Divorce, Bifurcation, and Michigan

[Haeker]

Alright, here is my situation: I have been married to a woman for coming up on three years. We have a 19-month son. I have retained the residence I am currently living in since April of this year. She left in May, wishing no longer to be married. I have pursued the her and the marriage until recently, and have come up against hostile rejection. I have decided to give her the divorce because A) there is no hope of restoring the marriage and B) I have discovered someone who is far more worth my time and am interested in starting a real relationship with. I don't believe I'll be able to get my son at this point, so I'm willing to give her full custody until I'm fully on my feet (left the military in March) at which point I may sue for full custody (unsure). Finances for both of us are incredibly strained.

 

 

My questions are these:

• I have no idea where to start. What do I do to start the process?
  
• I've considered either doing it without lawyers or by getting legal insurance (pre-paid legal). Thoughts? Comments? What's the better choice?
  
• I would like to get a bifurcation, although I know Michigan has some sort of restriction on that. What kind of advice can I get on this? Could I legally file for divorce in Ohio (where she lives right now) instead if it would be impossible?
  
• Do I have to stay in-state after filing? I'm looking into moving to North Carolina at the moment.
  
• Currently we are saving money to finish paying our retained lawyer for the purpose of filing joint bankruptcy (chapter 7). Does anyone forsee complications?
  

An alternate idea would be to simply finish filing bankruptcy up here (residency restrictions and all) and then move straight to North Carolina. The only problem is I'm ASSUMING you need to have some sort of residency in a state before you can file for divorce. I'm very interested in dating the other woman I've been seeing (I've been honorable, not that it matters to all of you), so I'm very interested in bifurcation and just becoming single again. I know it's going to take time to work out issues with my son.

 

Any advice you all have would be greatly appreciated.

[huggyb]

Most of your post regards legal issues, this is not a legal forum. I might suggest going to your local courthouse & see if they have a help desk or literature to read on what to do.

 

As for your child, I would not give up full legal custody of my own. That's all i can say about that. Good luck.

[Gunny376]

I read your initial post earlier ~ gave it some time to pause to think?

 

This is my response.

 

First off your going through a bankruptcy with the current STBXW who is hostile toward you, that you have a DS with?

 

You're getting out of the military, while going through a divorce and a bankruptcy and about to high tail it back to 'North Click' to get with another woman?

 

I'm assuming that you meet while stationed on active duty around a military base?

 

First off the bankruptcy is going to affect your credit score for the next ten years, and in the current economic situation, its going to be harder to get reestablished credit wise than it has been in times past.

 

That means your going to have to come to terms with living on a cash basis only ~ and the number one problem more often than not in relationships? Are financially related.

 

You simply cannot have any romance without some finance.

 

So you can look forward to driving junk "Oh God just let me make it to work on this POC car one more day!"

 

That is if you can find a "Buy Here ~ Pay Here" used car lot that is willing to sell you a used 74' Ford Pinto with a million miles on her, held together with bailing wire, duck tape, and prayer.

 

For 10 to 20 times more than the rims on her are worth.

 

You'll want to get that Baby paid quick, fast and a hurry like!

 

Because your going to need that title to get that get 'some groceries' in the house for just one week ~ Title Loan.

 

Not to worry? There's always the pay-day loan sharks that charge 464% annual interest.

 

Even the Mafia has a little self respect and dignity.

 

Think my man! THINK!

 

Camp Lejeune, Fort Bragg, Pope Air Force Base?

 

There ARE NO jobs outside of those bases?

 

What jobs there are?

 

Folks have had them a good long while!

 

They plan on keeping them, and your just about going to have to kill them to get them away from them!

 

Off base?

 

There are no jobs there.

 

Its all service and retail ripping off the military.

 

What jobs there are?

 

Go to friends and family.

 

Your moving from Michigan to NC?

 

Gets you, "Hi Welcome to McDonald's may I take your order?"

