pandagirl Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 I have a few friends who will date anyone. I find the number of people they will have sex with and spend time who they aren't even that into is weird. They're not crazy about them, they're not repulsed by them. It's just more like, "yeah, I'll hang out with them and hook up." Is this the social norm, or am I just way too extremely emo and picky about men?
carhill Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Do you think, in general, they seek external validation?
Author pandagirl Posted October 3, 2009 Author Posted October 3, 2009 Do you think, in general, they seek external validation? Hmm. I don't know! Most of my friends are in serious relationships or married, but these singles friends I speak of don't seem to be lacking in self-esteem. It's almost like they would rather have someone around than be "alone." So maybe in that sense, they are seeking external validation? Or fills some part of them that is lacking? All I know is I've been cursed with being too "sensitive," so anything that doesn't feel meaningful or connected, leaves me feeling empty. The thought of going from one STR to the next, consecutively, is just so unappealing to me.
carhill Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 The reason I asked the question is based on some observations I've made regarding my own patterns. I go long stretches, days sometimes, without seeing another human. I don't make special efforts to do so. I don't feel 'alone', like there's an emptiness of social contact. But, yet, if a woman I didn't know were to 'ask me out', I might likely say 'yes'. Am I seeking external validation? I'll work here all day alone and then this evening go to my best friend's house for dinner and beers. Do I feel impelled to, this otherwise solitary Saturday? I don't believe so. I enjoy them and value them as friends but the social contact doesn't rule me, though I don't turn down their invitations. See the dynamic? All I know is I've been cursed with being too "sensitive," so anything that doesn't feel meaningful or connected, leaves me feeling empty. Sometimes it feels like a curse but IMO, in reality, it is a blessing. As long as you're comfortable with the spaces in between such connections, I think you will find life to be immensely deep and colorful. Firstly, know and love yourself
Hkizzle Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Confident outside isn't the same as confient inside. Your friends are confident outside, but lonely when alone and hence make bad coices regarding partners.
C-i-C-u Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Or they could have been sexually molested as little kids. Which is why they go from STR to STR. The younger you have sex the more you are going to change partners and the more sex you will have.
Author pandagirl Posted October 4, 2009 Author Posted October 4, 2009 The reason I asked the question is based on some observations I've made regarding my own patterns. I go long stretches, days sometimes, without seeing another human. I don't make special efforts to do so. I don't feel 'alone', like there's an emptiness of social contact. But, yet, if a woman I didn't know were to 'ask me out', I might likely say 'yes'. Am I seeking external validation? I'll work here all day alone and then this evening go to my best friend's house for dinner and beers. Do I feel impelled to, this otherwise solitary Saturday? I don't believe so. I enjoy them and value them as friends but the social contact doesn't rule me, though I don't turn down their invitations. See the dynamic? Sometimes it feels like a curse but IMO, in reality, it is a blessing. As long as you're comfortable with the spaces in between such connections, I think you will find life to be immensely deep and colorful. Firstly, know and love yourself I very rarely feel "alone." The only time I recognize myself as feeling lonely, is when I am feel particularly down about something or upset about something in relation to interpersonal relationships. Otherwise, I'm happy being by myself and entertaining myself! I am comfortable with the spaces in between connections, but I feel like the end of these so-called connections leaves me exhausted and disappointed. Confident outside isn't the same as confient inside. Your friends are confident outside, but lonely when alone and hence make bad coices regarding partners. For instance, it was my friend's bday party last night. She had just started dating this guy a couple weeks ago, who she had been complaining about: he was too clingy, too into her, not really attracted to him. Lo and behold, at her party, she was all over him. I don't get it.
carhill Posted October 4, 2009 Posted October 4, 2009 For instance, it was my friend's bday party last night. She had just started dating this guy a couple weeks ago, who she had been complaining about: he was too clingy, too into her, not really attracted to him. Lo and behold, at her party, she was all over him. I don't get it. That's easy (and typically female); she uses friends for a receptacle for her negative emotions regarding her new man so he gets the positive side of her. It also underscores the dichotomy of intellect vs attraction. 'Complaining' was thinking; 'all over him' was attraction. IMO, unhealthy, but that's how many women I've known in my life operate. The alternative is dumping him and some people don't want to be alone or are ruled by 'what if' scenarios and psychology.
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