Glue woman

[Dave1234]

well apon my absense from this forum i will tell you that i have observed a great many good advise suggestions. and to this i commend and ask you the obvious question which is how can i get a girlfriend to have sex with?????????????????????? I really want some sex and a girlfriend really really bad. and in addition to this dilema that i have i will also tell you that i saw a beautiful female at the home-depot and she was buying glue and so i go to snatch the glue from her and I says I Dave will pay for it my yon woman! the foreigner security guard sends me out the door a-packin to which i will say ALL I WANT IS MAYBE JUST A LITTKLE BIT OF A DICK-LAY!!! What is a guy to do? If I was a female of the form of this little love-creature i would welcome the advances of a man like me, dave well the other obvious question that i will tell you is that my roommate sells advertizemments for the yellow-pages and methinks we should have a personalads section and maybethen we can place a picture and find a woman

[Caddy]

How's about trying to calm down and not act like a psycho to women you don't know?

You're also talking like a caveman, or Tarzan for that matter. Tell me you don't talk like that all the time do you?

You're also lucky that lady didn't beat you up in the middle of the store! LOL

 

Have you tried online dating services? Like http://www.match.com or http://www.lavalife.com/

 

I know more than a few people that have actually had wonderful experiences from meeting people thru there.

So maybe that would be a good start for you.

 

Also I would like to say that you need to get to know someone before just having sex. Not only for moral reasons but health as well. Otherwise you might try your local "escort services".

[Dave1234]

you people on this love-shack just dont get it

[lostforwords]

DAVE I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!! rofl i must say you talk liek that frikking cartoon guy off the simpsons you know... the guy that has the comic store you frikking ROCK

afew nights laughed so HARD at what you wrote i started a thread!!!!!!!!! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=29067

[bark]

you people on this love-shack just dont get it

 

 

Dave, what is it that we don't get?

[lostforwords]

ROFLMFaO!!!!!!!!!!! ok too many mooseheads

[Reckless]

I have a theory --

 

Dave just 'pops up' with a cryptic/psycho post just when Lostforwords has made him famous with her 'funniest' ever post. Obviously, he's been around under another pseudonym - I reckon Dave is... Tony.. or Paul or some other moderator pullin our proverbal legs.

 

Hi DAVE (read: Tony -- wink, wink)...

 

Me!!! Reck more of the Less...methinks beautiful glue woman gone not to be good idea to have sex with, what if yon female used glue on your LOVE ORGAN???????? Pain ifthen you would be finding yourself stuck inside her for all of eternity!!!!!!! Advice? Return you DAVE to home-depot store and buy plastic virgina from Yogi or inlooking yellow pages with flatmate under 'virgina' or platistic!!!!!!

[moimeme]

So, Reckless, it's your contention that the mods would bother to take the time to register a new member back in May, complete with birthday, just to fool around? Kinda silly, wouldn't that be - especially since anybody can post anonymously as a guest without registering. It sounds as though English is not Dave's first language.

 

Dave, there are books on how to date women. There are the 'Dummy' books which are quite good. Read one. Nowhere in those books will there be a suggestion to "snatch the glue from her and I says I Dave will pay for it my yon woman". Go watch some romantic movies. Take hints from how the men in the movies act. There's reasons women love those films.

[lostforwords]

hmm a personals ad in the phone book maybe a tad costly dood..... i dunno.... TONY!!!!! what do you think TONY? lmao (am i too obvious that i want tony to come post)

[Dave1234]

when in the cosmic sceme of things of a love-nature in which i am tired ofn the insensitivity of a select few who will say that i dave have to get some help to this i will tell you to jump in the lake. in the future i think that technoloigy will play a very much larger place in our lives and to this i will tell you what is the obvious suggestion of laser-beams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!so that/////////////in a love=shack of-sorts maybe then we ought to make like a larger community on here and if you do not like my tea-bag seduction technique then maybe then you can advise me how to obtain maybe just a little bit of a dick-lay?? And to the females whose form is that of an obese pig i will tell you that i am not the least bit interested..////00000000 well my friend marta tells me too focus a bit more on my level of sofist-ocation and then maybe then i will be drawn to a female in a love-image form and then that a sex-situation may follow. 00))))$ so methinks to folow martas kind words of encouragemment and i comes up with a theory of the universe and to this i will tell you it involves laser-beams!!!!! the solar-panels will in the future be used for energy in the future and the only problem to this is that the smog will block out the rays of the sun but this is of course where i will tell you that the laser beams come back into place##########

[clatan]

I like you man. And I like your hilarious posts.

 

I have an idea for you...

 

Ever thought about porn? You could start one of those "reality porn" sites. All you need is...

 

1) a cam corder (two would be best, you know for 2 camera angles)

 

2) basic web design skills

 

3) video editing software

 

4) 10-20 bucks to put an ad in the paper

 

5) a few hundred to pay each girl

 

You could have sex with many different women and maybe even turn a profit!

That's about the only way a guy can get paid for sex. And remeber... It's not prostitution if you film it!

[John]

I'am with Claton dude!