 

And how are you going to pay a quarter of your pre-tax income in child support off of that?

 

Your going to give your STBXW full custody and then take her back to court and get full custody?

 

Yea that's going to happen. Right after pigs learn how to fly and Hell freezes over!

 

Take a fool's advice ~ forget the girlfriend and get you life stratigened out!

[Haeker]

Damn, dude. That had to be the most illogical and ill-written reply I've ever seen. And I've seen some doosies. You missed half of what I said and assumed on the rest. I don't even know where I could possibly begin to address that response.

 

Down, Gunny. Down.

[Gunny376]

Fact! I've been through bankruptcy (because of divorce), divorce, the military, have lived in North Carolina.

 

I know of retired Marine Master Sergeants and Master Gunnery Sergeants with over twenty years in the Marine Corps working at Taco Bell and Hardee's and other such jobs.

 

I know of locals in North Carolina that drive fifty miles one way to get a job that pays $10 to $12 a hour.

 

I know that in the rural South getting a good decent job is defined by who you know, more so than what you know.

 

But what do I know? I've only lived what your going to live.

[Haeker]

If that's the kind of weak, broken, shell of a man you are (and they are), then so be it, but that's not me. If you think my bluff is conceited, then so be it, but I know what I'm made of. You'll forgive me, of course, but I'm going to reject your ill prediction of how my life is going to turn out.

[Gunny376]

It wasn't my intent to predict how your own personal life would turn out?

 

I was speaking rather in terms as to how tough things are in certain parts of North Carolina. (And the rural South in general)

 

North Carolina is divided into three distinct sections, the Mountains, the Piedmont, and the Coast.

 

Its the Piedmont where most of the good paying jobs are. (Raleigh, and the Tri-City Area) Along the coast and the mountains? Not so good.

 

North Carolina has been particularly hit hard by the Great Recession and has one of the highest employment rates in the nation.

 

I wasn't attempting to imply in my previous posts that this was how your life was destined to be. I was attempting say what your currently are going through (the separation, the impending divorce, the bankruptcy, moving, moving to another state, finding new job etc.) isn't going to be a walk in the park.

 

That's a full plate for anyone?

 

Not to imply that you won't nor can't man up to the challenges at hand.

 

I know you can, because I did, as has millions of men and women.

 

My experiences have not made me a "shell of a man" I can assure. Whatever doesn't kill you only serves to make you stronger. Having gone through the experiences that I have made? Has made me much wiser, stronger, and more experienced.

 

If I've offended you, which was not my internet, I apologize. What I was implying (thought I was saying) obviously was not what you heard. The Internet is not the best and most perfect means of communication.

 

Life is full of what I term "Life Traps" situations in which seem to just come out of nowhere, and consume you, (if you let them).

 

When one is going through a divorce? Its seems that the "Storms Of Life" just keep rolling in over you one right after the other. Leaving you feeling "When is this ever going to end?"

 

In my own personal story, (Not implying anything about your situation) I wished that I had the foresight to just put as much of my Life in neutral and work at re-setting any and all values to zero, (Starting over in Life) after my divorce.

 

In hindsight I was at the time "weak minded" in thinking that I just had to be in a relationship?

 

Relationships are easy to get into, can be difficult to maintain, and even harder to get out of?

 

It wasn't my intent to PUO. I was just saying that your taking on a whole lot in a short period of time.

 

The best advice I can ever give anyone? Is not to necessarily follow any advice I give you.

 

Fools won't heed it and genius' don't need it as the old saying goes.

 

I've not gotten all the answers to all the questions, nor all the solutions to the problems. Far from it.

 

That's why I come to LS.

 

To learn.

 

I not only try to learn from my own mistakes? But from those of others.

 

I do know from experience that 'good women/ men' are like 'good jobs'

 

They're hard to find, come by!

 

The ones that have them? They've had them for a good long while, plan on keeping them, and your just about going to have to kill them to get them away from them.

