inhindsight Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 King, I know it is hard to hear all of this and not feel defensive. Believe me, I know all about being defensive to justify. I wish I had come on a forum like this before I had an A and broken lives. My H is a an amazing man with an immense ability to forgive. And I will never againg make the mistake of treating him with less respect than he deserves. Do not put your wife thru the pain.
Athena Posted October 5, 2009 Posted October 5, 2009 King, I know it is hard to hear all of this and not feel defensive. I doubt he even cares.... he wants his candy...
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 6, 2009 Posted October 6, 2009 As I said, I'm an ****** playing with fire. But, if it doesn't go any farther than dirty, sexy texts and messages, I can live with that guilt. If it moves onto sex - that's something different. She sends me the message that she would never have a sexual affair - but is she being honest? If we can make each other feel good through flirting, and no one else knows, why not. Having sex is something different and I would hope I have enough will to resist that. She, on the other hand, I don't know. If she is so adamnent against sexual affairs why does she so freely continue in this affair? This is what is confusing me. Can two people (who are already friends) maintain a flirtaous relationship or will sex eventually get in the way. I just don't know? Your heading towards losing a wife and a friend in one fell swoop. You Hope you can resist sex? If you get to a point where you HAVE to resist sex.... you've already lost the war. Listen, she says "I hate people who have affairs", because she wants to have one. It doesn't make sense... but when you really think about it... it does!
Fallen Angel Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 (edited) I have a feeling that the OP is no longer coming to this board. I think he got answers he didn't like and went on his way to try to find someone to tell him what he is doing is okay, and that rationalizing it as "no sex = no pain for others" is the right track of thinking to be on. I think it is pretty safe to bet he would not get the answers he seeks here. But just on the off chance that he may come back and read this, here is MY advice. Stop trying to figure out the OWs motives. Try to figure out your own motivations for this AFFAIR you are in. If it is simply because you are "bored" (what a HORRIBLE REASON TO DESTROY THE SOUL OF SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU SO MUCH *YOUR WIFE*) then may I suggest that you put the same effort you are currently putting into flirting with the OW, into flirting with your wife. If you are bored, it is a pretty safe bet she is too. I am sure she would LOVE a sexy text (or twelve) from you while you are working to let her know you are thinking about her! How about a sexy phone call home to your wife during your lunch break? How about you ask your WIFE to send a sexy photo to you on your cell phone at random times, to spice things up? When is the last time you took your wife somewhere for a date? Or went home early from work for a quickie before the kids got home from school? Or how about this, when is the last time you told your wife she is the most beautiful woman in the world? or that you truly appreciate all the things she does to take care of you, the family? When is the last time you told her to take a day for herself and go get her hair done, a manicure, a pedicure? When is the last time you bought her a gift just because? When is the last time you took a shower with her and helped her wash her hair? or got down on your knees and washed her feet? When is the last time you took her out "parking"? When is the last time you spent the night just kissing and loving and touching and speaking sweetly to her without expecting it to lead to sex? When is the last time you did anything to make your marriage less boring? Perhaps that is where your focus should be, you should be trying to figure out how to please your wife instead of trying to get into the mind of some OTHER WOMAN. Edited October 10, 2009 by Fallen Angel
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