scatterd Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 I dont know how much more I can take hes pushing me to no return.He says I thought we were going to work this out.before that he wanted a divorice then he did not know what he wanted hes this then hes that he loves me then he dont.Hes is defensive he has said so many hurtfull things.I dont know what were working out he wont do counsiling because he says to many hurtfull things will be said.But he wont talk he already has said hurtfull things.I know hes been with someone else but I can not take the abuse.Im tired of crying I have to get out hes leavtng me no reason to work this out.And who is this guy anyway sure looks like the one I married but does not act like him I feel like im in the twilite zone. I dont know what to do.
MrMayI Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 just my take, but first of all, slow down! catch your breath. if you feel abused or mistreated, shut him out. any children? protect them. file for divorce. see if that changes his tune. if not, you'll realize just what you need to do.
Logik Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Seems to me that he doesn't want to face the problems head on. Just ignore them and carry on as if they didn't exist. If he doesn't want to step up to the plate and take responsibility for his part of the problems, then you'll be fighting a never ending battle. You can't control him, you can only control yourself. Do what you feel needs to be done. If you want to save your marriage, give him an ultimatum. Tell him you will leave if he doesn't wise up and get with the program. If he still doesn't, then leave. It might actually take you leaving him to make him come to his senses because of the gravity of the situation. Then you make him work for it and prove to you that he's gonna try his utmost to make things work. That's if you still want to at that point.
Author scatterd Posted October 3, 2009 Author Posted October 3, 2009 Thank you children are grown he is abusive in hurtful words I think he is seeing someone or mid life crisis.hes up down and all over the place he says one thing one day and the next something different.Im starting to want out now. where it was him that wanted it in the begining.he claims he does not remember saying things but come on.I gave him 16 yrs and 8 months of my life and I dont understand who he is all of a sudden.I cant say anything without him being defensive and when I react or say why its put back on me.I think he hates me or something I dont know what ive done to deserve this it just all of a sudden he changed or I was not paying enough attention I thought he would never cheat or do this im shocked and deeply cut.Never seen this coming hes not his self'
trippi1432 Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Thank you children are grown he is abusive in hurtful words I think he is seeing someone or mid life crisis.hes up down and all over the place he says one thing one day and the next something different.Im starting to want out now. where it was him that wanted it in the begining.he claims he does not remember saying things but come on.I gave him 16 yrs and 8 months of my life and I dont understand who he is all of a sudden.I cant say anything without him being defensive and when I react or say why its put back on me.I think he hates me or something I dont know what ive done to deserve this it just all of a sudden he changed or I was not paying enough attention I thought he would never cheat or do this im shocked and deeply cut.Never seen this coming hes not his self' Hi Scattered, I'm so sorry you are here trying to find answers...looking at some of your other posts it sounds like your guy wants his cake and eat it too. He can't have that unless you are inclinded to having an open marriage...and who these days wants that, right? If you can get him to counseling, I would say that is the first step...if he won't go, you can't force him (mine won't go). But it sounds like you have a MLC on your hands given his age. I would say give him the ultimatum, but be prepared that he may go either way on that.
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