 

The number one source of employment is through family owned businesses that employ one hundred people or less.

 

Where I work and in the section of the company I work for (a lab), the "Big Boss" has his son, his daughter, his grandson, his grandson's girlfriend, his niece's husband, his nephew, a older first cousin working there.

 

These jobs are never listed at the employment office, never listed in the newspaper.

 

The job I have has never been listed through such. Everyone I work with, got the job because of someone they knew. That's how I got the job. Through someone I knew.

 

At the time I was working third shift in a convenience store for $6.50 an hour. After serving my up-teenth drunk (refusing and arguing why I couldn't sell them beer) and my up-teenth crack head that got PO because the Brillo pads we sold had detergent in them?

 

I blew a fuse!

 

Got PO and was mumbling/cursing to myself that there's no freaking way a retired United States Marine Gunnery Sergeant with a degree in business ad should be working third shift in a convenience store for $6.50?

 

Mind you I choose to live in rural Alabama, had just gotten laid off as a production supervisor.

 

The third guy in line, stepped to the register, and asked if I was looking for a job?

 

Hell yea! A real job!

 

I'll get back with you.

 

Two month later? He did.

 

All to say that if your looking for a job in the South?

 

You've got to know someone, you've got to network.

 

And there's the salt in the wound? You're moving from one state to another. Where your network isn't established. The only network you have is through the GF, (Sorry I don't know if your engaged or not)

 

In the South? The best way to network is to join a church ~ believe it or not.

 

And attend religiously, (Sorry no pun intended)

 

I fully realize that your from way up North, but you might as well get a passport from the State Department if your planning on moving down South.

 

I kid you not!

[Gunny376]

If that's the kind of weak, broken, shell of a man you are (and they are), then so be it, but that's not me. If you think my bluff is conceited, then so be it, but I know what I'm made of. You'll forgive me, of course, but I'm going to reject your ill prediction of how my life is going to turn out.

 

My intent was to make you aware of the pitfalls and the potential "Life Traps/ Storms of Life" that may or may not befall you if your not aware.

 

I've been where your at, and its not a fun place to be!

 

I've been through what your going through and wouldn't wish it upon my worse enemy.

 

The stress, the worry, the depression, the anguish, the anxiety,.............

 

I'm the other side of all that now, and I'm here to tell you it was one white knuckling ride from Hell.

 

And it took me years upon years to get to the other side of it all.

 

Had LS and the Internet been around back in "tha day" I probably would have made twice if not more progress than I did.

 

But it wasn't, and I had to do it the hard way ~ alone. Looking for answers to the questions, and solutions to the problems.

 

I've been where your at in your Life and back! And gone again and came back again.

 

I'm not trying to beat you down Bro. I'm tyring to help you out!

 

I'm not saying that this X/Y equation is going to come up to Z.

 

I'm just trying to show you where the potential mines are in the minefield.

 

I realize your going through a hard time right now what with everything that's going on.

 

Life comes at you hard and fast!

 

And before you know it?

 

Its gone in the blink of an eye!

[Nomad1]

Haeker > Gunny's foresight is incisive. This man has been to hell and back, but kept walking. As an ex Marine he has the advantage of seeing things from your perspective.

 

It is easy to seek solace in the arms of a woman when we hit cahotic junctures of our lives, such as divorce, bankruptcy etc. The question is: will she last the distance?

 

I don't hear anything about your son! Should you not focus your energies to remain in his life? That may give purpose to your life at this time of crisis.

 

People here try to give their perspectives on things. Sometimes newcomers find them unpalatable, but they do come back to say...you were right!

 

Good luck

 

Nomad1

[Gunny376]

Haeker > Gunny's foresight is incisive. This man has been to hell and back, but kept walking. As an ex Marine he has the advantage of seeing things from your perspective.

 

It is easy to seek solace in the arms of a woman when we hit cahotic junctures of our lives, such as divorce, bankruptcy etc. The question is: will she last the distance?

