coruscate Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 At least that's how I feel. I was shy to begin with, school nerd. Spent my time since High School trying to get a start up venture off the ground. It's not working out so I'm going to back to college. But I've always had a challenge getting respected as a viable partner. I've had a long term relationship before, I've dated, (yes I had sex at some point in there), I'm not the "40 year old virgin" but sometimes I feel like it. Every time I turn around some fool who happens to have bought someone a drink is becoming a daddy and I can barely get acknowledged in line or in person. No one says I'm ugly, everyone says I look good. It just sucks, I'm so sick of doing back flips and getting no where. I'm going back to college to up my job prospects but I'm just about ready to give up on dating in the US. It's like I'm a block of wood. I'm really frustrated.
You'reasian Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 At least that's how I feel. I was shy to begin with, school nerd. Spent my time since High School trying to get a start up venture off the ground. It's not working out so I'm going to back to college. But I've always had a challenge getting respected as a viable partner. I've had a long term relationship before, I've dated, (yes I had sex at some point in there), I'm not the "40 year old virgin" but sometimes I feel like it. Every time I turn around some fool who happens to have bought someone a drink is becoming a daddy and I can barely get acknowledged in line or in person. No one says I'm ugly, everyone says I look good. It just sucks, I'm so sick of doing back flips and getting no where. I'm going back to college to up my job prospects but I'm just about ready to give up on dating in the US. It's like I'm a block of wood. I'm really frustrated. Sorry to hear about your situation. Yeah, the economy is killer out there. Relationships are about making a personal connection; not about back flips. You could be a talented guy - but your intelligence, looks, personality and good stuff won't mean squat if you can't make that personal connection. You might not be in the right place to meet women - and I mean location. Not all places are created equal - it may be another venue, another city or even country. Don't get discouraged, take a break and then try again later.
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 At least that's how I feel. I was shy to begin with, school nerd. Spent my time since High School trying to get a start up venture off the ground. It's not working out so I'm going to back to college. But I've always had a challenge getting respected as a viable partner. I've had a long term relationship before, I've dated, (yes I had sex at some point in there), I'm not the "40 year old virgin" but sometimes I feel like it. Every time I turn around some fool who happens to have bought someone a drink is becoming a daddy and I can barely get acknowledged in line or in person. No one says I'm ugly, everyone says I look good. It just sucks, I'm so sick of doing back flips and getting no where. I'm going back to college to up my job prospects but I'm just about ready to give up on dating in the US. It's like I'm a block of wood. I'm really frustrated. Since when are nerds losers?! Ladies love nerdy guys. And I highly doubt people are LYING to you when they say you look good. Take heart bro, a good looking nerd can have the world in the palm of his hands if he just has a little confidence to reach out and take it. Going back to college is a good start, the sky is the limit from there.
CARL45 Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Sir! Where not the same the same age (I am 24), but I feel the same way about relationships with women. a lot of it has to do with the way my parents have raised me. They did not give me and brother self confidence and thus we find it awkward to try to form relationships with people. I know exactly how it feels to be awkward and feel strangely alien to those around you. The only thing that has really helped me is going up to people and simply talking to them or just asking questions of women and men. To add also I don't have many friends. I also try and mine try to write in journal about the people I had a chance to interact with. I am not saying this would help you, but I found it has given me hope! That is really Sir all man has!!!
Author coruscate Posted October 3, 2009 Author Posted October 3, 2009 (Ramble on!) Thanks for the encouragement, I know what I'm going through on a number of levels is emotion and fear but it's edging at me and has been for too long. I know I'd be better off if I had a "better job" thing going, so there's some fairness to the situation but I still hate living through ever hell-acious moment of it. I had planned on having my act together right now and being in the middle of raising my family not watching people who were just about born when I graduated high school have kids left and right. There are times when I feel twisted up inside about the entire situation. I'm not perfect and I did have a chance I could have made work out at one point... but overall I'm just cranky, irritable and I'm having a hard time smiling at people. It comes and gos. Right now it's on my chest like a lead weight so, I'm posting. I can at least get it out of me in words but that's it. I'm so jealous of how some guys have it so god damn easy. They sneeze and they replace their girlfriend. I've intervened twice now in two very abusive relationships where one man was threatening his former date with a gun and another liked to beat on her. Watched a Hong Kong Born, 40 year old manager kick my promotion to the curb so he could promote a 25 year old white girl to the spot, so he could have sex with her. Normal story right? Nope. His wife (also from HK) and two kids worked there too. I mean hell. WTF. I mean yeah there's some justice in this world... his kids will always have a level of hate for him.... the girl he's with already had two kids and is known to be the sneaky type. In my state if you form a relationship with someone's kids you can be sued and held for child support even if you're not the biological father. So yeah, in a few years he'll get his (in addition to losing a sexual harassment chage against the former female night manager) on the last front. But I'm still by myself and I hate it. Watched a power tripping 18 year old former co-worker who helped get me fired for a personal grudge get too drunk one night, now she's a mother. Dude was a female version of her, so they hate each other and he just left the state. I see 40 year old guys with 18 year old wives and I don't object to the concept but after the abuse I've already seen out here... bleh. There are some good couples out here though with age distances like that. I don't know, just trying to hold my sanity and it's difficult for me. I've been out of a relationship for six years and I am not taking it well.
