that I had to save as much money as I could. So me being the only driver I could not afford to drive back and forth to see her as much as I wanted too. This affected her a lot because it's difficult for her to adjust to things. She loved me very much and realied on me for everything. Now, while together her opinions on things and views in life were a struggle for me to maintain. Ex. wanted to wait until we married for sex, yet she believed she wasn't a vrigin because she wasn't pure anymore due to oral sex, but she didn't practise her religion so it threw me off completely. Also, she was very afraid of getting pregnant, there was a situation where we were fooling around and I came on her leg and she literally thought she was pregnant. She was freaking out until she got her period. Another example. She didn't like to be around women who dressed slutty because she thought it was rude even though I would never pay any attention to them. She trusted me but was very insecure IMO. I forgot to mention, she isn't that quite healthy. Low iron and a few other minor issues, and has anxiety. I tried my best to help her when needed but ever since the move she would complain and annoy me about certain things. Over time I became unhappy but I wasn't loosing feelings for her. I loved her to death and still do. I just thought it would never improve, I thought she was hopeless, I am young and didn't want to waste my early years being unhappy. She wasn't really doing nothing with her life but we wanted to be together forever so she went to school for a better job so we could support eachother while living together. So all the problmes began while she was at school and I kept telling myself that if I leave her now than she might just quit school and do nothing with her life. I didn't want that and hoped things would work out so the plan was to stay with her until she was done school and had a job set up and if things were still bad I would break up with her. Well things didn't go according to plan. One day we pissed me off really bad and I just said it was enough. I decided to call it quits while she was still in school. She took it REALLY badly and I did too even though I was the one to break up. I felt empty afterwards like some part of me was missing. I tried to keep as busy as I can to try and not think about her. 3 or 4 months go by with no contact at all. I wanted to contact her many time just to see how she was doing but was figured it was a bad idea. Well last week she messaged me appologizing about before saying that I was right all this time and that she has cleared her mind. We get back to talking and I find out she got involved with someone for about 2 months and had sex with him. This killed me because I knew how much of a problem it was for her. She said once I left her she lost faith in so many things and just didn't want to be alone. She is no longer with him because she said it didn't really feel like a relationship that he was just using her or something. So I also learn that she graduated from school and her views are almost all different like she mattured. So I told her what if I wanted to get back together with her, and asked if she would. She said she never expected me to want her back and that she put my decision of not being with her into her head completely. With that said she tells me no one is like me, that I am special. We met up to talk in person about certain things and I was so happy. Ever since, I cannot stop thinking about her and want to get back with her asap. I told her this and she says she doesn't know if she would ever feel the same way she did about me but said for us to take things slowly and be patient. A mature and unexpected thing to say from her. I agreed. So now it`s been a few days. and we have been talking a lot just like we used too when we were friends. I just don`t know what to do because I am afraid she will just want to remain friends. As of now I don`t think there is anyone else on her mind. She seem a lot more social than before, she is going out often and seems to have a lot more friends but is aware of my feelings now. Do I just wait and hope for the best? It has been a few days now, when is it alright for me to ask her to go out again? what are certain signs to be aware of? I need help! Please and Thank you.
Chris21 Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 If you see improvement in her and she seems a more healthier social person then I don't think getting back together in slow fashion is fine. Earlier before the break up it sounded like she was very dependent on you and it was emotionally draining you (please correct me if I'm wrong, I don't want to make wrong assumptions). If you guys can now have a good time and still function apart then I think you should look into getting back together. Don't force it, just let it happen. Best of luck to you.
Author BariBoy87 Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 Yes, it was emotional draining on me. Well I have my mind made up, I want to get back with her asap. I am thinking about her non-stop and I am barely eating. I don't want to force it but how do I make it happen sooner than later. And when is it too long to wait?
Chris21 Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 You can't really make it happen sooner than later, what you can do is just work on making it happen. Keep in touch and spend more time together, but don't just sacrifice all your time for her, you have to maintain your own life as well. Desperation to get back together is not attractive, stay positive, eat lol, and you'll be fine
whichwayisup Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Take it slow..Real slow. Those reasons why you broke up with her, atleast some of them are still there. Her health issues.. She needs to seek some treatment for her anxiety issues (google cognitive behaviour therapy), to see her family Dr to get her iron and b12 levels back to normal (could need monthly shots, atleast with the b12, iron supplements is a must), and, her relying on you too much. She needs to be more independant, BE with you, but not rely on you for everything.. Counselling will help her with insecurity issues, and ofcourse help her cope with the anxiety disorder she has. Be friends, talk and listen to one another. Be honest with her, and hopefully in time, you two can build up a newer and more mature relationship.
Author BariBoy87 Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 alright, so i asked her if she regretted talking to me now that she knows I want her back and she told me no, that I am being to negative and hard on myself. She then said things will happen if they are supposed to. The last few days I have been texting her first. Today I havent texted her at all and she never texted me yet. is it alright if the whole day goes by? is it a bad sign if im the one always initiating it? Is it alright to call her out of the blue? I don't want to seem desperate because that may scare her off.
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