xp5000 Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 I don't even know where to begin with this. I met this wonderful young woman while we were both in high school. We fell in love after a while. Things were almost always good between us, not perfect, but good. One day back in 2007, she moved to the other side of the US without even telling me, and for the next 7 months, I was left wondering why she wouldn't talk to me anymore, and I automatically blamed myself. She spoke to me one day and told me where she was, and for a long time after, things were great after that. We began talking for hours on the telephone, sometimes from the late evening all the way into the sunrise of the next morning. This is important, I think, for later on. I graduated from college in December of last year, and I announced to everyone that I would be joining her at my graduation party. I had my high school sweetheart, she was my rock, and I just graduated. I thought my life was finally set, I could settle down and start a family with this woman. I couldn't have been more wrong. Her family, with the exception of her mother, who blessed our relationship, absolutely hated me. For example, her uncle loaned her a car when her car broke down, he took it away from her when it became known that we were dating, other relatives tried to bribe me to leave her, and her father disowned her and told her that he wished she was never born. Long story short, things fell apart. Obtaining money wasn't as easy as I thought and her family's pressure on both of us eventually got the better of us. We yelled at each other, something we've never done before. And two days later, after relatives momentarily convinced both of us that it wouldn't work out and because of financial problems, I found myself on the train back in early February. We both agreed that things would go back to the way before I came over, and for a while that's how things worked. But after a while, she started saying "like you care" when I asked her how she was or how her day went, and one day out of the blue, she said that I needed to "stop blaming her for everything." For a brief while after this, I thought things got good again, and then in May the phone calls stopped, she didn't respond to any of my messages (texts or emails). I thought it was like back in 2007. I had told her many times that I was planning to return to her if she wanted, I never got a message back. Another thing is that I have been in contact with her mother, who both my girlfriend and I agreed to call as often as I could, and I did just that until September. One day early in that month, she emailed me and told me not to call her house or cell anymore, and she said that she didn't want my friendship anymore. I replied and said that I wouldn't contact her anymore, but said if she wanted to be my friend or contact me again, that I would always be there. It's been a month since then, and I haven't heard a word from her. Everyone around me says that it's not my fault and that I really should stop kicking myself over this, but I've also learned that it's important what I think. And what do I think? I think that I am completely responsible for everything bad that happened to her, and I can't make these thoughts go away. I also promised to return to her and pay for her car that she had to buy, I feel awful that I can't keep these promises. I haven't just lost the love of my life, I also lost my best friend, and I am completely sure that I ruined the life of that "one" for me. I try to push her out of my mind, that just forces her back in. I try to remember the fact that we had many more good times than bad times, and just makes me feel even worse. I just want to know why I feel like this, and what maybe what might be going on inside her mind as well.
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