I'm back and need some guidance.

[Unistudent]

Some of you may remember me from a few weeks ago.

 

Im not going to recap my whole story because my issue right now doesn't really have much to do with it all.

 

Well... heres some updated info. I ended up moving out about two weeks ago. I just got internet here with some of the other people that I live with. I didn't initiate no contact right away. We hung out ALOT and I mean we were hanging out almost every day... going for coffee... watching TV... going running... etc..

 

Two days ago I was hanging out with her and I just noticed that I was making all of the effort... I mean I went to her place (my old place) all of the time... she didn't ever come here. She would get me to give her foot massages and leg massages because they were 'just sooo sore all of the time' but she would never offer to do the same for me. Anyways... I just felt used... like I was just being a fill in for what emotions she needed in her life... So after we ate that night I just got up and left. She yelled back at me 'Don't I get a hug?' and I said 'I never said I wasn't going to give you one... on second thought... I don't think I will... cya' and then I just walked home. That may have sounded rude but... I was just so fed up with the way I was being treated.

 

I haven't talked/txted/emailed/anything her since then. She has called my cell phone around 20 times in the last two days.. sent me a message 'Why are you ignoring me? It's really mean' sent another message

 

'It really hurts my feelings that you are ignoring me. At least tell me why your mad or something, but to just stop talking to me is really hurtful.'

 

And then finally another one today. Ill give you a little back story here first. She is pretty much broke... its not really her fault though (she is a graduate student) and has alot of stuff to pay for the year. I have been helping her out... because if I didn't I know she would be evicted and everything would b f'ed for her and I do still care (she broke it off with me).

So the last message said that the utilities company will be shutting off her power if she doesn't pay it off by monday. She told me that she has a large amount of money just waiting to clear at the bank from her work (I know this is true) and that she will pay me back once it clears.

 

So what do I do? I want to pay it... but I really don't know if I should. Like an idiot I have been giving her sooo much emotional and some financial support the past month. She should have lost all of that when we broke up... so should I still help her out now?

 

Need some advice soon please.

Thanks in advance

[smookie]

I think that if you really want to still help her you can without the contact.

Just go straight to the company and pay it if you want to. You still do nto need to contact her .. I know that if it was me I would feel bad if my ex b/f lost his power.

But thats just me ..

[Unistudent]

Thanks for your reply Smookie.

I really wanted to pay it... I just needed someone to give me a nudge.

 

I just paid it and got the confirmation number from my bank so I will have to call on monday to make sure they know that it was paid.

 

She wanted me to send her the confirmation number but I dont want to write her anything right now...

 

I will be having contact with her on thursday... I got us tickets to a show that cost quite a bit of money, bought them b4 we broke up, so I will be seeing her then.

 

Thanks again

[Exit]

Help her this one last time maybe, and then have a discussion with her that it is going to stop.

 

I understand how you feel, but let me just say, ignoring someone is really childish and rude. My ex, after months of staying in contact with me, letting me pursue her, suddenly just stopped acknowledging my existence, ignored any texts I sent her, and it put me through a personal hell. Be a man and discuss your feelings with her like an adult. I completely understand that you were feeling used, and that maybe she doesn't deserve an explanation, but she does. You're reminding me of my ex, for some reason you were initially okay with spending time with her, giving her massages, hanging out at her place, then one day you get up after dinner and storm out? Come on. I can understand her confusion.

 

I am really fearful for the breakdown of communication in our society these days. People have gotten too used to getting mad at someone and turning off their phone, "deleting" them on a social networking website, or whatever else. It takes more integrity to tell someone what you are upset about before just deciding to ignore them. If you express your concerns and they show no interest in resolving the problem, THEN you can walk out and not worry about it.

 

You accuse her of using you to fill some emotional void, but why exactly are YOU still there? Surely somewhere deep inside you probably thought it was going to benefit you in some way too. Now that you haven't gotten what you wanted out of it, you got mad at her.

[Unistudent]

Hey Exit,

I was OK with hanging out with her because I think I have been fooling myself that theres still some part of the relationship that I can put back together. If it was me who broke up with her I would tell her to stay away and that she shouldn't be trying anymore... I wouldn't be asking her to touch my body or hang out all of the time and act like we were still dating.

 

Your right... I was using her to fill an emotional need that I still want/wanted... its just not healthy for me to be around her... and when I am I act like we are still dating because its so easy to fall back into that.

 

I dont know... Im going to be seeing her in a few days anyways.

 

Thanks for your perspective on things

[smookie]

Help her this one last time maybe, and then have a discussion with her that it is going to stop.

 

I understand how you feel, but let me just say, ignoring someone is really childish and rude. My ex, after months of staying in contact with me, letting me pursue her, suddenly just stopped acknowledging my existence, ignored any texts I sent her, and it put me through a personal hell. Be a man and discuss your feelings with her like an adult. I completely understand that you were feeling used, and that maybe she doesn't deserve an explanation, but she does. You're reminding me of my ex, for some reason you were initially okay with spending time with her, giving her massages, hanging out at her place, then one day you get up after dinner and storm out? Come on. I can understand her confusion.

 

I am really fearful for the breakdown of communication in our society these days. People have gotten too used to getting mad at someone and turning off their phone, "deleting" them on a social networking website, or whatever else. It takes more integrity to tell someone what you are upset about before just deciding to ignore them. If you express your concerns and they show no interest in resolving the problem, THEN you can walk out and not worry about it.

 

You accuse her of using you to fill some emotional void, but why exactly are YOU still there? Surely somewhere deep inside you probably thought it was going to benefit you in some way too. Now that you haven't gotten what you wanted out of it, you got mad at her.

 

I so agree with every word you said here .... I think that people are getting really lazy with there communication skills and people are relying on others to somehow know what the other person is thinking. It's not right at all.

 

I took a shot and I was hurt more then anything I felt lastnight but at least I gave it my very last try... Now I can move on, I do not need to hear from him anymore, I said what I have been trying to say for 7.5 years yesterday..he got it got mad and thats it... but at least I did not coward down. I stood up and talked.