FallForward Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Hello Everyone, I too have my share of bad news. After 5 yrs of what I thought was a happy marriage, is slowly coming to an end. When I met my husband, I was on cloud nine. He was everything I could have asked for and more. The tears he cried on our wedding day people still talk about. We built everything together and enjoyed everyday together. I still remember him holding me at night making me promise we would always be like this..coming home everyday talking about how much he loved his life and I was the best wife in the world. This all ended when he reenlisted in the military 2 yrs ago. Life as I knew it disappeared. Next thing I know we are in Japan and my husband is changing after every deployment. He came home 2 mos ago and left the next day. He said he needed to find himself and didn't know what he wanted. In the same breath he tells me that I was better than the best wife and its nothing to do with me. All I know is that when he realized he was turning 30, it didn't help our situation. So here I am on a small base in a foreign country surrounded by families, with my "single" husband living 10 min away. I honestly don't know what to do at this point. I just keep praying for god to give me strength. Its like I keep waiting for him to come back on his knees begging for me to give him another chance. Then he brings the kids home and off he goes. He says that sometimes he feels trapped but then misses his family. He is "on the fence" so to speak. I know he is dealing with some issues as well. Seems he can't let go of his past...he regrets things he has done to people; he feels like a failure; doesn't think he can measure up, etc. Its like some sort of midlife crisis or something. I am at a loss as I can't believe this is the man I married. I sometimes feel like such a failure to my boys because why can't I pick a good man?? I have really come a long way in my life. I had my first son when I was 15, finished school, bought a home,in the process of finishing my Masters, and even found what I enjoy doing. I took care of me and my child, waited for the "right" person, didn't even cohabitate, got married, planned my 2nd child only to end up back here again. I have done nothing but try to be the best supportive military spouse I could be. Now he tells me I'm to good for him and he doesn't think he can be what I deserve. I never asked for anything but love and appreciation. I could have put him out so many times and the irony is he leaves me instead. Now I sit here trying to figure out the rest of my life with my kids. Where will I move, when will I move. I enjoy my job and will finish school soon, but its so unbearable being here and feeling so isolated. Every day is crawling by. I just want this part of my life to be over. I hate feeling like he has the upper hand because the way I see it, as long as I am here, why would he rush to do the right thing. For me to put so much into this marriage and be told that he doesn't know what he wants is such a slap in the face. I gave up so much to be with him and did it without thinking twice. Why do I feel like I lost here? I mean how dare he do this to me? When he was in the hospital almost dying of MRSA, he cherished me then. In the midst of that, I saved his job and moved us all to Japan. I just don't understand how my husband who was the most sensitive loving man in the world tell me that he doesn't want to be here and always wonder what it would be like to just be by himself. DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED AND HAVE A FAMILY???!!! Now I have to watch my 2yr old cry for his dad all the time, while I console him with no one here to console me. I know God has me here for a reason, but I just wish I knew what the future holds for us. At the same time I feel stupid feeling like this because I should be the one making this decision but I can't let go of who he was.... Sorry for the long post...
hopesndreams Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Do you think there could be someone else in the picture?
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