Mystie Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Hi, this is my first post, I’ve been dating a man for 5 months now and he’s a wonderful person. The problem however is that he had just recently seperated from his wife. Emotionally he had left the marriage a long time ago. I was weary at first because of the time that it takes one to heal, but my heart quickly was his. He’s been under a huge amount of stress dealing with financial issue and his children (grown) are his life as it should be. He worries how they will manage as well as the stress his ex places upon them. He tends to pull back when things pile up. Here begins my problem, and it is my problem not his. Having gone through a hurtful divorce myself and having dated some not so nice men, I tend to over analyze. This in turn makes me nervous that he is pulling away from me, like my ex-husband did (though he left for another woman). Case in point, this morning I noticed he had changed a saying on his MSN, it had been one that I had put there, he changed it to something general. No big deal really, but I felt as if this was the beginning of the end. Rationally I know it’s petty. He asked what was wrong and I told him it was too silly to talk about but he asked, and then he said he wonders if that is how I’ll be with everything. Which he has every right to think. I am not controlling and believe that in order to have a good relationship each person should have their own identity. Though I honestly can’t blame him for saying what he did. He is under enough stress now without my silly insecurities, so my position now is that I wonder if I’ve driven him away because he doesn’t need to deal with that. As well how do I let go of the past and have trust in someone. I love this man, and if he says he can’t continue a relationship I will try my best to smile and thank him for all the good memories. Knowing that it was me who ruined the relationship is what is even worse. Help!!!
whichwayisup Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 Detach and slowly give this guy space.. His life is a mess and he needs time to sort it out. 5 months isn't that long and since he's newly separated, he isn't doing you or himself ANY favours by getting involved with someone so quickly. People need time to adjust, grieve the loss of their marriage..To heal and grow, and have the time to put into a new relationship. It honestly sounds like the timing is all wrong between you two.. That and you ARE being too sensitive, reading into things abit too much..Especially the MSN thing. My suggestion is, end it and tell him to call you in a 6 months to a year, ask you out and possibly you'll 'date' him.
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