 

I don't hear anything about your son! Should you not focus your energies to remain in his life? That may give purpose to your life at this time of crisis.

 

People here try to give their perspectives on things. Sometimes newcomers find them unpalatable, but they do come back to say...you were right!

 

Good luck

 

Nomad1

 

This is bone of contention with Marines that choke our throughts like chicken bones.

 

There are X-Marines, Those that served dishoronably.

 

There are former Marrines.

 

And then there are retired Marines.

 

My twenty in the Marines? Cost me a wife and a family.

 

The toughest job in the Corps?

 

Is being a Marine's Wife!

[Haeker]

Hey, I appreciate the words and insight. This is a nasty situation for just about everyone involved, but I don't need to tell you that. I'm taking what cards have been dealt me this hand and doing the very best I can with them. Sometimes you get set up with pocket rockts; other times, you're hoping that a jack and a nine turn into a straight or a full house on the river. I'm not a gambling man, but I do take careful stock of what my chances are.

 

Well, my chances are at full, 100%, even against all odds. Why? Because I'm a child of God, and He has a plan for all of this. I just have to keep my face turned toward Him.

 

As far as my son goes, I care dearly for the kid, but I don't have much of a relationship with Him at most and trying to maintain one has been murder since I have to work around the scheduel of a contentious wife. Oh, that, and the fact that I've seen him four months out of his 19-month life (yay for deployments and separations). I also know that I'm not prepared to give him everything he needs. I can either make out on my own and keep in contact with him on a regular basis while I carve out a life or I can float in limbo in an area where I'm not going to exceed survival.

 

There's no really awesome routes to take. Just some less sucky ones.

[Gunny376]

Hey, I appreciate the words and insight. This is a nasty situation for just about everyone involved, but I don't need to tell you that. I'm taking what cards have been dealt me this hand and doing the very best I can with them. Sometimes you get set up with pocket rockts; other times, you're hoping that a jack and a nine turn into a straight or a full house on the river. I'm not a gambling man, but I do take careful stock of what my chances are.

 

Well, my chances are at full, 100%, even against all odds. Why? Because I'm a child of God, and He has a plan for all of this. I just have to keep my face turned toward Him.

 

As far as my son goes, I care dearly for the kid, but I don't have much of a relationship with Him at most and trying to maintain one has been murder since I have to work around the scheduel of a contentious wife. Oh, that, and the fact that I've seen him four months out of his 19-month life (yay for deployments and separations). I also know that I'm not prepared to give him everything he needs. I can either make out on my own and keep in contact with him on a regular basis while I carve out a life or I can float in limbo in an area where I'm not going to exceed survival.

 

There's no really awesome routes to take. Just some less sucky ones.

 

Oh yea your military! From you last post ~ for sure and certain.

 

You know the drill.

 

Damned if you don't and damned if you do!

 

And I know all about (or at least I think I do ~ correspondence lessons ~MCI courses from Headquarters Marine Corps about parential alienation and being in the miltary.)

 

And yea, all those deployments didn't do my marriage any good.

 

I deployed more my last four years than all of the other sixteen combnied?

 

I even went and bought two sets of utilities, etc. One for when I was in garrission and one in my 782 pack. Ready to go.

 

I was walking out of work one day at five -thirty.

 

One of my Lance Corparals came running out and told me "Top" from Group was on the line.

 

"Assemble twenty three of your Marines and report to"

 

Forty-eight hours later?

 

I was in _________________ (Can't say where, I took and signed an oath of non-discloure until I'm fifty years past my ninetith birthday)

 

 

The then GF?

 

 

"Where are you going?"

 

I don't know?

 

When will you call?

 

I don't know?

 

When will you write?

 

I don't know ~ all I know is I've got to go!

 

I'm not a snake eater. I was logistics. 04 MOS

 

Red-patch batch!

 

Lakeside knows!