 

If you want sex and a girlfreind I would go with the escourt option but if you need a girl to hang out with and talk to, then calm down and look for em' ...... Plus if your nice to her you may get some! but anyway get off the computer and those porn sites and find a girlfreind instede of your hand. ( Just kidding)

[Vivid_29]

Dave - I must admit - You are funny, dude. If I may ask, where are you from? I was thinking maybe, Australia or Jamaica. I've heard Jamaicans use terms like 'Tickle me Fancy'.

 

Also, I've read your most recent post quite a few times. It is hilarious, but I'm trying to figure out this laser beam thing. What's with that?

 

[jenny]

i'm informally off the boards, but i have laughed so hard at this guy's posts, i had to return to send him my gratitude. i'm betting this is an online-translation problem, or possibly even a computer generated rant, but i haven't chuckled like this since 'all your base belong to us'.

 

cheers, dave, here's hoping you find a girl who gets your sense of humour!

[lostforwords]

"From time-to-time I have desires such as maybe just a little bit of a pearl-necklace and some maybe just some little bit of a dicklay and to those of you who BADGER me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

Dave1234, Loveshack.Org, 2003

 

ROFLMFAO VIVID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

Vivid, i believe you started the first "DAVE Fanclub" and to you, I salute thee!!!!! DAVE... DOOD... not only have you cracked me up, but you have TOTALLY pegged my interest..... your funny as hell like clatan and vivid etc... you have made my days on Loveshack interesting.... and it has been your posts that have made me stay here..... I have been berated, ridiculed as well as bashed (i will NOT release names, you know who you are B%!@#) BUT I will honestly say, you have made my visit very enjoyable.... I thank thee...... MUWAHHHHH!!!!!!!

 

kisses geri!

 

PS.. Jenny honey come back......

[bark]

Dave, speaking of laser beams, are you still taking your meds?

[jenny]

i'm back

 

i think you might have started the dave fanclub, actually, by re-posting his early early post. but i agree, vivid's quoting him in his signature is brilliant. i love it!

 

a boy i used to tutor sent me this - it's very pleasing:

 

http://www.esatclear.ie/~irish.trade/bj000002.htm

 

i think my favourite is this one:

 

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

 

i'd love to know the kind of horrible translation mistakes english-speakers make!

[moimeme]

 

When I first saw those, years ago, I copied that one. It's still in my collection of quotes

[lostforwords]

Quoted by Bark Dave, speaking of laser beams, are you still taking your meds?

 

ROFL BARK!!!! If not ill up his dosage to just keep him here..... uh bark... is that a laser beam on your head???? lmao luv ya hun!!

 

Quoted by Jenny i'm back

Good to see hun!!!!!

 

 

 

Moimeme quoted by When I first saw those, years ago, I copied that one. It's still in my collection of quotes

Well speak of the devil hun!!!

[Vivid_29]

Originally posted by lostforwords

ROFLMFAO VIVID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

Vivid, i believe you started the first "DAVE Fanclub" and to you, I salute thee!!!!! DAVE... DOOD... not only have you cracked me up, but you have TOTALLY pegged my interest..... your funny as hell like clatan and vivid etc... you have made my days on Loveshack interesting.... and it has been your posts that have made me stay here..... I have been berated, ridiculed as well as bashed (i will NOT release names, you know who you are B%!@#) BUT I will honestly say, you have made my visit very enjoyable.... I thank thee...... MUWAHHHHH!!!!!!!

 

kisses geri!

 

PS.. Jenny honey come back......

 

Lostforwords - I agree with Jenny. I think that you actually started the fanclub

 

Thanks for pointing Daves first thread out. I would have never known that it existed. It's funny as hell!

[lostforwords]

Viv... I have dave pictured as that guy off of the simpsons who owns the comic book store... i can never remember his name.... but he kinda reminds me of that guy..... you familiar with that?

 

Oh and DAVE..... I hope your mom is not entering your room any longer in that self pleasuring fashion that she was doing!!!

[Vivid_29]

Originally posted by lostforwords

Viv... I have dave pictured as that guy off of the simpsons who owns the comic book store... i can never remember his name.... but he kinda reminds me of that guy..... you familiar with that one?

 

Yes! I know exactly who your talking about!

[lostforwords]

rofl.. isnt that just freaking funny! lmao !!!!!! ok ill stop now lmao

[Caddy]

I love The Simpsons. I looked at their website, maybe I missed it: http://www.thesimpsons.com/

 

but I couldn't find his name. Oh and if you start a Dave fan club, put me on the mailing list!

Not only are you the president Lost, you're a member! LMAO

[jenny]

it is very sad that i know this much simpsons trivia, but comic-book store guy does not actually have a name on the show. he's just comic-book store guy.

 

i imagined dave more of so-bad-they're-awesome kung fu movies - there is something about his syntax that reminds me a lot of translations that happen when even the written words are wildly different.

 

plus, i just like the idea of "tea-bag seduction" (dave, 03) as a secret ninja move. i can't stop thinking about jackie chan pulling 'em out to punch out a nefarious female spy.