WTRanger Posted October 2, 2009 Posted October 2, 2009 Does anyone have any good reading on how the best way to deal with people with the flaky or fall of the planet personality? I'm dealing with it on two ends, one with a really good friend and one with my brother. I'm certainly not going to cut my brother out of my life, but it's becoming to the point where if things go unanswered or backed out at the last minute I'll blow up in a nasty way at both of them. I want to avoid this but I can't trust these people anymore. I hate this. I can't bitch them out but I can't take it like a doormat either. I'm wondering if there is anything good out there to read about this while I simmer down and wrap my head around this.
carhill Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Just make like a hole in the water and vanish. 'You noticed I wasn't around? I'm impressed.' BTW, though some people would disagree, I don't think we owe anyone anything in life just because we share some genetic material. Mutual love and respect, if given and earned, sure. But, if a family member is an a-hole, they get disconnected just like strangers of similar ilk. Life's too short My way of dealing with such matters is to deem them (the matter and the person) irrelevant and not worthy of emotional investment. They become a business matter and pragmatism and logic take over. Value ceases to exist beyond the reciprocal. No hate or anger but no love or consideration either. Polite indifference. The person who cares the least... Hope that helps
Author WTRanger Posted October 3, 2009 Author Posted October 3, 2009 My friend? Yeah, I could drop them. I'd feel bad, but I could do it. But my brother? I don't think I can do that. That's just me though. I was just wondering if there was any reading and such, maybe how to get this subject across to them without them feeling like it's an attack. But at the same time, let them know they are being a douche to the people that are closest to them.
freestyle Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 If you go to Youtube,there's a series of clips entitled, "How to Deal With Difficult People". I found it to be very eye-opening. We all have to go through that in our lives, and you don't always have the option of cutting someone loose (i.e. your boss or a colleague). It explains several personality types and shows little vignettes about different situations, and how you can deal with them. Hope that helps.....................good luck..........
carhill Posted October 3, 2009 Posted October 3, 2009 Here's a sample of the criteria I might apply to a family member (including marital extended family).... Do they only call when they want something or to complain? Would they be there for me if something bad happened and I needed help? Accepting the reality of those answers (or answers to your questions regarding criteria) and matching it with existing boundaries of behavior should provide a reasonable course of action. TBH, I'm done with negotiating relationships. I treat people in a way I find to be satisfying and healthy and accept what is returned and decide if that return is healthy for me. I spent over a year and a ton of my money 'talking'. If the actions meet my boundaries and back up the talk, great. If not, buh-bye LOL, I've fired customers, sued people, quit jobs, whatever. One always has a choice. It's a big world and there are plenty of compatible people to share it with. Why bother 'negotiating' with the incompatible ones? Like they give a f*ck anyway
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