mortensorchid Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 I'm in the same position as you are. Not exactly, but very similar. I'm fed up. It seems that people do not want class but trash. Well, let them. It's ok if they want trash. You, however, are not trash. Better you be alone than put up with someone's soap operas. I too feel like a bit of a loser, but then again ever think that maybe you mistakenly hooked up with losers? You didn't know it at the time, but looking back you realize you did? Nothing against you of course, we've all been there. I'm angry at the world, I'm trying not to be bitter about all the hilarious experiences I've had. But it's hard, I know. Focus on your classes and earning the degree, work, and other friends. They say that IT happens when you least expect it. Well, I guess it does for others. I have no faith in that IT will happen to me but, but I'm going to sit here and be happy in my own world.
prettybaby Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 I'm really sorry to hear that. Maybe you need to try to meet women in other situations. Like, I don't know, join a club or start some classes as a hobby or whatever. It could be that you're not putting yourself in the right situations to meet more positive people who'd be right for you. Also, I don't know if you have a dog or would even have time to have one, but from the moment I got a dog, I started meeting loads of people in my area. Dog people will just randomly walk up to you and start chatting, because when they walk they're dog, they're obviously off work and are in a more relaxed and open mode. You'd be amazed what a difference a dog makes lol
EcstasyX6 Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 "They sneeze and they replace their girlfriend. I've intervened twice now in two very abusive relationships where one man was threatening his former date with a gun and another liked to beat on her. Watched a Hong Kong Born, 40 year old manager kick my promotion to the curb so he could promote a 25 year old white girl to the spot, so he could have sex with her. Normal story right? Nope. His wife (also from HK) and two kids worked there too. I mean hell. WTF. I mean yeah there's some justice in this world... his kids will always have a level of hate for him.... the girl he's with already had two kids and is known to be the sneaky type. In my state if you form a relationship with someone's kids you can be sued and held for child support even if you're not the biological father. So yeah, in a few years he'll get his (in addition to losing a sexual harassment chage against the former female night manager) on the last front. " These don't sound like people anyone should admire. Maybe look at couples with healthy long term relationships as role models, not jerks. I met several nice men online, but I know it's a tougher arena for men. Just relax and enjoy life, and the right person will come along.
UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Confidence works like a beacon of light. EVERYONE, not just girls (but girls especially), is attracted to confidence. People thrive on it and want to be near it, in the magnetic pressence of it so that it rubs off on them. Becoming more confident in yourself will help your life in general; social, dating, work, all of the above. You've seen how a bug zapper works right? Same idea.
cognac Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 (edited) Don't fret OP there are millions of men in America in your boat. We're all like you, normal guys, who aren't particularly ugly or have anything wrong with us, the problem is most women want to date a tiny percentage of men that is why those guys you talk about switch girlfriends every two weeks while we're stuck single. The dating game is very shallow and stupid in America and it's impossible to connect with anyone female in my view, women in america are extremely unpredictable in a very predictable way. I say you try a different country you'll be surprised at how much simpler and easy going it is. If you live in a major U.S. city , just be at ease that it can't get any worse than where you're at right now. Edited October 3, 2009 by cognac
Author coruscate Posted October 3, 2009 Author Posted October 3, 2009 Well I've had some positive face to face reactions from some women outside of the states. More so than not. My only problem with that is that I hear that as a move constantly from men who seem... REALLY agitated. I mean off the scale, vengeful. And I never read it past tense. It's like no one has to the dough to fly off to this magical land where "traditional" women treat them well. I'm not saying that of you, I'm just saying the information and the hate seem tied together when I constantly read it. I'm hopeful on front, skeptical on the other. Though I have considered just going for an English degree and teach abroad. I know in Japan even black dudes from third world countries can walk up to women cold and just propose, marry and move on. No really, read about this in the Mainichi newspaper a few years ago. But on the other hand on top of feeling like I'm hating, even subconsciously on my own people it feels really insulting that I "have" to leave the country to get appreciated. I've had more women like me in this last year than the last five but one had a STD and the other had five kids. I'd love to just marry a former partner of mine that has *one* kid... but she's several states away from me. The one with three just moved back to my area but I can't carry three kids when I haven't even had my kids much less a career. There was another with three kids but her kids were out of control, her work ethic sucked, she wanted more kids and we just didn't jive. I mean... I'm not being left in a total vacuum but I don't like what's going on. I've got a friend inviting me to the great American "$1 drink" drinking ritual on Tuesday. Says he can introduce me to some of his female buddies. Yeah I don't know about that but I'll go anyway. Just see what happens but... blah. I hope this is just a temper tantrum before my luck turns around.
danny75 Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Best of luck whatever you decide to do. Im no expert in the dating game, as i am also single, but maybe you need to join a club, if you like sports then join a club, this may not help find a woman to begin with, but you will make friends along the way. And whilst you have made these friends you can go out for a few drinks have a good time and basically by having a good time women will notice you more.
Recommended Posts